Average
by KenSan1990
Summary: Simplicity or extravegance? Everyone, I think, wants to be simplistic. I did too. Trouble was, I also wanted to give the best to the one I loved the most, Kaoru. Even if I had to go and get my hands dirty to do it. AU
1. 1

A/N: I'm in writer's block. I'm sorry for any of you who read this who are waiting for an update on something else….I promise it will come…eventually.

**1.**

The furthest thing that was from my mind was fame. I'd found that over time I'd become sick just at the sight of those that thought they could do whatever they wanted just because they had made a name in a world that was twisted and corrupted. As a child, I imagined myself settling down somewhere small and reasonable. A place where a family could be raised. I imagined having a 9 to 5 job, and putting food on the table. I could even see the family vacations to the beach, where we would lounge until the sun sank below the sapphire waters, and after that we would still be settled there, taking in the sea breeze.

Things changed when I was five years old. I had discovered the beauty of cooking.

My mother was a wonderful cook. It didn't matter how she was feeling on any given day, love went into whatever she made. If it was something simple like grilled cheese or complicated like Thanksgiving dinner, it was always perfect.

When I was five I remembered watching her, and asking her to help. At that time I couldn't do much more than pour in milk of crack eggs for her, but I felt useful.

But, I had to grow up right?

Dad and I were out one day, doing nothing in particular; bonding maybe. Everything for that week was sort of a blur. Anyways, I we were pulling up our street, and there was the blackest smoke billowing out of the roof of our home. Dad and I both launched into action. We got out of the car and ran toward the house. It was near collapse by the time we got home, and while the fire department was still trying to put it out, I could see the lack of effort in their faces. Anyone could see how our home was a lost cause.

Mom died that day. She was cooking when it had happened.

After that, I seemed to block my mother from mind. I grew up recognizing that I once had a mother figure, but I seemed to forget anything else that was associated with her. Whether it be the love or brightness that she brought to our hose; even her cooking, and my want to be just like her faded away.

And let's face it, Dad couldn't cook worth jack so we usually ate fast food or something that could be microwaved. The oven…well it was more of a decoration in the kitchen. It looked real nice, but no one ever used it.

That wasn't all my childhood was though. It was about a girl too. There was this one girl who everyone in the neighborhood knew. Well, the neighborhood that I moved to when I was eight years old, after Mom had died.

Her name was Kaoru Kamiya.

I wouldn't say that I was infatuated with her at the start I mean, she was a girl after all. Why would I, a decent male who wasn't yet an adolescent even consider that I had feelings for her? But I knew that time would change all of that. The longer that I let time flow out of my hands, the sooner that she would be with me. That was, if she we didn't grow away from each other like I thought we would.

It came as no surprise when she was eleven and I was fifteen that she moved away all of a sudden, for no apparent reason. It didn't matter how much I begged or pleaded for someone to tell me what had happened to her, or where she had went. It was all in silence. I was all sort of…scary I suppose. That was the only other time in my life that I had felt like my feet had pulled out from under me. At that time, for a certain number of weeks I felt almost naked, like no matter how heavily I dressed everyone could see my emotions. I was quiet and reserved for the most part. I moped a lot too.

Dad couldn't take it at all.

My Dad was a man who liked to order people around. Not because he could, just because he wanted to. Somehow it seemed like he did this with love, even if it sounded like he was kicking me out of the house.

After a long while of him trying to get me off my ass to do something and stop staring at this picture of a prepubescent girl, he ordered me, in his most horrendous voice, to go and get a job. He said he didn't care what it was. He said he didn't care where it was, as long as I was out of the house. He even offered to drive me t work until I got my own driver's license, which he would make sure I got as soon as possible.

I took him up on his offer. I needed something that I could do. There was more to life than moping around the house and thinking about a girl that I wasn't even sure had feelings for me. So he took me out into town and we looked around a few places. At the time there were plenty of jobs, there just weren't enough workers to go around. I found myself a little dazed, especially since Dad had fun pointing out al the possible places that I could work. But I noticed one that he failed to. I think it was because he felt it was a little out of my league.

It was a nice restaurant. The nicest in town. It had five star meals for…somewhat decent prices. I'd only ate there once and that was when I had turned thirteen and Dad decided that was the time for me to become a man.

I pointed it out to Dad, told him that it looked like a nice place. Dad got this look on his face. It was a look that I hardly saw. It wasn't angered, but he looked somewhat sick. He sneered at the place, but he nodded his head. He couldn't back down on what he had said, because he knew that I would rag on him for it.

So we pulled up in there. I got out of the car and inspected the place. There wasn't a 'Help Wanted' sign, but I knew a few people who worked there. Namely, my best friend Sanosuke's father. I went inside, and it was basically dead at this time of the day. There was a maiter'd standing a the door. I gave him a crooked smiled.

"May I help you?"

My face tweaked a little.

"I was…uh…wondering if there was a….uh….job opening for like a dishwasher or something?" and I flashed an innocent smile to him. He sneered at me, but at least it wasn't like Dad's. I followed up by asking: "Is there a guy named Sagara here?"

"There is. He's a cook. Why?"

"Well, could I talk to him?"

I used this advantage quickly because I could tell right away that this man was a rock and that I wouldn't be able to penetrate him very quickly. He sighed a little bit, looking over his shoulder to the lifelessness of the place. He took me back to the door where the kitchen began and ordered me to stay there. I was more than happy to oblige. A few moments later, Sozo Sagara stood before me. He was a loose enough guy, so said the way that he leaned on the door. The maiter'd walked away from us.

"What's up kid?"

I stubbed my toe on the ground. "Dad's begging for met o get a job." I told him.

"Oh?" his eyebrows arched up funny. "And…?"

"Well, I was wondering if you would be able to…to help. I know that this place is nice and stuff and, well, I would like a place that had pay that didn't really suck or anything so…."

"And you want me to get you a job?" he asked me.

I nodded sheepishly. "What exactly are you wanting to get?"

"Dishwasher…or I could be the cleaning crew or something…"I was shy, there was no doubt about it. Not only that, but I could feel the maiter'd's eyes stinging in my shoulder.

Sozo sighed, and looked back into the kitchen. I'd began to wonder if all this was an inconvenience and I was being a naïve little kid. Despite these thoughts, I wasn't deterred as I looked Sozo square in the eye, begging him for an answer.

"I can see what I can do," he said as optimistically as he possibly could. My smile upturned a bit.

"Thanks a bunch Mr. Sagara."

He waved as I ran out the door.

I didn't expect too much from that. But it was enough for Dad to take me home. For the next few summer days I laid on my bed looking at the only picture I had of Kaoru which was, incidentally, one from a barbecue where the whole neighborhood was invited. She was in the small corner, but she was there. I smiled at it. I don't know why I smiled at it, I just did.

At least I wasn't moping, right?

A/N: Tell me what you think….this is only an experiment…so….till next time. KenSan out!


	2. 2

A/N: Glad you peeps liked it! Onto the next chapter!

* * *

_"I remember when Dad came home that day and told me that Kenshin had come in and asked for a job. It wasn't too surprising. We were all getting to that age where we were looking for jobs at one place or another. I had even asked Dad to get me a job at that restaurant. I figured that it would be easy since he worked there. But then I figured, 'oh yeah, I'm a family member' which squared it away that I couldn't get the job due to uh...to nepotism. I was waiting for Dad to come home one of these days and tell me that they wouldn't hire Kenshin for...for whatever reason they deemed worthy. It was sorta the uppity place in town. But then, he came home a week later; nothing was off or strange about him. He was calm and relaxed. He came into my room and told me that Kenshin had gotten the job. I was surprised. Really, really surprised....I suppose maybe that was the start of all the problems. That restaurant." _

_-Sanosuke Sagara_

* * *

**2.**

"Dad! Dad you home yet?"

"I'm in the kitchen," Dad responded with a voice of distaste. "Stop yelling."

Sitting next to the window was a mountain like man I'd never seen before. He had his legs neatly crossed and his hands folded delicately on the table. He looked like something out of a mob movie to me; the expensive black suit, the glazed over, stoic look in his eyes. One of the gloved hands reached out for the coffee that Dad had made for him.

"We have a guest," Dad seemed to feel the need to tell me. The hardly glanced over his shoulder at me, but there was a strange look in his eyes.

"Is this your son?" he asked. His voice was deep, and dark. It seemed more like dark chocolate instead of dark in the scary way.

"This is Mr. Seijuuro."

I gave a small nod and put my bag down on the floor. I'd been out all day with Sanosuke and Aoshi, my closest and practically only, friends. We'd been out collecting rocks for an upcoming duel against other kids in the neighborhood. I was grateful to set the bag down.

"Good afternoon Mr. Seijuuro."

This tall man who I'd never seen before slid his foot over to the chair adjacent him, pulling it out. I took this as a sign to sit down. "I know this may seen very strange, but I've been waiting for you," he said, leaning onto the old dining room table. It gave an awful creek. "You asked for a job from Sozo Sagara?"

I froze out of joy, a smile plastered on my face. "Yes sir."

He nodded. "I'd like to ask you a few questions, if that's alright with your father."

Mr. Seijuuro's hand wandered to Dad. I waited for him to nod, begging him with my eyes. He was curt in the nod. "Good, now, I;m just curious if you've had any criminal record of some sort."

"N-no sir." My brows furrowed. "Why?"

"And what about any sort of illness?"

I looked to dad for a split second, then back to Mr. Seijuuro. Sure, I found this awkward; anyone would. But at the time, despite how awkward this was, I was having trouble deciphering such vital information. My mind focus in on the fact that I was probably about to get a job.

"Uh...no, not really I don't think uh...allergies I guess but..."

"Food allergies?"

"No sir."

He nodded to himself in an agreeing sort of way. "You wouldn't mind filling out a few things?"

"Do I get to read over them as well Mr. Seijuuro?"

"Of course, of course. I'm not trying to hide anything." He put his hands up in a defensive sort of way. After that he reached into his suit jacket and pulled out a small thing of rolled up papers. He flattened them out of the table, and handed us a nice pen from his sleeve. "Please, read everything over carefully. I don't want you to not be informed about this."

I was eager to sign the dotted line at the end, but Dad took the papers and started to read every word. His face was changing through a few different looks, from incredulous to looking like he was enticed by something he read. He flipped the page. I turned to look at Mr. Seijuuro sipping at the coffee, his eyes never leaving Dad. I couldn't help but noticing the watch chain hanging from his breast pocket, and the cuff links flashing in the pale lighting in our kitchen.

"Is this some sort of waiver?" Dad finally asked. I turned away from Mr. Seijuuro.

"If you want to call it that. We're just trying to cover all of out bases at this point. We've had a few mishaps in the past do to the criminal activity and the illness. We just, are worried about business is all," he said, rolling his shoulders as he did. I had to admit, when I first met him I thought that Mr. Seijuuro was God. He seemed to know everything. Plus he was well spoken, and didn't have anything to hide from Dad. He didn't seem to have a slimy persona, and in fact he didn't. That didn't mean that he wasn't shady in his own right.

"May I ask you a few questions Mr. Seijuuro?"

"Of course. Feel free."

"Why come here directly?"

He shrugged. "I like to deal with things personally. I'm not exactly a man who trusts people's judgement too well. I just feel that if I know what I'm getting into, it will eliminate further risks that I spoke of," he closed his eyes and turned his head away. "I run a clean business Mr. Himura. I don't want a few bad seeds to spoil that."

Dad looked lost. Mr. Seijuuro was convincing him, but Dad had these instincts that he never strayed from. His instincts and the words that Mr. Seijuuro was spouting were very conflicting. After a deadlock with himself, he handed the papers over to me. "Read it thoroughly Ken. I want you to make the decision."

I was surprised. I took the paper in my hand like it was the map to El Dorado. I did read it. Most of it at least. Enough to see that it did look like a really nice waiver about criminal activity and illness and the possibility that while I was in a kitchen that things could happen. Not that I didn't already know that. I waited a few minutes, looked over the nice print and pretended to be skeptical like Dad, but I signed the paper anyways. I handed it to Mr. Seijuuro, who passed it back to my father. "Now, all I need is your consent. He is still a minor."

Dad signed too. He knew there was no way to persuade me out of this one. The paper went back to Mr. Seijuuro who smiled and bowed his head. "I'm sorry to have taken your time," he said curtly, as though we had declined.

"No, no. We're sorry to impede on your time Mr. Seijuuro," I said, having a hard time believing those words had fallen from my lips. "It was a pleasure meeting you," I held out my hand, offering it to him. He took it smiling.

"I'll give you a call within the next three days," he said, and vanished like a puff of smoke.

* * *

It was amazing to be working at such a nice place. I remember walking in on my first day and looking at the dining room when it was empty. There were people taking the chairs from the tables, putting nice white table clothes over them and silverware. I marveled at the wonderful design on the carpet. Shades of emerald green, ruby red and gold lay over top a dark shade of maroon. The curtains were drawn revealing a bright ray of sunshine.

"Kenshin!" Sozo called out to me.

"Yeah?"

"C'mon. You're in the back."

I nodded, running past the men setting up and slipping into the kitchen. It was a large kitchen full of top of the line appliances and fresh ingredients for the food. I wandered through the there wondering where it ended. It was almost like a maze, a grand assembly line of people who created the five star food that was praised at this place. Sozo put me at the sinks with another young man by the name of Katsuhiro Tsukioka. I shook his hand, and he explained that for the first few weeks I would just dry. I nodded. He explained the workings of the place, when the rushes were, and something else I found very interesting.

"Mr. Seijuuro will come through here every few hours," he said. "He keeps a keen eye on _everybody_. You can't get away with nothin' in here." I nodded again. I wasn't very talkative in general.

After several days of getting the hang of drying and the rushes that were going on during the day, I found that things started to become routine and I was very use to the workings. I enjoyed when people would walk in and out of the kitchen, as they often did, since there was always live entertainment. I would catch a glimpse at the people on stage, or listen to the music that wafted through the kitchen. Katsu and I got in sync with one another after several weeks together. We would switch off the jobs and still be able to get everything done. By the way, people are very digusting; even the high class....You don't want to know. If you've worked as a dishwasher, you know.

One day, after about a month of working there and a few weeks before my next semester of school started, Mr. Seijuuro came in as usual, but he wasn't his usual happy self. He had a large scowl on his face and he stormed right past us into the back. It wasn't hard to tell what was going on. There was a crash then:

"So you're the fucker stealing my stuff huh?"

And he made sure everyone in the kitchen could hear him when he said it.

"Uh...sir I..."

Another crash. "Who's it for?"

"Sir..?"

"_Who_ the _hell_ is it _for_! I'm sure you don't need all that for yourself!" Another crash.

"Please sir I...I...I'm sorry I was just..."

"Sorry? You were sorry? That's not going to get my merchandise back is it? Are your words going to bring it back? Poof! Magic!" There was yet another crash. By that time, the entire kitchen had stopped and was listening to the conflict. I put down a plate and started to wander back. Katsu grabbed my collar.

"Don't," he whispered. "You don't want to see the last guy that got in the middle of that."

"I expect you to pay it back! Every cent. So why don't you come to my office and we'll tally up the numbers?" I pressed against the sink as Mr. Seijuuro walked by. He had the ugliest look on his face that I'd ever seen. And not only that, he held the man by the nape of his neck, dragging him through the kitchen. He didn't look to pretty.

Mr. Seijuuro stopped at the door. "Get back to work!"

I ducked my head so close to the water I was surprised that I didn't go right into it. I squeezed my eyes closed and waited for the sound of the door closing. "He's gone Ken."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. He won't be back too soon."

I sighed and sunk my hands into the steaming water. "Wh-what happened?"

"Hiko waited for the appropriate moment to get the man stealing his merchandise."

"Merchandise?"

Katsu looked me in the eye. "You'll figure it out. If Hiko was concerned about knives or stoves, he'd be getting a lot people. He expects that to be stolen. We've all taken something. But...take the important stuff and you're screwed."

"Stuff? What stuff?"

"Himura!" I physically jumped when hearing Mr. Seijuuro call me out.

"Go!" Katsu had a grim look over his face. "Go before he has to say it twice."

I nodded laying down my dishcloth and wiping my hands on my apron. I rushed out to Mr. Seijuuro who was at him office door motioning for me to come. I nodded and crossed the floor casually. I surveyed the area from the corner of my eye, wondering if there was anyone there that I knew. It was dinner time, and just about every table had someone at it. And then there was a table where a saw a little girl swinging her legs as she dug into an ice cream. I turned back to Mr. Seijuuro who motioned me into his office. The man was sitting in front of a nice oak desk.

"Take a seat Himura."

"Yessir." I spoke quickly and quietly. When I sat I refused to look Mr. Seijuuro in the eye. He went behind his desk, but didn't sit down. He was pondering his words.

"Since you're new here Himura, I felt that you should understand some things," his eyes were on the beat up guy next to me. He looked like a waiter. He was middle aged and had the craziest look in his eyes. "So, about how much do you think you took?"

"I...I don't know."

"You don't know. Was it, how much you could carry in a night?"

"I...maybe..."

"How often was it? Every night. Bi-nightly?"

"Once a week sir."

"On Tuesdays?" Mr. Seijuuro asked. "Yesterday was Tuesday wasn't it Himura?"

I jumped again. "Yessir."

"Was it Tuesday?" he addressed the other man.

"It is...sir..."

"Do you really think I'm that fucking stupid?" Mr. Seijuuro crossed his arms and it only made him look more intimidating. "Answer me?" His eyes twinkled something vile.

"I...no...I don't think...you're..." he kept fading out.

"Speak up!"

"No sir!"

Mr. Seijuuro nodded, turning his eyes down toward his desk where a book lay. He opened it up and shoved it in this man's face. "How much does that say?" I saw the man's Adam's apple shaking. He was sweating something awful. "Well? What does the paper say?"

"39,647.78...sir."

Mr. Seijuuro sighed. "Let's make it an even forty thousand." The man's face was even more stricken. "You give me the money, or I'll tell _them_. And you don't want me to tell _them_."

I was lost and a bit scared, but I tried to stay calm so Mr. Seijuuro didn't see me as weak. Really I wanted to wet myself. My fingernails were clawing into my hand. "But I don't..."

"No buts!" The man's head fell considerably, his nose nearly touching his thighs. "I run a business, and I will make sure no one runs that business in the ground. You deal with me, you deal with powerful people. Be happy I'm lenient with you. I'll give you one week to give me the money, and if you can't..."he trailed off darkly.

The waiter sat there for a few minutes, his hands wringing in his lap and tears forming at his eyes. I didn't know what to think of Mr. Seijuuro. There was no way I knew what was going on in the first place, so I found it rather alarming that he was trying to show me what this degredation, and on top of it he was calling himself lenient. He kept my eyes to my lap as well.

"Is...is that all sir?" the man finally asked, sniffing as he did.

"You're fired." His eyes shut, as if Mr. Seijuuro had stabbed him through he heart. "Get out of my sight. Next time I see you, you better have that money."

"Yes...sir."

The ex-waiter slithered out of the office, closing the door behind him. I let out a small sigh were I had been holding my breath. There were only so many times I had seen a scene like that, and all of them were in the movies.

Mr. Seijuuro finally sat down. "Sir?" I asked shyly.

"Are you scared?" he asked. I nodded, rubbing my hand against the other. "Good. Remember that your humanity is still with you."

"Sir?"

"I'm out a waiter," he said, exasperated. "And as much as I trust the others, I think you'd be good in the position."

"Sir...I've...I haven't even..."

"Get Han to train you. He should be on the floor. Yellow hair."

"Now sir?" I asked, confused.

"Are you still on the clock?"

I took that as a solid yes.

Considering that I'd been dismissed, I walked out of his office and onto the floor. I saw Han immediately, I'd gotten a little friendly with when he passed in and out of the kitchen. He was at the table with the girl that I saw earlier. I tapped him on the shoulder. "What?"

"Mr. Seijuuro said to talk to you about...training?"

His face was sympathetic. "So he finally caught Tobias huh?" Han shrugged. "Alright. Go into the kitchen and I'll get you a uniform. Let me finish this up alright?"

I nodded and walked away, but not without turning back around. The little girl with shiny black hair and a frilly little dress smiled at me, winking. I don't think her parents really noticed. I knew it was her. Kaoru didn't change too much.

* * *

I got home late that night since there were more people than usual and I was training. Han offered to drive me home, which I was thankful about. I wouldn't even want to call Dad at that hour. When I walked in though, Dad was sitting up watching T.V. I gave him a smile.

"Where were you?"

"Work."

"So late? You get off at seven. It's ten..."

"I know..."I lowered my head. "I uh...got a promotion."

Dad looked at me. "To what?"

"Waiter. Some guy got fired today so Mr. Seijuuro put me in the position."

"Does it pay more?" Dad asked immediately. I thought a moment, but realized that I had never been asked or been told.

"I don't know," I responded. "But I saw Kaoru."

Dad only shook his head. Whatever. I was happy.

A/N: I love this chapter. It just flowed out of me. Tell me what you think. Till next time, KenSan out!


	3. 3

A/N: My mind will not stop working...there's just too much in my mind. Well....here we go.

**3.**

_"I liked the kid a lot. Even from the first time I met him. He was that kind of person that you met and automatically started to bond with and get in touch with. He was like a son of mine from the first time I started talking to him in the kitchen. His Dad I didn't like too much, he was too skeptical of everything, from the way I looked to the things that I did. But his son was different; his son was trustworthy, not that I would ever tell him that but...strange things happen all the time. The stuff you can't understand, things you can't expect. I mean, I should know most of all, things like that happened to me all the time. But Kenshin...he wasn't--isn't the kind of person unexpected things should happen to. He was too young, too naive, too---simple! For God's sake he was still a child. _

_"Many ask if I regret my decision. I couldn't see the future so why would I have regretted it? I don't regret it now certainly. He was a child; just a child; he needed somebody right? Role model or not." _

_-Hiko Seijuuro_

* * *

After a while I found that working at the restaurant really began to pay off for me. Especially since I was now working as a waiter. Somehow it became like a privilage for me to go there everyday after school. The staff would greet me warmly as I pulled on my tie and walked into the kitchen, watching intently for anyone to come in. I knew everyone in the kitchen, including the part timers and the temporaries who Mr. Seijuuro may or may not keep depending on their performance. After that one incident there really wasn't anything that came up as awkward or strange, which was what motivated me to keep working there. That and the money.

Of course, even back then, I wasn't one to like money too much. I was a fifteen year old kid growing up in the late sixties. There really wasn't much that I was into that required money other than food. And being a waiter, I got a lot of both. My palate was pleased every night because one of the privileges of being a waiter was you were allowed to sample the food so long as it wasn't on the plate and so long as Mr. Seijuuro wasn't in the kitchen. There were some foods that I had never tasted but were so exotic that I found myself craving them every now and then. Then came the money.

When I became a waiter I was aware that the pay was going to be kind of messed up. It wasn't dirt low, especially since this place was so classy, but for what the wages lacked the tips sure made up for it. People who came there were good tippers, especially when you kept drinks filled and weren't in their way as they ate. Some nights I had upwards of two hundred dollars, and nothing to do with it. When I brought that home one night and showed it to Dad I was surprised that he didn't have a heart attack; in fact, when I counted what I had, I was surprised I didn't give myself a heart attack. That kind of money was something I thought I would never see. I won't lie either, it felt reassuring in it's own sense. I knew that if me and Dad were ever in a tight spot, the bills under my mattress could probably deal with it.

However, amidst all this, there was the pressure that was school. Don't get me wrong--as a tenth grader I was doing rather well. I wasn't in the top of my class with the Poindexters and the know-it-alls, but I wasn't in the bottom with the slackers and the students who had truancy officers following them around all the time. I was learning the things that I needed to learn like reading, writing and arithmetic. But then there was the day I brought home a D in science, and a letter had arrived in the mail that I had been skipping my last few periods here and there. Dad could have dealt with the D. He was just happy that I had made it farther than him in high school. The class skipping didn't make him happy in the least.

I walked into the resturant a week short of my sixteenth birthday. There was a buzz around the resturant, just like there was with any employee birthday. Though there was an air of surprise that hung about, when I walked in with a baseball sized bruise on my left cheek, the whispering became halted to all those that were standing on the floor.

Mr. Seijuuro was checking the room for anything that the cleaning crew might have missed. When he lifted from a table and looked toward me, his inital reaction was almost frightening. I'd never seen him concerned before. The look in his widened eyes was enough for me to look away, ashamed of myself. He stalked over to me casually. He had this way of masking his emotions around people. He brushed my cheek and asked:

"What happened?"

There was only so much that I wanted to tell him. He was an intimidating individual, and from previous conversations I learned that he wasn't exactly a fan of my father for whatever reason he held.

"Nothing," I dryly responded, trying my hardest to move away from him.

"Nothing?"

"Nothing."

He grabbed my shoulder, squeezing ever so gently. "What happened?" he pressed.

"Really," I twirled to look him in the eye. "It's nothing that you need to worry about. An accident is all."

Mr. Seijuuro let out a puff of air. His contemplation had began. When he stared you down as he thought, there was something hypnotic that didn't allow you to move. I waited patiently for his response to my horrid attempt to keep from telling him.

"Was it about those times you came in early?" he finally asked. I bit my lip and nodded. "School huh?"

"It's nothing. I was stupid."

"I'm not about to be preaching to you about the goodness of getting an education," he explained. "Your life is none of my business, and what you do with it is not my choice."

"Mr. Seijuuro..."I didn't know what to say though. He had basically ended the conversation. I wanted to tell him real badly, but something in the pit of my gut was beginning to stop me. I stared at the floor for the longest time, admiring his shoes where they were neatly shined. "Shut up and get to work right?"

He rolled his eyes. "You'll start talking," he said as he walked to inspect another table.

* * *

After the bruise faded away, I forgave my Dad. It wasn't any sort of insult that had happened. He was still my Dad, he had just lost his temper, and if I was in his place I would have been mad too. It took me time to come up to Dad and tell him the kind of opportunity I felt I was getting with Mr. Seijuuro. He wanted to yell, I could see it in him, but he didn't have the heart. Somewhere inside he knew it was true. He knew there weren't any kids my age who made the kind of money I made. He knew that I was a good worker, and as long as business was booming I wouldn't have to worry about being laid off or fired. He told me the importance of school, like he always did, and how he wished he had finished himself, then we hugged and that was that.

My sixteenth birthday came, but not without an extravagant party. Mr. Seijuuro himself, as tight as he was on money, decided to close the resturant to the public as we celebrated. The kind of food that I took small bites of was served as we sat an talked, gabbing about absolutely nothing. I sat near Mr. Seijuuro, looking at all the fellow employees. I didn't think anything was wrong, even when he offered me a drink. It was a nice wine; not the kind that he drank, but it was nice. I willingly gulped down a few glasses of it. I started getting dizzy by about eight thirty. My head was like a bottle being shaken until I was ready to burst, but I wasn't willing to admit to everyone that I wanted to go home. I knew Dad was waiting for me. If there was one thing that I enjoyed, it was coming home to Dad who would be sitting at the table with one of the few thigns we used the oven for. Even though the cake was slightly charred, it was made with love and that was all that mattered.

At ten o'clock, things died down. I wasn't really in this plain of reality anymore. I hadn't called Dad to come pick me up either. I knew I would have him worried sick. I was about to call him when Mr. Seijuuro grabbed my shoulder and ushered me into his car. He gave me a napkin in case the wine didn't want to agree with me while in motion. He drove me all the way home. The porch light was even on. I got out of the car, and Mr. Seijuuro walked with me so I wouldn't trip going up the driveway. I opened the door; it was really dark inside.

"Dad!" I called out. "Dad! Are you here?" I could hear myself slurring. I stumbled toward the kitchen since that was where he normally sat on these days. He was slumped at the dining room chair, looking asleep. I came to him, touching his arm. There was the cake, laying on the table with the candles burnt out and the wax seeping over the frosting. I touched Dad's face which was when I registered that he was cold. "Dad?" I asked yet again, out of fear. It didn't really hit me that there was anything wrong with my father.

Mr. Seijuuro clomped into the kitchen, turning on the light. I blinked, reaching out and grabbing my Dad's jacket for support. He cascaded from the chair onto the floor in one fluid motion, his head upturned to the ceiling, eyes glazed over. I shook Dad again, convinced that this was all a joke an he was going to tell me the importance of calling him if I was staying out late, or something to that effect.

Mr. Seijuuro shoved me out of the way.

I stood back, a creature on the sidelines watching as Mr. Seijuuro pressed his ear against my Dad's chest. His fingers prodded at my father's neck roughly.

"Get the phone," he ordered softly, still prodding. I stumbled to the phone in the living room.

"Who-who do you want me to-to call?" My hands began shaking in reaction to everything.

"An ambulance," he told me, laying my Dad flat on the ground. "Do you know the number?" he asked.

Nodding my head I called, the phone pressed hard on my ear. I could feel tears forming at my cheeks, and I was getting really dizzy as I told the woman who answered what was going on. I could hardly understand myself, so I could only imagine what she was hearing on the other end. Eventually she told me someone would be out shortly and I should just wait. So I sat on the couch with my hands pressed between my thighs and my head bowed in some form of disgrace. Was it my fault all of this happened?

A hand rubbed my shoulder calmly. "Are they coming?" I nodded. "I'll keep an eye on him," Mr. Seijuuro said in a reassuring way. I glance up to him, wiping away the tears so I didn't look weak.

* * *

He'd known all along that my Dad was dead, but he was doing all that he could to make it seem otherwise. I was drunk after all, so my reality could have distorted things so wildly that I wouldn't have known if he were dead or alive. At the hospital, as they explained that my Dad died of of sudden heart attack, I lurched forward, puking on the nurses' shoes. She took it as my scared reaction, which it was in combination with my being drunk. She took me to the bathroom, staying silent all the way. I leaned over the toilet waiting for more to come up, and she dabbed my cheeks and lips.

"Is there anyway that you can leave us alone?" I heard Mr. Seijuuro asked curtly. The nurse lifted up and handed Mr. Seijuuro the washcloth.

The bathroom was small, so I was surprised that Mr. Seijuuro was able to fit in there with me. He rinsed off some of the puke and wrung out the rag, kneeling down toward me and wiping off my face like the nurse did. I was dry heaving at this point, and all my emotions were flooding out of me as if an atomic bomb had gone off in my head. I'd never felt so vulnerable, and in front of my boss too.

"It's all right," said Mr. Seijuuro slowly. He wasn't good at sensitive situations. "Uncle Hiko will take care of everything." He pulled me away from the toilet and ushered my head into his shoulder. Somehow he was able to coax me out of the bathroom once the waterworks turned off. After that I was like a corpse; tired, lonely and scared. It was as if there was nothing out there for me anymore. Like my soul had been pulled from my body as soon as they told me that Dad had died.

"What do you want to do?" Mr. Seijuuro asked me.

"Huh?"

"With your living conditions. What do you want to do?"

"I have...a few aunts somewhere."

He sighed. "You don't really like them?"

"I...I don't really know them. They never come around. Mom's sisters."

"So what do you want to do?" he too was confused, said the uncertainty in his voice. "Is there anyone here that can take care of you?"

"Not really." I cupped my hands over my face to hide the anguish that it was contorted into. "What do I do?"

"You're sixteen years old; you do have the mental capacity to decide where you want to go," he was being rational and logical, which was all he was capable of doing.

"You said Uncle..."I remembered from a few moments ago. "Uncle Hiko?"

He flashed this wily smile. "Well, I wasn't meaning that in any specific way," he shrugged, "I suppose that it could work if you wanted it to. An adoption form could put you in my custody, or we could just pretend that you are my nephew," he wanted to do that. He wanted me to be his. The way he spoke was way too optimistic for his normal standard. He was being the business man that he was bred to be, conning me and persuading me into his world. I took the bait in such a desperate situation. Uncle Hiko did have a nice ring to it. It assured that I had a home and that I wouldn't have to live outside of where I already lived.

Hiko put a hand on the nape of my neck, rubbing it in a sort of endearing, fatherly way. "There isn't much more to do right now. You'll have to get in contact with family and set up the funeral arrangements. For now, why don't I take you home?"

I nodded, rubbing my sleep deprived eyes.

Uncle Hiko. It happened too fast for my own good.

* * *

I grew up slowly when I was with my Mom and Dad. They babied me. They basically controlled everything in my life, like a good parent should. Like a good parent would. So even though I was sixteen years old, I was mentally about ten from all the babying. I knew it was going to be like that, it honestly didn't surprise me too much when Hiko pointed it out. The day I moved in with him he made it clear that I was the one in charge of my life, and that he would be too busy to deal with all my petty problems. Of course, with the way he spoke it sounded quite nice.

Hiko didn't live in a real extravagant place, but for the time it was uppity. It had several bedrooms, two baths. I was in a room that was down the hall from my new guardian, probably so he could keep an eye on me as I adjusted to the strange surroundings.

Living in Hiko's home made me grow up rather quickly. I was in charge of everything that had to do with school, like my lunch money and my fees; I was in charge of getting myself to an from work. The one thing that Hiko did for me was get me a driver's license and a car as quickly as he could. I would have to admit, I wasn't the safest driver on the road but I could deal. For a while I worked after school, still as a waiter, still making tips. Those tips didn't go under my bed completely though. Hiko was showing me different ways to invest, and showing me the ropes of his resturant which I learned was more than what it seemed.

That man that he had yelled, that he berated about money hadn't stolen anything owned by the restaurant specifically. As Katsu had told me, Hiko didn't care about those things. But out of the back of the restaurant, a separate business was running. A sort of black market of arms and whatnot. I was petrified when Hiko first told me everything. I just nodded my head and kept my eyes in front of me.

Talk about growing up.

For the first sixteen years of my life, I moved a snail's pace in comparison to everyone else when it came to life. Living with Hiko for a few months turned me into an adult all too quickly. At the time, I thought it was a small price to pay. Especially when Hiko offered me something that I couldn't pass up.

He came into my room one evening where I sat on the bed reading. I used the old photo, the one with Kaoru in it, as my book mark. I was lost in dreamland, half staring at the picture and half reading the printed words. I hardly noticed when Hiko sat on my bed. He took the book from me, looking at the pages, then stealing the picture before handing the book back to me.

"What the..?"

I had a bit of a late reaction.

Hiko stared at the picture pensively. I had it folded in a way that Kaoru was nearly the only one visible. He smirked at the picture, leaving me to imagine the kind of thoughts that were going through his head.

"You like her?" he asked immediately.

"I uh..."

"Yes or no?"

"Yes but--"

"Her family comes pretty regularly," he told me, which was something I had gathered from her family's visits. "In fact, her father and I have a mutual respect for one another. He has a bit of...investment in the business." Hiko's head upturned in an arrogant sort of way. "I didn't know you like her though," a pause, "interesting."

"It'sjustalittlecrushisall," I said as fast as I could, and attempted to steal the picture back from him. He was too quick for me.

"A _little_ one you say?" he shrugged. "You really like her?"

"Um...yeah I...guess."

"Do you? Honestly?"

"Yes..."I began blushing very harshly. Hiko rolled his shoulders and sighed. His head cocked to the side and he began pacing around the room.

"Well I could always...no...then again--" I could see the wheels in his head turning.

"What! What!"

"I'll have a talk with Mr. Kamiya," Hiko said, flicking the piece of paper back to me. He walked out of my room, humming delightfully.

I laid there the rest of the night, coveting the picture and wondering what Hiko meant exactly. But then, why should I have wondered anything? Hiko tended to get anything he wanted. _Anything._

A/N: Well, that's all for now. Hope you enjoyed. tell me what you think. And sorry if anything sounds off or strange but...I am a litle sick right now so...bare with me. Til next time, KenSan out!


	4. 4

A/N: I realize that this might be a little confusing...but dont worry. It will become clearer later.

_"Dad came into my room one day, dragging the phone with him. The cord had long since stretched its limit, but Dad had refused to put it down for whatever the reason. He had the strangest look on his face. He didn't seem upset, but he wasn't happy either. He couldn't decide what he wanted to be. The corners of his mouth twitched ferociously. Finally he said to me 'Kaoru, you have Mr. Seijuuro on the line' which was a lie since Hiko rarely, if ever, made a direct call. It was someone who worked from him calling from a pay phone. But it was Hiko's words. He was telling me how he'd like me to come to the restaurant in a week to meet his son. His son had died a long while a go; he had some disease at birth. I couldn't imagine what Hiko wanted, being I was only twelve years old at the time. I accepted though....I never thought I would get involved with Kenshin again." -Kaoru Kamiya_

* * *

Time was nonexistent anymore, I just let the days pass on by like blobs. eventually everything was like it should be; normal. I felt that I was in a place where I belonged and I was a part of something that widely accepted me. It was thoroughly enjoyable. One night as we were closing, there came a car pulling up into the restaurant; Kaoru's family's car. Now, I wasn't all too surprised when this occurred, especially since Hiko had told me he was going to get in contact with the Koshijiro Kamiya, Kaoru's father. What surprised me was at this hour of the night that Kaoru was climbing out of the car with her father, her eyes sprinkled with the Sandman's sand and her clothes drooping like she'd just gotten out of bed.

Hiko went to the door in an orderly fashion, but there was something about his strut that was different. Mr. Kamiya came inside and shook Hiko's hand warmly, and they exchanged a few words and laughed like old friends did. Hiko let his arm travel across the dining room, and Mr. Kamiya took a seat nearest the exit while Kaoru wandered over to me.

I had been busing tables all night and was finishing up with a few plates to take back into the kitchen. She sat down at the table I was busing, stealing the few pieces of bread still left in the basket. She didn't know what to say to me it seemed, but she kept flicking her eyes up to me and looking me over.

"Something I can do for you?" I asked her, trying to be curteous.

"Kenshin!" I heard Hiko call out. My head bounced up to him. "You're still on the clock!"

"Yessir!"

Koshijiro mumbled something to Hiko which, in return, he laughed. I rushed back into the kitchen, looking over my shoulder to Hiko motioning for Kaoru to come and sit next to him. I lingered in the doorway with Katsu at my side and I watched her, curious. I could never know what Hiko was planning for me, but I was aware that Hiko knew where he wanted me to go. I bit my lip and went into the kitchen hoping to occupy my time with a few dishes. After about an hour of talking an laughing I was falling asleep with my hands in the water. The door opened, waking me up.

"Kenshin?"

"Huh?"

"Time to go home."

"What was that for?"

"Nothing important."

"He brought Kaoru..."

"It was nothing," he shook his head. "You have school tomorrow don't you?"

"Yeah."

"Go home and go to bed."

"About that..."I said to him, drying my hands off. I was about to rub the skin off them at how nervous I was. "I was thinking..."

"Yes..."

"Well, I was thinking about quitting so I can work full time," I said, my nails digging into my flesh. Hiko was silent. He turned his back to me and crossed his arms, his head hanging in thought. Then he turned back to me and his hand hit my face faster than I had time to react. I was stunned, but I knew he wasn't even trying. My head lingered at the side for a moment, tears welling in my eyes.

"Wha..?"

Steadily I turned my head to look at him and I was surprised to see the look on contempt splashed over his face. A few feet scuttled around, the onlookers who would do nothing. "You're an idiot," he said and turne don his heel, leaving the kitchen. I was thoroughly stunned and could feel my cheek turning red. I fell backward, unable to think about anything but the pain in my cheek. I remembered him telling me that my education didn't matter to him, that it wasn't his problem...so why was it his problem now?

"Ken?" I felt Sozo's hand on my back. "You okay?"

"He...hit me."

"He does that."

My head bowed. "I...I can't believe it."

Sozo knelt next to me. "He's being a parent, believe it or not. He's not doing to bad a job though...he could have reacted a little better."

"He hit me..."

"It's alright, c'mon stand up," Sozo pulled me up on my legs, but the shook. "He's not good with the emotions thing but he's concerned for you. I think he knows you're smart and he doesn't want to see you squander it away."

I pushed Sozo away, threw the towel on the ground and stormed out of the back of the kitchen so Hiko couldn't know. I didn't know what I was going to do. Dad had hit me before, but he made up for it. Hiko...he did it without any remorse and I know he did. Just the stony look on his face was enough to tell me. I squatted down outside wishing the tears weren't leaking from my face, but they were. I couldn't go anywhere, I couldn't do anything except work at the restaurant. I had been living off of Hiko's hospitality for this long.

Somehow I convinced myself that it was all the for the best, even as the bruise formed.

* * *

I suppose that you will assume that Hiko and Mr. Kamiya were planning something that had to do with me and Kaoru. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if they did, if it was in the fifteenth century or so. But we lived in a modern era where...at the time....Nixon was the president and we were living during a war that most people were protesting and there was a lot of freedom that people were trying to get. I will admit that at first the thought crossed my mind, I mean what other reason would two fathers meet? But then I remembered the year and my own will and I knew it was something different.

That's not to say that there wasn't _anything _going on that night. I didn't dwell on it for to long, but I realized that something was going to happen eventually. it happened the next year, when I was seventeen. Kaoru moved into our neighborhood, just a few doors down from Hiko. I was shocked, but then I was sure that Hiko had a hand in this. Koshijiro was a modest man, to say the least, so I didn't expect for him to transplant his family into some nice place overnight just for the hell of it.

Kaoru and I didn't go to the same school, we didn't do the same activities so honestly we weren't really around each other all that much. I suppose that it was age difference. By that time she was only thirteen so it made me feel just a bit awkward when it came to talking to her, not that I didn't talk to her at all.

Between the ages of 17 and 23 things for me weren't really interesting. I began floating through my life doing all the things that I was suppose to do. I finished high school with a B average and by that time I had been working with Sozo to learn how to cook better, which I found was something that almost came naturally for me. I was working in the kitchen the same time that I was going to a culinary school. Hiko said that it would be something that I could thrive in since he'd seen me in the kitchen, but I knew what it was.

There was a family that I know belonged in, being Hiko's son and whatnot. I know it wasn't really official, but I was learning to be close to people. I was surprised that Sanosuke was included, but then I thought about it, and knew that Sozo worked at the restaurant, and as far as I knew he always worked there. So when Sanosuke told me that he had known what his Dad was all along, I smiled. I was a part of something, a place where I knew I belonged and people who supported me in my little ventures. I never had a lift a finger through college, and neither did Sanosuke. We just got the grades and they gave us the money that we needed. Textbook? Sure here you go. Boarding fees? Make sure you get an A in that mandatory math class. I became closer to my friend than ever before, but found that we were isolating Aoshi along the way.

I came back with Sanosuke to the restaurant on my winter break, Hiko sitting at one of the tables with what I presumed was a client, a very suspcious one at that. I was 20 years old at the time and I had grown up. I learned that this world wasn't kind and that we weren't going to have it good. The things that we did may have caused a little trouble, but it wasn't our fault that there were idiots out there.

Hiko motioned for me to come up to the table, and when I did I realized who the client was. Koshijiro sat there solemnly, but he was looking less than normal. The bridge of his nose was covered by a bandage, and there were bruises ringing around his eyes.

"What happened?" I asked immediately. Koshijiro hung his head.

"He got into a little trouble," Hiko answered, as though Koshijiro was unable to speak. When he said this, I knew that the word _trouble_was a little loaded. Clients never got in trouble, as far as the family was concerned. If they did, whether it be by the cops or anyone else who felt they were going to pick on them, the family was quick to be their protection. It usually only took one good warning for them to stay out of the client's business, but this trouble was not the cops or someone else, this trouble was close trouble.

Hiko stood up telling Koshijiro he'd be right back. The man nodded, his bruised eyes following me as Hiko grabbed my arm and walked me across the dining room. Sanosuke was close behind, an ear on our conversation. Hiko's lips pursed and he told Sanosuke to go talk with Sozo in the kitchen. Sanosuke nodded, running off to the kitchen doors. Once he was finished, I felt Hiko pull my hand up, pressing something into it. My hand gripped around a wooden handle, and I was reluctant to look at my face in the steel of the carving knife.

"What the..?" But I didn't need to ask when I glanced up to Koshijiro.

"He's taken and embezzled too much money," Hiko gripped his hands around my upper arms tightly. I glanced down to the blade, seeing myself in it and wondering why I was the one to do this. One look to Hiko told me all I needed to know. The grim smile, the dim eyes. It was hurting him tremendously. Koshijiro had been his friend, and apparently for a long time. "I would have hoped that he would stop when his daughter was on the table too but..."his hands fell from my arms and he walked toward Koshijiro putting on a smile and talking to him about what all was going on. At that time, I started to stare at myself in the knife; stainless steel.

My head went up to Sanosuke emerging from the kitchen, his hands in his pockets. I glanced to Koshijiro and then to the knife before looking to Sanosuke. He nodded to me then came over to me as I tucked the knife into my jacket. Koshijiro looked over to me momentarily, thankfully after the knife was away. Sanosuke's hand went on my shoulder warmly.

"I...can't do this," I whispered. I felt weak now. I was part of the family. I had to do my part _in_that family right? Even if it hurt. And then I thought of Kaoru just as I had convinced myself that this was something that I had to do. She was young, and how would she benefit from her father being dead.

"You can," Sanosuke replied. "It's not like Hiko wants you to either. It's from a higher word," he explained. "Hiko has only one person to answer to, and that Kogoro," I knew the name. He was the head of the family. The patriarch of out little society within society. He was the only person who could tell Hiko to do or not do something. Kogoro Katsura was a man that I had yet to meet, but knew I was destined to. "I've met Mr. Katsura, he's not a bad guy. Quiet."

"I'll meet him soon," I whispered. We walked outside of the restaurant to find that it was snowing. "I can't do this."

"It won't be so bad," Sanosuke replied with a strange bout of enthusiasm. "I've done it once or twice. We just...need to trim the fat sometimes."

"You say it so simply. I can't put a knife through someone."

Sanosuke rubbed my shoulder. "He'll want it done in two weeks probably. That's how long he gives someone to come up with the money, and Kamiya in there owes _a lot_. So...it's likely that you'll be doing it when he comes back into the restaurant with his tail between his legs.

_What about his daughter?_ I was about to say, but I lowered my eyes a little.

"I guess."

"Don't stress," he rubbed my shoulder more, pushing me into his chest in a very brotherly way. "Once it's done, it's done. Then you'll not have to worry about it."

Sanosuke went toward my car. I had driven us to the restaurant where we intended to make a pit stop then leave. I now had a small apartment and Sanosuke was floor below me. "Hey! You coming!" he asked. I had my hand at my cheek and was looking at Hiko feeling anger bubble in my body.

"Yeah! Be there in a sec!" I turned on my heel and swallowed my childhood.

A/N: Strange eh? This is where the fun really starts.


	5. 5

A/N: Not much to say.....CUPCAKES...sorry...

**5.**

"_We weren't bad guys. Not that we were really good guys either but, we weren't out to hurt anyone or do anything. We were out own little group and we were happy to be a part of something. As for being bad guys...when can you tell you're a bad guy? When you've killed someone? When you've put your foot in their face and watched them beg for forgiveness even though they wouldn't get it. We weren't bad guys. We did a job; like soldiers. Like the Nazi soldiers. If you _love_ your family, there are sacrifices that have to be made. *pauses for a moment, biting his lip* Sure, I want to say I'm sorry to a lot of people for the things that happened. For the things I've said and done in the sake of upholding the family...and say I'm sorry for tearing it apart. Also...for my beloved Kaoru. _

_"We're not bad guys; we're just not good guys either."_

_-Kenshin Himura_

* * *

Two weeks came, and two weeks went. In those weeks, sitting alone in the ghostly cold home, I was visited by Kaoru several times. She was now sixteen years old, and blossoming into the most beautiful girl I'd seen. She still had the sparkling blue eyes and the long raven's hair. She had grown from the simple child she once was, with round cheeks and a flattened body. But now there was a curve around her chest and hips, and she stepped very delicately. She had one of those smiles too; it didn't matter what was going on, or how you were feeling, she could make everything better.

She came up to the house while Hiko was out and I was off. I was studying, but I was more than willing to let her in. She sat down in the living room and I made coffee. She was amazed at the home decorated in intricate trinkets that I supposed Hiko had gathered over the years. Her eyes stopped at a picture on a black and white picture on the mantelpiece, one that had Hiko, a woman and a small child in it. It was Hiko's late son and his wife whom he divorced shortly before I started working at the restaurant. It was strange to look at an old picture of Hiko and see him smile. Next to this picture was one from my high school graduation, Hiko's arm over my shoulders. "So...what brings you here?" I asked her.

"Bored," she said. "My friends are all away on some kind of vacation so..."she rolled her head, "and I haven't seen Dad in a few days. He's been working really hard."

"Is that so?"I sipped the coffee and lowered my eyes. Was I really a monster that would kill her father with my own two hands? My head went to the side. "So...where does your Dad work?"

"Um...some office I think. I don't remember what it was, he told me one when I was young."

"Your Dad's a nice guy," I said to her, as if it would somehow appease all that I was going to do. "He stops by from time to time without you. It's about the only time I hear Hiko actually happy."

"He seems like a happy guy to me," Kaoru rebutted. I had to admit, Hiko did give off a very optimistic air, though I'm sure that was his pride. Their weren't many people that I knew, family wise I mean, that had as much confidence as he did. Hiko was probably the only person allowed to have pride without it being a sin. Pride was often a man's downfall after all. But the way Hiko flaunted it didn't make it seem a sinful as it actually was. Maybe that was because his pride was real. He had a lot to be proud of; a good business, a strong family, good health.

"Yeah. You don't see him like that at work."

Kaoru came to sit next to me on the couch. "So, you're a culinary student?" she asked, folding a hair behind her ear. Her cheeks were beginning to turn an off shade of red.

"Yeah. I'm a sophomore right now."

"I'm one too," she giggled, "well, you know. In high school."

"How's that going?"

"Oh uh...it's going."

"Sophomore year's one of the hardest. You'll do better."

Just as I was taking a sip of the coffee she splayed over me, her arms tight around my neck. I raised the glass trying not to spill it on either of us. I felt her lips on my cheek. My ears began burning immediately. "Wha-what are you..?"

"You're a nice guy," she whispered. "You're so much more mature than all the jerks at my school."

"Jerks huh?"

She tightened on me further. "Yeah. They just won't leave me alone. Especially this one guy that use to live across from me."

"Who?"

"It's no one," Kaoru folded another hair behind her ear. "You're just nice and mature."

"You'e pretty mature too," I said for some reason. She glanced up to me with a funny look on her face. "And uh...beautiful too." She squeezed me tighter.

"Hiko's not gonna barge in here all of a sudden is he?" she asked, lifting from me. I set the mug down on the coffee table in case she decided to drape over me again. I shook my head, answering her question.

"He's real busy today. Some _special_ customer or something." And that was all I needed to tell her for her to understand. I was amazed that Kaoru was able to grasp everything that was going on in our family with her father being one of the those "customers". I leaned my head to the side. "Wanna go somewhere?" I asked.

"Huh?"

"You wanna go out to lunch or something? It's kinda boring around her," I held out my hand in a gentlemanly fashion, which she shyly took.

"Sure. Where do you want to go?"

"I don't know," I shrugged my shoulders. "Let's go to the next town. Maybe we can find something there."

She nodded her head. I grabbed my coat and scarf and took her hand leading her out the door.

I could feel the kinfe lapping against my side.

* * *

The first of my sins began on Decemeber 23rd, 1972.

The year 1972; Nixon was reelected and I had voted for him since the previous year the 26th amendent had been passed lowering the voting age to 18. The war in Vietnam was still going on, much to the displeasure of many Americans and to my displeasure as well, though I was sure that my views on it were a little biased since I too was about to do and kill someone for no reason. (I realize this isn't funny to you, but after I spent some years thinking back on the date I found that the "joke" grew on me). 1972 was also techinically the longest year ever recorded. It was a leap year, but as I would come to find out later, there was an extra second added onto the end of the year. I know that a second didn't mean too much, but the more I thought about it, I began to wonder what happened in that extra second. It could have happened at anytime that year, so why not in Koshijiro's fleeting moments?

I didn't really know what I was going to do as I walked into my shift that afternoon. I didn't have the knife on me, not that I needed it when I worked in a kitchen. I worked _chef de partie,_ a station chef working mainly as a roundsman in the kitchen where I would go around to whoever needed me in the kitchen. Often times I would be one to hand things off to Katsu, who was now a waiter, to take out to the floor.

My shift began at two in the afternoon and was going to go on until closing time. I told Katsu to keep me on alert for when Koshijiro arrived; he asked me why and I said that Hiko wanted me to keep an eye out. He was more than happy to oblige.

Sometime later Katsu came in, nudging my shoulder. I had been pretty zoned out at the time not only working hard, but someone in the kitchen had a radio and was playing the Pittsburgh-Oakland game which was beginning to wrap itself up, Pittsburgh down 7-6. I hadn't been much of a football fan in first place, but it was something to get my mind off everything.

"Ken?"

I glanced up, my ears tearing away from the radio.

"Yeah?"

"He's here," I heard him say. I nodded my head and took off my apron, heading out onto the floor to see Koshijiro standing at the door. His hands were shoved far into his pockets, and his head was down. I didn't try to look pleased in the slightest, but I did become very aloof.

"Mr. Kamiya?" I asked quietly, hoping not to draw attention. He looked up to me, and my heart sank when I saw the relief in his eyes.

"Ken," he sighed out.

"Hiko...Hiko asked me to take you to his office."

"Oh."

I led him back, looking to the front door to see Sanosuke coming in, shaking the snow from his shoulders. When we arrived at the door, I was surprised to see it half open. Somehow though, I wasn't all too surprised that Hiko was elsewhere. The kitchen to be precise. I blinked a moment, ushering Koshijiro into the room. Sanosuke clasped one of his large hands on my shoulder, momentarily stopping the quiver that was going down my spine. "Here." he whispered. He took my hand and shoved something in it. "This might make it a little easier."

It was a Derringer. I quivered more but didn't speak. "I'll be outside 'kay?" I nodded. I went inside, closing the dorr firmly behind me and glancing around to see if there was anything suspicious. Hiko had the long drapes covering the windows, as he always did, which made it impossible for anyone to look into his office.

Koshijiro was leaning against the desk leaking desperation. He was chanting something, probably something that he was trying to memorize to tell Hiko. I grabbed him underneath the arms and held him against my chest. Koshijiro was a half foot taller than I was, so I was amazed that I could manage to point the gun anywhere in the vacinity of his face.

"You don't have the money do you?" I asked. He shook his head. "Then I'm going to ask you to do something else for me."

"Wha-wha..?" he squeaked out.

"Do it yourself," I pushed him away from him, listening to him 'thud' against the desk. I slammed the gun down next to him. I realized that I was shaking worse than he was.

"What do you..?"

"Do it yourself," I said. Despite the fear the rippled through me, I found another part of me was surprisingly calm and serene. It was like it would be if I was sitting watching television, or reading. I took a few steps forward until I was breathing down his neck. Picking up the gun, I place it in his hand. His body was like putty against me; I could practically get it to do anything. "You want _them _to hurt your daughter?" I asked in a sudden burst. It seemed that I had chose the magic words. I released my hand from the gun to see that he was still holding it. It went up to his temple and he turned to looked at the curtains behind Hiko's desk. I closed my eyes as I listened to the shot go off.

Blood splashed against my face, running into nostrils and lips. I opened my eyes, the blood dripping from my lashes. I hardly recognized my own screaming. Koshijiro's body slumped against Hiko's desk, spilling blood over a few files and mahogany. He then slipped off and landed at my feet which was slowly backing away. Sanosuke had entered the room, grabbing the gun from Koshijiro. Hiko was next, kneeling to his friend and shaking him, yelling for him to wake up. It was all a sympathetic set up. Sanosuke and I were there, caught off guard by Koshijiro's declaration of death, which is why our fingerprints could be explained on the gun. We tried to stop him, he pushed us away and then BANG! That was all she wrote. And I played the perfect part, screaming my lungs out and nearly weeping. Hiko grabbed the phone from his desk and started to dial the police.

I wandered away from the scene, wide eyed and shaken. I went all the way to kitchen, drawing attention at each step. Blood was running onto my clothes, and they were probably appalled at the sound of a gunshot as well. Slipping into the kitchen I went to the nearest sink and began washing my face off. People were gathering around me. Other than a few newcomers and Katsu, everyone knew what had just happened. I was too zoned out to hear anything clearly except:

"_Last chance for the Steelers. Bradshaw trying to get away. And his pass is...broken up by Tatum. Picked off! Franco Harris has it! And he's over! Franco Harris grabbed the ball on the deflection! Five seconds to go! He grabbed it with five seconds to go and scored_!" (1)

* * *

She cried. She wetted my shoulder heavily while I sat in my own state of shock and mourn. I patted her back as I bit back my own feelings. I was neutral. I'd been sitting thinking to myself after that. I hadn't really reacted. I had said or done much unless it was done robotically. You could say that it was a temporary depression. My mind succumbing to all the feelings that were suddenly thrust on me.

Kaoru cried until she cried herself to sleep that night, and I didn't feel as awful as I thought I would. It was half past eleven by the time she fell asleep though, but Hiko and I were still sitting up. I, trying to console her, and him trying to console himself. It was the first time I saw him brood, and it was probably the last too. I finally got a little grip on myself when I look down to Kaoru asleep on my shoulder, her face all red from crying. I picked her up and started for the door telling Hiko that I was taking her home.

Outside it was snowing lightly, enough to make the grass look dusty. I walked three houses down, with Kaoru's weight bearing on my arms, to her home where the door was unlocked. I manuvered my way to her living room. I put her on the couch, covering her with a blanket that was on the top. I then sat down in the arm chair across from her like a watchmen, my head resting against my folded hands. Koshijiro's smell was all over the place, clogging up my nose and bringing back the scent of blood. I licked my lips, hoping to wash away the blood that had seeped between them.

Kaoru opened her eyes a bit, and I wasn't really sure if she was all the way there when she woke up that she was able to see things very clearly. She looked serene as her eyes locked onto me. I lowered my head. I didn't deserve to have precious eyes look at me like that.

* * *

(1)- a line from Curt Gowdy when the actual game was played between Pittsburgh and Oakland; it was the first time that Pittsuburgh had won a postseason game...(not a Steelers fan btw....just saying....) The play made was the extremely controversial play called the 'Immaculate Reception'.

A/N: Well..till next time, KenSan out!


	6. 6

A/N: Well this is going to take an interesting turn...:)

* * *

**6.**

_"I knew he wasn't into me. I knew there was another woman around. I was just something there to fill the void; he didn't tell me what he was involved with, who he was involved with or why he was involved with it. The truth was, I really wasn't interested in any of it. I did know for certain that he lived a lavish lifestyle. He showered me with gifts and I was treated like royalty; not just by him but people around him, though I noticed the looks. Whoever this girl was that had his attention must have definitely been a beauty queen and must have had some extreme passion. Kenshin's heart wasn't icy...it wasn't even there. She had stolen it right out of his chest and probably had it on her mantle and she just...watched it, waiting for him to come back. _

_"Like I said...I really didn't care."_

_-Tomoe Yukishiro_

* * *

1973 was a dark year for me. Once Koshijiro had passed I felt I had morphed into some sort of monster. There was something about myself that was different. I wasn't as interested in everyone and everything as I usually was. I brooded a lot. I didn't go around Kaoru much either, and she didn't come around me. We were like magnets, and at the time we were both north; cold and bitter at the world. All my life I felt that I'd been doing something good, even if it wasn't. I myself hadn't done anything wrong, I hadn't even gotten a traffic ticket. But when the blood went on my face and I saw the body I was terrified. What was worse was that Sanosuke didn't even blink and eye, but then I knew he had been doing hits for a while. Seeing one more die wasn't going to change him.

I confided in a few people. Sanosuke was one of them even though I knew that nothing would come of it. Then, after Koshijiro's funeral where most of the family attended, something even darker occurred: Kaoru moved away. I couldn't help but feel something in me break. As she was driven away by some aunt or grandmother or whatever the woman in the driver's seat was, I felt my heart being ripped from my chest the further the car got away. I had gotten so close to her in those few days. We went on quiet dates at little restaurants and we even went to the movies. After she was gone I felt like there was a void, there was something missing.

Of course I figured she was never coming back.

For a few months I was lost. I moped around like I did when I was fifteen, what got me started in this business in the first place. It made me realize that I had yet to complete the grief cycle with my own father and I had to face that coupled with the loss of Kaoru. I didn't let my emotions interfere with my education which I finished up eventually, but it did interfere with my relationships with the people around me. Hiko was constantly yelling at me, telling me that I needed to liven up and that she was just a woman. I was dropping things at work and mixing up recipes. Eventually Hiko got to the point that he couldn't stand me anymore and he threw me out--literally.

One April day during spring break I had gotten up to find my room looked rather barren and standing in the hallway was Hiko, his arms crossed. I went up to him ready to ask what the hell was going on when he grabbed my arm and started pulling me down the stairs where the door was open. It was a cool April morning, with the flowers blooming creating a nice fresh breeze. Hiko lifted me by my waist and moved me out midway down the sidewalk where all my things were packed up.

"Until you get yourself together," he said in a warning tone, "you will not live in this house. You're too dependent on those around you."

I knew that this was one of his life lessons, but it didn't feel like it as he walked away and slammed the door in my face. I kicked at the gravel on the sidwalk then grabbed one of the bags and threw it at the closed door.

The farthest thing I felt like doing at that moment was crying. I wanted to take it out on anybody and everybody, but there was no way I could do it. I needed something that could completely take me from this world and put me in another one.

I went back to school and settled in the dorm, my eyes glazed over and tired. I was exhausted even when I hadn't done anything. Parts of me ached other than my mind. I wasn't exactly helpless but I was close to it. The void was just growing bigger and bigger and no matter how much I ran from it, it wouldn't go away. It just kept sucking me in, harder and faster. I got out of my sophomore year with decent marks, but after that I began my descent into something that still haunts my every waking moment.

I got an apartment knowing that Hiko wouldn't let me come back yet. We still talked and I still held my job. I still made more money than any person my age should, but I wasn't satisfied. I would stay out late after my shift ended. I partook more in selling the arms out of the back meeting people I never thought I would meet, one of which was a woman.

She was classy. She came up wearing a pair of shoes that cost so much they shouldn't be walked on. Her skin was pale, her eyes were flaming with pride yet so glassy that she seemed devoid of humanity. She didn't smile immediately and she didn't speak. I watched her quietly and waited for her to approach me. It took her about ten minutes, then she came up to me and put something in my hand and walked away. It was a scrap of paper from someone's agenda book and it had her name and phone number on it.

At first I scoffed at it, but the biggest mistake was that I never threw it away. Though my heart had told me Kaoru was coming back eventually, that there was never really a forever, my mind showed me the logic of everything and forced me to dial the phone. Yeah, I'm sure it's stupid to say that I was forced by my own body. Let's just say that I was nudged.

Her name was Tomoe and she was a part of another family. At the time I wasn't aware that there was even another family nearby, and they weren't but they were just as much a hassle. Not knowing what she was apart of and who she was associated with I spoke to her kindly, but kept myself detached. I could hear an ache in her voice. She had lost someone too, and I knew that she was in pain. Somehow I thought that confiding in one another would be good for me. And at first it was.

She came to my apartment for the first time in May. She had her haired bunned up, her lips deep red and her face still porcelain white. Her nails were like a dragons, red and sharp.

"Who'd you lose?" I asked her after a half hour of eating and chatting about the weather and what was on T.V.

"His name was Akira he was...a nice city boy. Worked for Daddy for a while before he had to move onto other things. He asked me to marry him though so we could stay close. He was stabbed though about a month ago."

I got up and got a bottle of wine I had stored for a special occasion. I knew we were going to need it. "Isn't it a bit sudden to start...dating again?"

"I didn't know this was a date," she quipped, wiping her mouth off. She smeared some of her lipstick but I didn't say anything.

"Touche'."

She laughed. "And what about you Mr. Himura?"

"Oh..me? Well um...she moved away and I don't know where. She kinda went against her will."

"She's young," Tomoe deduced. I didn't give her a definitive answer but I was sure by my actions she could tell what I was thinking. "At least she's not dead. I think Akira's dead for a reason."

"A reason?" she seemed like a prophet in the way she spoke. Calm and omniscient. Nothing seemed to bother her. Even the death of her fiance' seemed almost trivial. "What do you mean?"

"Well...people didn't like him I know. He didn't know when to shut his mouth so I'm not surprised."

"You mourn though right?"

"Oh of course of course," she seemed to come to her senses. "I can't not mourn. I'd known him since I was seventeen."

"How old are you now, if I'm allowed to ask."

She played coy for a few minutes but she wasn't afraid to tell me. "I'm twenty four." She was three years older than me, but she didn't look a day over sixteen. It was a quality that she wouldn't lose for a long time, as I recall.

After that, we got close but we never called anything a date. To both us, we were still with our respective partners and this was just a real close friendship. Even when we were out in public, or when we were at the movies. We went out to eat often and I found myself giving her little gifts. I knew I was compensating for my loss so far, and I was tryign to indulge her like I would Kaoru. Strange as it sounds, I always found myself imagining that she was Kaoru. She had the same heart shaped face and onyx hair. She didn't smile much, but she grinned just enough to make me realize that she wasn't emotionless.

I got a priviliage in August. We went to see _Enter the Dragon_and Tomoe brought along an extra guest. He pulled up in a sleek black car . When he stepped out, I was surprised to see a sixteen year old boy look at me from behind a pair of mirrored sunglasses. I wasn't totally appalled by it though. I only had to think of myself at sixteen to know how things tended to work out, especially with the people that I know.

"I'd like you to meet my brother, Enishi," Tomoe said, her hands out like Barker Beauty. Enishi stepped up to me, taking off the glasses as he did. And then the problem began.

He took my hand very firmly, his eyes looking dead into mine. That handshake was more deadly than and narcotic or firearm. And believe me, if looks could kill, I'd be dead right now. The way Enishi, at sixteen, could peer into my soul was frightening. I held my ground as firmly as he held my hand. I smiled and offered my name:

"I'm Kenshin Himura."

"Enishi Yukishiro. Tomoe's said quite a lot about you."

"Hopefully all good," I laughed trying to settled the tension. He let go of my hand and walked over to his sister, hugging her fondly. "You didn't tell me that we had a tag along."

"I won't bother anyone Mr. Himura, I promise. I just wanted to see the movie is all."

"I was just...oh nevermind. Come on, I heard good stuff about this."

So we went in. While we watched the movie, Tomoe grappling to the both of through intense fight scenes, I couldn't help but take a glance at Enishi and wonder what he was planning. He was the kind of person that you could just feel was slimy and revolting, but you could never pin anything wrong on him because he had a great amount of discretion and politeness. We got out of the movie, and I pretended that I still wasn't a bit suspicious of him as I pretended to do a few of Bruce Lee's moves, failing miserably.

"Kung Gu monkey," I heard Tomoe say. I laughed too, thanking that I at least stayed on my feet.

"Hey um...I want you to meet someone," I said to her, having Hiko in mind. "Plus we could grab something to eat while we're there."

"Sure, sounds delightful."

"Mind if I tag along?" Enishi asked. I couldn't deny him, otherwise I would be on Tomoe's bad side, and I couldn't be that risking the chance that my floatation device would be pulled out from under me. I told him to just follow me and that we would be there in no time.

I was silent the whole car ride, fiddling with the radio to fill any empty space between me and Tomoe. She could sense that I could sense something was wrong, at least in my book there was something wrong. I didn't want to bring it up, so I just let it fester there until we got to the restaurant where Sanosuke was hanging out front. The sternest look was on his face and I was surprised when he looked at me, motioning for me to come over to him quickly. I nodded and got out of the car, Tomoe and Enishi following shortly behind. He grabbed my shoulder and put his mouth by his ear as he said:

"Are you out of your fucking mind!"

Okay, so the ear thing was a little useless unless he was trying to make me deaf.

"What the heck is your problem..."I asked, my finger digging in my ear to stop the ringing.

This time, he did whisper: "You know who the hell that is?"

"My...friend?" I asked, curious if he was talking about Tomoe or Enishi.

"You might want to talk to Hiko...now."

It wasn't a good sigh when Sanosuke delivered a brutish warning to me about Hiko. I shoved my hands in my pockets and went inside, the sibling pair following shortly being. they were seated while I walked over to Hiko's office. He stood in the hallway, leaning against one of the walls nonchalantly. It was bad when he didn't look pissed. "You have new friends?" he cut right to the chase.

"Yeah, I suppose."

"Yukishiro?"

"Yes..."

"Are you out of your fucking mind."

"I'm beginning to think so," I muttered. "Why does this matter. They're just...people."

"People you have no right being involved with," he pushed me into his office. "I told you to grow up, I didn't tell you to start cavorting with the enemy."

"Enemy?"

"You think all this is clean?"

"All what?"

He shook his head tiredly. "We're a business, right?"

"On what grounds?" I inquired, wondering which he was talking about. He gave me a scowl and I nodded.

"We're a business, and guess what, we have competition. We're not the only family out there trying to stay together. These are tough times, and we have to figure them out accordingly, even if that means making a few enemies."

"What do you want me to say? I didn't do anything wrong at this point."

"You didn't do anything wrong? You're sleeping with the fucking enemy!"

"I haven't slept with her!"

He shook his head yet again. "Nevertheless. Get rid of her, by whatever means."

"I'm not killing her."

"_Get rid of her!"_

I took that as a sign for me to leave. After that, I settled down at the table and spoke to Enishi and Tomoe quietly pretending I didn't know their little secret. the only problem was I began to get paranoid. I was curious if he knew about me and if he was as ruthless as any other family member. I began to disassociate myself at the dinner table feigning that I had a headache. Apparently that's what it was anyway. One big headache....one big screw up.

* * *

A/N: he's tredding in dangerous waters...gotta love it...I promise Kaoru will come back in time, but I need to establish a bad guy eventually so....baer with me. Till next time, Ken-san out!


	7. 7

A/N: Okay now...hm...how bout we keep moving eh?

* * *

**7.**

"_We'd been watching _Golden Dragon _[Seijuuro's restaurant] for some time because of reports of strange activities there from the customers. Over time, out inspections seemed very fruitless, but we had the feeling there was something there. It wasn't until December 23rd, 1972 that we got anything that was worthy of a search warrant. _

_"When Koshijiro Kamiya showed up dead, an apparent suicide, we took this as our chance to move in, at least discreetly. I was one of the first put on the job. (sighs) Himura had been my friend for the longest time, along with Sagara, but then things just started to change. They were both distant and when it came to speaking about where they had been there were very few words that they spoke. By the time that we were older, all that was left was Christmas and birthday cards to show that we knew everyone was still alive. _

_"In '74 I started playing my part as the long lost friend. Sagara got me a job at the restaurant, at least part time. Seijuuro was very accepting of me. But I knew what my job was..."_

_-Aoshi Shinomori_

* * *

In October of 1973 things seemed to be going bad economically. OPEC wasn't being very nice to the U.S. and gas began shooting up like a bottle rocket. For most this was a worry. It endangered there way of life. As many put it, gas was going up but the wages weren't. During that period we saw a sharp decline in those that came to the restaurant, even though it was close to suburbia, even in walking distance of most folks. But, even with business bad, Hiko was in a very good mood. One business was failing, but the other was thriving.

One day Sanosuke came in through the back of the restaurant, his face splashed with delight beyond all recognition. He plowed into Hiko, grabbing his shirt and pulling him toward the back where several cars were parked. I walked with Hiko, suspicious of what had gone on. Leaning out the door gave me enough clue. Sanosuke had hit some serious money; I mean serious. This was the kind of money that you saw on game shows or the lottery and it was all piled up in the back of several nondescript cars with untraceable license plates. I had to ask Sanosuke where he came across all this, and all he said to me was:

"I fucking love airports."

I didn't really need to ask because I heard what had been going on while I was in the kitchen. There was going to be money coming through the airport one afternoon, and Hiko had a few friends over there in control who wouldn't get in the way of Sanosuke and his friends pecking the money out of the load. It would have to sit overnight in the airport before it moved. It moved alright...

"Good for you. Where are you taking me?" I joked, imagining a Caribbean cruise. I hadn't been on a vacation since I was a child, with Mom and Dad to the beach. I was wearing diapers and going into ocean water when that happened though.

"Hell, I don't know. Anywhere you want with this kind of jack."

Hiko got his cut, and so did Sanosuke and his goons. I found it hilarious that in a time where everyone knew that money was really tight, we were laughing it up with more than we could count. I was laughing too; maybe I shouldn't have been, maybe then I could have breathed easier as I got older.

After that, things seemed to be quiet and laid back. I was going to college, my final year around the corner, and I was still rather steady with Tomoe. Though Hiko had said that she was bad news, there was only so much that he could say. I had free will and I liked who I liked. Sure, Tomoe was no Kaoru, but then I needed something. Early into 1974, we were deep into a relationship. We had gotten carnal. It wasn't just a kiss or a hug or a movie. She was coming to my apartment, staying for three or four days, and usually we never slept. We dug into each other like we were burrowing our way to China. My clothes had a new place to hang out: my floor, and so did hers. Needless to say we were animals. If anything, this was filling the void that had been empty for such along time. Each time we touched I felt all my emotions run through my veins. Anger pulsating, and fear gripping me and pulling me into her flesh. Sadness working in overdrive as I wondered why I was taking in so much joy and happiness. I would wake up at all hours of the night to make sure that I would get up the next morning for class.

One morning she grabbed my pant leg: "C'mon babe, let's keep going," she could say, slurring. I knew that Tomoe wasn't going on sheer energy alone. Long ago she dismissed her own body and let the shot of adrenaline she gave herself every evening last until she needed the next. I was amused at how good she could be at conversation, sounding like she was drunk. I was amazed at the appearances that she kept, and the normalcy she had. Tomoe was one of a kind. High as a bird most of the time, but something told me that no one would ever know the difference if she was off. I had to beg to differ.

Another morning I got up wondering why she wasn't laying next to me, but she was standing on my balcony with nothing but her robe on, and she wasn't even trying to hold it closed. Her body was pressed against the railing, her head leaning over like she was waiting for the axe to come down. I pulled on a pair of pants and leaped outside, my hand on my shoulder. There were little chunks of something in her hair and looking down I realized that my neighbors would be in for a surprise.

"Tomoe, babe, what's wrong are you sick?"

"Let me go," she didn't really resist; she only rolled her shoulders like she was untensing. She wriggled beneath my grasp.

"Tomoe, what's wrong?"

"I said let me go...b-bastard."

I should have seen it coming. She had gotten off her buzz a little early. I had seen this before, not that I really was intending to find it, but I knew that dealing with these situations was very delicate. While I had the chance I should have backed away for the sake of my own body but instead I moved closer, my stomach against the railing leaning out with her, trying to coax her to move back in. I remember telling her that I would get her a cup of coffee then...

I was gripping my face, a few pieces of the ceramic between my fingers. At first I didn't know what she had done, but one quick look showed the potting soil splattered over the balcony floor, along with the orange ceramic pieces. The plant hadn't been living too long, in case you were wondering. My hands clasped where warm blood fell down my cheek.

"Goddammit!" I screeched out, tears dripping from my face. I looked up at Tomoe sharply; she was still brandishing what was left of the lip of the pot. I took my hands off my face and in a burst of anger let my palm strike her face. "What the fuck is wrong with you!" I winced and drew back into the corner of the balcony. "Dammit..." blood fell from nose too, but I could distinctly feel the marks where the ceramic had cut.

"Y-You..." she stammered out. Her hand was on the railing trying to steady herself. "Y-You..."

"Out with it!"

She burst into tears. Her face was streaked with the blood that I had on my palm. "Bastard!" she cried out, her tears nearly drowning out the words. "Why...what..."

"Why? Why yourself you stupid..." I sucked in a deep breath and touched the skin again. I went into the kitchen and pressed a cloth against it, hoping to stop the bleeding. After ten minutes it was still persisting, blood dribbling down my chest. I took one look at my hands, covered with caked on blood, before I looked back at Tomoe. Her face was in her knees, her arms hugging around her body. She was distraught, tired, scared. I was sure that this was the first time she had experienced reality in a while. It sucked.

"Tomoe?" I asked quietly. She sobbed and turned away from the voice. "Tomoe...I-I'm sorry...Tomoe."

The begging wouldn't help. It didn't matter what the woman did to you, you never hit her back. It was something of a complex that men should have had, but as time went on it seemed to grow more scarce. I was amazed at the thoughts of my hand reaching out and striking her in rage, just as she had done me. I felt terrible about it, but I couldn't have been sure that her tears were that of anguish or not.

I pressed the towel against my cheek once more and grabbed a shirt to put on. Chances were I wasn't going to class that morning.

* * *

I should never have left her alone that morning. I went to an urgent care hoping that it would make things a little easier on me. I didn't have to give as many explanations to what had happened, I just needed to stop the bleeding. When they took me in I was a little light headed. I was sure if there was some artery in my face that she had struck, but there was something there that refused to quit bleeding. It was like the time that I had gotten a nosebleed when I still lived with my Dad. It didn't stop bleeding for several hours and I was afraid I was going to die. When it did stop, I felt the same way. Tired and lightheaded. But, even under the circumstances, I shouldn't have left Tomoe by herself, even if I was dying.

I walked out with my cheek covered with thick bandages and my eye a bit swollen. There were stares by the dozens just walking out to the car and getting in. I was drained physically and mentally. All I wanted to do was go home and lay down. When I got there, I didn't find Tomoe anywhere. She'd left clothes, make-up and paraphenalia behind, but she was no where to be seen. I thought that she would call because it was an easy way for me to get out of things. I propped up my feet and laid back on the couch with ice on my forehead. Hour after hour I waited, but up until midnight that night things were silent.

I passed out until early the next morning when there was a rapping on my door. I jumped up and rushed over praying that it Tomoe so my guilty conscious would be cleared, but my hopes deflated when seeing Sanosuke leaning in my doorway.

"Sano..."

"Whoa...what did you get into?"

"I don't wanna talk about it."

"Musta been bad," Sanosuke mumbled. "You missed your shift yesterday."

I had forgotten in all the worry, but that didn't matter. I really couldn't make up for that one happening. I sat back down and closed my eyes. "Was Hiko furious?"

"Concerned more."

"That's a stretch."

Sanosuke shrugged and sat next to me. "Well, he was, even if you don't wanna believe it," Sanosuke looked around at the clothes strewn on the floor. "You have a party with some strippers?"

"Not quite."

Sanosuke crossed his arms. "Good, cuz if you did and didn't invite me you'd be pounded," he was trying to cheer me up. It was a very thoughtful gesture, but there was nothing in me to laugh at him. I nodded and felt myself drifting off. "Man," he grabbed my shoulder, "you alright?"

"Fine."

"You don't look it."

"My head hurts. I hit it yesterday."

"Oh," he nodded as if he didn't already know that. "You want me to tell Hiko you can't make it in?"

"Would you?"

He said yes, but then added something strange. "The temp will take over."

I bolted up immediately, wondering what he meant. My eyes shot toward Sanosuke. There was no way that in a day there was someone new there. Not without my knowing a few days in advance. I continued to prod him with these questions of the eyes, and finally he said: "Yeah, actually you know him pretty well."

"Oh?"

"Shinomori. Aoshi? You remember. Yeah, he's in a slump with money right now and he's working with Hiko. A few recommendations from me really."

"I thought that Aoshi had a nice job," I said, curious about my old friend. I hadn't spoken to him in the longest time and was curious whether or not he was still alive. We hardly spoke of him at all, as if he had just disappeared off the Earth. "Huh, must be fate," I said, hoping that it was that because my head couldn't take any more thinking.

"Yeah. Well, I'll leave you be. Call if you need anything though, seriously."

"I will, promise."

I fell asleep after that, all my dreams plagued with finding Tomoe.

* * *

It took me a few more days to recover. It was mostly the effort of trying to get out of bed in the morning that was taking it out of me. The headaches and confusion had subsided, and it had sunk in that Tomoe wasn't coming back, not even for her expensive shoes that she liked to show off to everyone. I started picking all her things up, throwing them in a trash bag as I did. They had her smell all over them, so I couldn't disregard them that easily. I kept the bag in a corner of the apartment and headed out for my shift that night, my hands shaking.

The bandage still ate a fourth of my face, and the bruising and swelling had only gone down slightly. It was no wonder when I came through the employee entrance that there were looks. I threw on an apron and started to work, hoping it would keep people away from me. There were too many questions; it was just too hard to think under all the noise and confusion. It was as if, somehow, someone had taken my anatomy and rearranged it. There was nothing right anymore. All my nerves seemed hypersensative, all my senses seemed to take in way to much. It hurt to think. I wondered why. Was Tomoe really that big a deal as she seemed? I guess maybe she was. She filled that hole for a while. She filled that sensation, that longing to be touched, that longing to be held and to know that there was someone there who cared about you in some way, even as primal as if was.

I sat down on my beak and rubbed my temples hard, a commerical coming on the radio real loud. There came someone up to me with loud shoes and the smell of dishwater and cologne mixing together. I glanced up to see the piercing blue eyes a rugged bangs of a friend that I had lost.

"Are you alright Himura?" he asked casually. He sat down next to me, wiping off his hands even though I was sure they were dry.

"Fine just...lost."

"You haven't been saying much to anyone. What bothers you?"

Aoshi wasn't one to beat around the bush; he hadn't been even when he was a kid. I had to applaud him for not changing a bit as he grew older, though he seemed to be the only one to have sense and actually cut his hair as the times changed.

"I, a girlfriend."

"Tomoe?" he asked. It didn't surprise me that he knew. Everyone in the kitchen knew about her. She frequented the restaurant enough to be a benefactor. "What about her?"

"She's...vanished." I said it like it was a fantasy, because that was what it seemed like. There was no way that Tomoe would leave everything behind and up and leave; at least not without telling anybody that she was leaving. I could have approached Enishi, but I had enough headache with problems, I didn't need and earful from Hiko to add onto it.

"Oh?"

"Yeah...she..."I rubbed my temples. "It's nothing okay. I'll be fine," I didn't want to tell him too much just because I wanted to save my energy to be able to finish the shift. He seemed more than happy to oblige; neither of us were really talkers.

After a while, all these things had been so routine it was boring. My face healed up eventually, but it didn't look pretty. There was a ragged cross on the skin, a pale red color that seemed almost to glow in the right light. As if Tomoe, when striking, had made sure that she made her point to try and hurt me; to let me know that she was always going ot be there. I couldn't help but touch the marred skin every time I looked in a mirror. It made me agonize over what had happened.

No one had really said anything about her though. If she was so important, there would have been something in news about her. But there wasn't. Enishi wasn't asking for help finding her; there weren't any missing persons out on her. I assumed, after I had convinced myself that this was the only possibility, that she had left just because she wanted to get out and anything that was there was just too much for her to handle. I kept telling myself that, even as I looked for her on the streets of where ever I was.

* * *

Sanosuke called me one night and began begging and pleading for me to go out to eat with him. He said he would make it worth my while, which usually meant that he would be the one to cough up the money, not me. I didn't want to go, but then, I needed something lift my spirits up. It was the only thing that was left for me to do. He was my best friend, I couldn't deny him.

He met me at a small restaurant that was obscured from most people's view. It was pitch black that night; the moon was new, the clouds that passed by almos tlooked like fog, and the stars were dimmed. Sanosuke and his partner who I'd yet to recognize were illuminated by bright red lights above their heads. The lights flashed, a stinging sound whirring in the air. I approached cautiously, wondering if this was the scene to walk into. I studied it, and I studied his partner. She was almost as tall as Sanosuke, and that was without platform shoes. She seemed to be very simle; her hair was down and her clothes weren't too gaudy, but her make-up seemed to make up for things. Her lips glowed in the light where the same colors blended, and her eyes were brought out by the contrast. She wanted people to notice her slim face and foxy like eyes.

"Hey, you made it."

"Well, you said you had something special," I reminded him. I never removed my hands from my pockets, even as the woman introduced herself as '_Doctor _Megumi Takani'. A doctor, and by the looks of it she seemed a bit older than Sanosuke as well; not enough that it made any difference though. I closed my eyes and looked around.

"I'm a third wheel huh? Guess I shoulda brought a date," I said laughing at him.

"Oh, don't worry," Megumi purred. She seemd to grip onto Sanosuke like a cat, her nails extended and grabbing into the crevices of his jacket. "I have a friend coming that you'll like a lot. She should be here any minute."

I felt dirty. I jumped out of the relationship with Tomoe so suddenly that it was whiplash, and I had never recovered from Kaoru. I guess that it was the idea of thinking I'd found love and then realizing that I was only dreaming.

Then again, Sanosuke was trying to be nice and trying to make me feel better. If there was anything that he could say about relationships, it was that he knew them very well. Megumi was a new girlfriend, one that hadn't really been around him long enough to know him, and I would guess when she started to realize that Sanosuke was all the chivalrous she wouldn't stay too long either.

My eyes drew to a car pulling up because Megumi and Sanosuke's did as well. The light flickered off for nearly twenty seconds letting only headlights allow me to see the face of who was arriving. When I did see the face my whole body froze.

"I..."

* * *

A/N: Heehee...leaving it there...yays! Another chappie. Heehee...till next time, KenSan out!


	8. 8

A/N: Okay now...hm...how bout we keep moving eh?

* * *

**8.**

_"I need to be calling him a sour puss. He was, at least when I first met him. Sano had yucked this guy up like he was part of _The Beatles_or something, but when I met him, he seemed a bit dull. Maybe I was looking at his face too much, which, with the nasty mark on his cheek, wasn't really pretty. His eyes were dull, his conversation was minimal, and he wasn't really paying attention. And that was before dinner...Trust me, you really don't want to know about dinner."_

_-Megumi Takani_

* * *

I stalled, my heart freezing for the next minute. I couldn't breath, couldn't move. I stopped like a frame on a faulty television, my eyes blinking several times before I comprehended what was before me. I was thankful for the limited light, because it made everything seem all the more imaginary. Like this was all a dream and I was going to wake up a young boy in bed. I thawed out, my eyes looking her up and down. She was with the times, like a bohemian, but much, much more. Her eyes were glittery, her hair was braided and hanging over her shoulder, and she had a circlet around her head like an Indian princess. She was dressed in a woman's jumpsuit, held by two thin pieces of string that looked ready to bust at any moment. Her pants flared and her shoes made her taller than me for once.

"Hey," she said, waving vehemently. "Long time no see," she giggled, walking up to me and putting her arms around my neck. It was like nothing had ever happened to her or to me. Like her father had never died. She shoved her nose in my shirt, tottering on the tips of her shoes. "Oh do I miss that smell," she giggled out. "You just have the sweetest smell. Like you've run througha field of flowers."

"Hello Kaoru," I replied. "You look like you're doing well."

"I am. Eighteen and riding free," she said. "I graduated near top of my class too. Auntie got me a nice car and a book," she said. Kaoru was full of so much laughter and energy that it made me tired to try and think of keeping up with her. I took a few steps back, making it as inconspicuous as I possibly could, and feigned a smile. I didn't comprehend the feelings. It was this surge of relief and, needless to say, my libido had probably flared up, but there was also this rush of pain and anger. I knew that there was no reason for her to assume that I had done anything to hurt her, and by now I was sure that she had gotten passed all the fuss and grieving, but it just made me so conflicted that I couldn't understand what my mind, my heart, hell my libido wanted.

"A book?" I heard Megumi say. "What was that?"

"She gave me this thing called _The Feminine Mystique_by Fryman or Freeman or whatever and my God it is so true."

"_Feminine Mystique_?" Sanosuke seemed a little less than pleased by the sound of it. "What the hell could that be about?"

"Well, it's a girl thing you know," she said, as though it was everyday. "We better go inside to eat. I don't want to waste everyone's time by explaining it."

"Oh, please do," Megumi said, pushing her to continue. "I want to hear about this."

Kaoru cleared her throat as we got a table. It was a nice little restaurant. It wasn't really uppity per se. We knew some people who pulled some strings. It had good food and good people if you knew them. We sat at a booth, Sanosuke and Megumi on one side and Kaoru and me on the other. I sat on the inside, more near Sanosuke as if it would make things seem any more realistic.

"Well you see," she said, clearing her throat again. "It's about how the housewife is stupid really. At least that's what I gathered, and that it's not being that kind of trained woman that makes a woman happy. That we are being dehumanized by men, sorry guys," she said, holding her hands up to both me and Sanosuke, "by doing the chores around the house and being represented by our husbands. It makes so much sense."

"So what? Marriage is a stupid thing?" Sanosuke scoffed.

"You are such a man," Megumi jabbed him hard in the side with her elbow. "You still have this book Kaoru?" Megumi asked, leaning over to the raven haired woman inquiring further about it. We ordered our food, and all the while the girls talked Sanosuke rolled his eyes or yawned out of boredom and frustration. Not only couldn't he get in a word edgewise, as he really liked to do, but he was getting annoyed at hearing a certain amoutn of woman power. Megumi was right, Sanosuke was a traditional man. I guess it was the product of being raised by a father only. I wasn't any better though, with my father and Hiko for all my life I really had no true chance of being around a tender woman. It made me start wondering about what made a man the way that he was; or a woman for that matter.

I was into it about as much as Sanosuke was. I really didn't want to be preached at just for being the opposite sex, but I understood well that there were movements that happened all the time that were out of many people's control, even those who pushed it and nursed it along. Kaoru was happy, I realized for the first time, about being a true person. Maybe it was this book that had made her that way, or the idea that she was free of anything. She represented what the last ten or so years of life had brought to us. The nonconformity and the free will that we so richly desired. I had to admit, it made me to feel proud to be a with a woman who had enough balls to fight the system, whatever system it was she was fighting. It made me put my life in a perspective.

Stepping outside myself, I stood on hollow ground and examined from a long distance, eyeing the person that I was and wondering exactly what it was that I was doing with my life. I was a part of something, my own movement if you will, that wanted to be the best in society through whatever means that meant to get there. It was slimy, it was degrading, but it was our own way. You had to go through mud to get the golden prize that was at the end of the tunnel. Worst of all you weren't sure that there was anything to really be fighting for in the first place. You were just...there and seeing when you'll get to the end.

"Ken," I heard. That hollow ground falling out from under me. "Ken, did you hear what I said?" it was Sanosuke.

"What's that?"

"Meg here's a med student. Isn't that great?" he said, shaking her shoulders. "She's going to be a doctor someday."

"Oh stop it," Megumi said, "you make me blush." They worked well together.

That night was very disjointed. I was out of whack, tired and a variety of other things to describe the general lethargy and down troddeness I'd been experiencing ever since I realize it was a fully grown up Kaoru who was standing in front of me. We were having coffee when Sanosuke told me about Megumi. I hadn't really drank any of it, and I realized that my head had been in the crook between my thumb and forefinger the whole time.

"Ken?" Kaoru touched my hand gingerly. "You alright?"

"I have somewhere I need to be," I said, standing up. I left a few bills on the table to pay for the meal then wormed my way out of the booth and toward the door.

She didn't try to hide that she was following me up to my car, and she grabbed my wrist hard, nearly pulling me into her chest. "Ken, what was that for?"

"I don't feel good and I have things to do," I said. "So, I need to go."

"You...don't feel good? Did I do something? Say something?" she asked.

"No, no," I shook my head. "I just, need to..."I had lost my breath suddenly, her arms tightening around my chest. "Kaoru, please...we're..."

"Don't leave!" she demanded strongly. "I'll never see you again. Never," she sounded like she was going to cry. When she was assured taht I wasn't going to leave she let me go and allowed me to turn around and look at her in the face. She wasn't going to cry, she was too strong to do that, but I could see the weakness in her face. "I know I won't. Because I know what happened when I left. I came back though. I know you won't."

"I'm in the same town," I said to her. "You can always look me up, you know that."

"It won't be like that though. I'll try and then, and then I'll get sad and scared and not call. And then I know you won't call cause your...your always busy with work and school and...family," she threw her arms up. "You don't get it that it hurts me do you? All these years you weren't here it hurts, badly."

I couldn't say anything. My voice was clogged up in my throat like it was rush hour. I closed my eyes and walked up to her. I didn't know what I was doing when I put my arms around her. I thought, at least for a brief moment, she needed a hug. That maybe that would make her feel better. She turned in my arms, her head up against my and I brought my hands below her stomach. It was all urges, my fingers tracing her breast bones and sinking into her shirt. She wasn't wearing a bra.

"Ken..."she moaned out. It brought me back to reality.

"I...look I need to go really. But, come by the restaurant tomorrow. I'll treat you to something real special alright?"

I bolted to my car, narrowly dodging a police car going down the road. From my mirrors I saw her standing there, her hand at her breast, almost in where I had touched. I smiled to myself. It was a invigorating to say the least.

* * *

I stopped at the restaurant on a whim, as if I knew there was going to be something happening. It was closing time when I walked in, and the busboys were clearing out what was left from the night. I saw Hiko sitting and talking to a man who I'd never seen before. He was well kept, and by the way he spoke, well versed as well too. I didn't want to interrupt Hiko who seemed to be listening intently to what this man had to say, so I walked along. By the time I got to the kitchen I was startled by a cool hand on my shoulder.

"Kenshin isn't it?" I heard. I turned back to see this man look me in the eye. He was intimidating, maybe moreso than Hiko or Enishi, but not in the way that made you sick to your stomach in horror. I was more proud than anything because I felt that I knew who this man was and what he wanted with me. "My name is Katsura Kogoro, it's a pleasure to finally meet you."

And the same thing happened like when I met Hiko. "The pleasure's all mine Mr. Kogoro."

"Please. no formalities. Katsura. We're all friend after all," I nodded. "I've heard some things about you," he said. "Good things."

"Oh. I hope so," I laughed out. I was trying to be as care free as possible, but when I took momentary glances to Hiko I noted a certain aura about him that seemed off. Like this wasn't a normal meeting with Katsura who, as I recalled, was out designated patriarch, our Don.

"I've also heard a few disturbing things, something I'd like to bring up with you."

"Oh," I sat down after Katsura did, my eyes flittering over to Hiko who had gotten up and left at this point. "What is it?"

"It's about a woman named Yukishiro."

"You mean Tomoe?" I asked, touching my cheek. "I don't know where she is or what happened to her."

Katsura didn't seem surprised at this. He was a stoic man, warm hearted, but mostly stoic as I would begin to gather in later years. "Were already aware that you've cut your ties," he said, making it delicate, "but I must remind you that even if you haven't had a hand in the disappearence that this could still end up in hell with us."

"She's part of the Yukishiro clan, I know. Not good people."

"They're great people," he said, pointing a finger at me. "What I mean to explain is that it's not they're family that we don't like. We've had many successful dealings with them and they're clients. Often out clients go between our families anymore. The times have changed and we really can't afford to be so exclusive, so long as we be careful," he explained. "I just want you to understand that they're are consequences to whatever had gone on between you two. She's the daughter of the head of the family. She's as sacred as any family member comes."

"I understand, really I do," I nodded. "Is there anywhere that should could have gone so that I know why she left."

"You didn't see her leave?"

"No."

"We have no way of knowing for sure where she is. She hasn't been with the family for some time; she's always been a loose cannon." Katsura stood up signaling the end of the discussion. "I have to get home to my wife, but I have one other thing that I want to tell you. Mind coming outside?"

I didn't mind at first, but I wished that maybe I hadn't.

He told me things that he wanted me to do that were less than honorable, me being Sanosuke's accomplice in these 'missions', but felt that I could carry out. It didn't surprise me that it had to do with more stiffing of the family, but it was going to be worse than just killing the man. Humiliation was now in the picture.

A/N: Short and sweet. They'll be some more juicy stuff coming up later. Stuff...just cool stuff...swear....so...till next time, KenSan out!


	9. 9

A/N: There was a bit of confusion at the last chap on the wording on the last paragraph...anyone who hasn't go back and check it as it has been edited.

Anyways...onward.

* * *

_"Sano had this...charisma as a child. I always knew he needed to bottle it up into something. I never expected for him to be anything horrible. He was a body and he liked playing war and cops and robbers. What little boy didn't do that? But then came the day that he tripped me, had set up the trip wire in the kitchen and everything, then laughed at it when it happened. I made myself think that there was nothing with that. The sadism that seemed to be embedded in his as deep as his DNA. The thing about Sano was that he was never outwardly a bad person. He kept the things he did to himself; like a fetish. _

"_I knew one day it would grow out of proportion. He would never attack his own kind, he'd been taught better than that. But after about '70 he became their tool. He was fearless, heartless, _soulless_ in the face of other people's tragedy, believing that he was punishing them and that was what they deserved. I had little say in the matter as he was commanded to do these acts; it was a dirty job that someone had to do. I just sat back and watched it eat him whole."_

_-Sozo Sagara_

* * *

It was the dead of night when we arrived at a home. It was typical suburbia. Nothing was out but the dogs barking at the sound of Sanosuke's tires crunching on the gravel. He put it in park then looked up to the house. It's lights were the only one on making it obvious this was where we were suppose to be. I sighed and got out of the car, walking up to the home, Sanosuke waiting calmly in the car, lighting up a cigarette as he did. I knocked on the door. It opened immediately, Kaoru looking me in the face. She had been crying; she was in her bathrobe and her hair was down. She fell into me.

"I...I was on my way," she said to me. "I was coming to meet you..."

"What happened?"

"Some guys," she said, her hands tightening around my waist. "Some guys jumped me. Oh God I don't know who the hell they were. There was this one that just wouldn't stop smiling."

"Did they hurt you?"

"They grabbed and touched and..."she sniffled, "they didn't get anywhere but...but," she made a few cries as she grabbed my jacket. Her roommate was standing in the doorway, her hand on her hip looking out. She didn't look like she was all that sober at the moment.

"I know w-who the jerkwads were," she proclaimed, her hand up. She had her hair braided over her shoulder; she was shorter than both me and Kaoru, which seemed almost impossible. "T-they are these thugs. Hang out around the d-diner downtown or something."

I tightened my grip on Kaoru's robe. I knew who she was talking about right away. The Yukishiro associates hung around the diner in town. It wasn't too far from the restaurant. It hadn't surprised me that there were some low lives as their associates.

"I want you to come with me," I really didn't ask. I grabbed her hand in mine and led her to the car where Sanosuke was making smoke rings and admiring his handiwork. "Put that out," I told him, hoping maybe he would get the idea that there was a lady coming in the car. Kaoru sat in the backseat as I instructed Sanosuke to go the diner and park discreetly. For the fifteen minute drive Kaoru was silent, her head leaned back and her eyes staring out the back window. I was sure that her and her roommate had been having a drinking session when I arrived hoping it would help Kaoru.

She had called me after it happened. She had her roommate park about five minutes away from the restaurant so she could walk by the shops and look it. That was when the guys got her, following her all the way from the diner. She must've screamed loud enough that her friend came back to get her. I was happy to see that there was nothing physically wrong with her.

When we arrived in front of the diner I told Sanosuke to go inside and get malts for us. He obliged, getting out of the car and walking up innocently. It was all a game at this point. I turned around to Kaoru and touched her face. Her eyes were dry now, and she really looked like a PMSing woman instead of a hurt little girl.

"Is that them?" I asked, turning back to a pack of guys across the street. She looked over without turning her head, nodding at the sight. "Alright," I kissed her forehead. "Sano'll be out in a minute; I'll be back."

I knew Sanosuke like the back of my hand, so when reaching under teh seat it didn't surprise me that there was a gun sitting there. It wasn't anything big, or even really all that powerful. It wasn't loaded either, but just to be sure I put the safety on and tucked it in the front of my pants. I got out of the car and started over to the guys. They looked at me like I was crazy, which could have been right, but I had no time to comtemplate whether or not I was menacing. I walked up to the "smiling man" who I assumed was the ringleader. Without hesitation I pulled out the gun and proceeded to beat him over the head with it.

There was darkness all around us. A fence separated the diner from this small shack that was called a home. A long shadow was cast by the neon light the diner gave off. There were no other cars in sight. But I would have beat this man senseless in broad daylight. I just know I would have.

I pulled back, blood sticking to my fingers and making it hard to keep hold of the gun in my hand. He had fallen back into his friends who seemed to be scared shitless. Pretending to play the hero I said to them: "Keep your fucking hands off her ya fucking pricks. Next time I hear anything about you or you fucking friends laying one finger on her, this will be down your throat!" I put it in my pocket and walked off, my hands wiping against each other. Sanosuke had come back and was talking to Kaoru, sipping on the malt. I got back in the car.

"Mind if I keep this?" I asked, flashing the gun. He shook his head. "Alright," I put in back in my pocket. Sanosuke drove away without me having to say a word.

* * *

I finished school in May of '74, deciding to take off a little bit from the restaurant to relish in the fact that I had finished. I hadn't planned on doing anything but watching the summer roll by. I sat outside on the apartment balcony and watched the children play in the parking lot. There was a certain amount of freedom that they possessed that was beautiful to watch. I sipped at a little vodka. I wasn't usually one to drink when it was early, but it just seemed to strike me at the moment and I had nothing else to do that day. At least, I didn't think so.

It was August 8th, a pretty typical day of the year. It was getting to become a rather warm summer that year. Both talking about weather and about politics.

Everyone on the face of this planet had heard about the Watergate scandal no doubt. When in the times it seemed almost surreal to find out that Nixon had tried hiding tapes and that he was trying to wiretap Democratic lines during the convention. At first I didn't seem so opposed to him. He still to this day has been one of my presidents, save Reagan of course, especially since Nixon was the first one I ever voted for. I had a strong liking for American politics. Maybe it was because I had pride in my country, or because I knew that while we as a family were crooked, this crooked thing called "politics" still showed the backbone of a country that was leading the world.

I didn't ever want to believe that it was possible. I debated with myself and others about the whole scandal. I almost got myself in some deep shit over it too. Then, as reality sank in, I realized that it didn't matter whether or not he had gotten us out of Vietnam, or if he was smart. He was screwed and he had screwed himself over. Royally.

On August 8th Sanosuke came and got me, telling me that we had something that we needed to do. I drank the rest of the vodka and looked down at the kids one more time, longing for the innocence of skip rope and hopscotch.

Sanosuke drove to a house nearly a mile out of the way of anything that I was truly familiar with. He pulled up and led me inside. It was a nice house. A typical house. But it wasn't a typical man. I realized the moment that Sanosuke went into the bedroom and pulled him up by his collar that he was someone to be reckoned with. A man that was associated with Katsura and Hiko. A man who had personal connections with all these men leading back to their childhood in the 30's. I was leaning on a pool table when Sanosuke brought him out.

I had admired the pool table for a moment. It had the normal green felt, but it was fresh. Like a new car that had just come off the lot. That was when I realized that why Sanosuke and I were here. New. Completely and utterly.

This man was wearing a nice suit jacket and shirt, but was stark naked below the waist exposing his aroused self. I turned my head away and listened as Sanosuke's slammed him face first into the pool table's felt. It was beginning to stain with blood making a dingy brown color. One thing I noticed when looking back at him was the look on his face. Sanosuke had the uncanny anility to scare the shit out of anyone if he wanted to. This man wasn't scared, or afraid. Humiliated to be found in the state that he was, but other than that he remain nuetral as Sanosuke grilled him on how it was stupid to try to take one red cent from the family.

He grabbed a pool stick from the rack and proceded to shove it into this man's anus. I turned away just as I heard a yelp of pain. No doubt Sanosuke was shoving it so far up that no one would ever be able to get it out. What's worse was the 'crack' I heard. Sanosuke had broken off the back of the stick and stood the man straight. "Good thing you're in good hands," he said, implying that he was spared his life. He told me that we were leaving, and I turned and walked with him.

At first I wasn't too sure why I was brought along, but then I realized that I was an asset.I held a level of importance in this family. My presence itself was a threat to the men that they were dealing with the wrong people. I was the person, or at least one of the next generation, that were going ot be taken and taught how to keep others in line. Not necessarily useful for these kinds of deeds, but I was the son of an underboss. The next man in line in the family. For being an associate I had power. There was something menacing about my presence, as though I were Katsura or Hiko.

As we left Sanosuke spat on the man's floor. I looked back to him, my eyes trying to stay above the waist. He just stayed there, silent, without any look to indicate that he was feeling any sort of humiliation. In the background I hear:

"_...therefore, I shall resign the presidency effective at noon tomorrow..._"

* * *

You realize a lot of things as time passes. One of those things is that you find there is a longing for someone very important to you. Someone you will protect, someone you will cherish and someone that you just want to be in your life forever. For better or for worse. I wasn't sure at first if my decision was entirely out of my love; my grief and my guilt had no doubt played a part of it when I walked up to Kaoru's house one morning, on a whim, and knocked on the door. She had already left for work, but I had nothing better to do. I stayed with her roommate Misao all day, talking to her. She had her own views on the presidency, but she was childish. She thought that Nixon was awful for what he'd done. I was just curious what would come after. If Ford would be decent, and after that. What would become of the country that I was so use to in the hands of a man I was so use to?

Kaoru came home, tired. She was a secretary it looked like, but she began undressing the moment she walked in. She saw me before she took her shirt off and smiled.

"Hey!" she came over and sat on my lap. "So, what brings you here?" I knew that no one coul've told her what had happened next, because even for me it was a whim. I knew that the moment I opened that box I didn't have to say a word to her, she just knew. Her hands went up to her mouth and she got tears in her eyes. I wasn't sure what went through her head, but I knew she was thinking about many things, selfish or not. Like how she wouldn't have to work for anything anymore. Or how she was going to have someone like me. That may have been me talking though.

After a few moments of tears and hyperventilating, she got a grip of herself and said yes, pulling the ring out and chucking the box across the room. She hugged me and hugged me, and Kaoru had Misao start calling any friends that she had to tell them that she was getting married. I was just as thrilled as she was.

After that, I went to the restaurant to break the news to everyone, which thankfully Hiko was in the kitchen when I arrived. All gathered round as I told them, Hiko standing in the back. I was curious at what the customers thought when they heard the whooping from the back, but it struck me that this was too important to worry about what other people thought about me. I smiled and I told them it was just a whim, and I looked back at Hiko who, despite his smile, seemed to have a skewed look on his face. He looked at me funny, his hand at his chest.

"You alright?" I asked him. He wasn't the type to get choked up, though I was sure he was feeling something. He crouched a little, but congradulated me nonetheless. I was in a moment of heaven, so I really wasn't too concerned. Hiko had been complaining lately that he was getting older and these little blips that he got in were nothing. Hiko had been born in 1929, so he was only 45 years old. I continued talking to people for about an hour, sitting in the back and just gabbing to some of the guys I'd known forever. Katsu and Sozo especially. All of a sudden we heard the door opening.

"Kenshin!"

Someone came running to the back, his breath was gone. It took him a minute to be able to say anything to me, and I was wondering if this was some sort of prank. After all, this man was a new as far I knew.

"It's Hiko..." he said to me. I looked over to Sozo and Katsu and stood, going to the floor of the restaurant. People lingered around wondering what the commotion was about. Someone pointed me to his office, but I didn't need to walk too far to realize that something was wrong. He was laying on the floor halfway between his office and the hallway, the door propped open against him.

A lump felt like it had just grown in my side.

* * *

A/N: Obviously the quote is from Nixon...sorry about the political crap..i like politics to a degree....i guess....

so, anyways...tell me what you think. Till next time, KenSan out!


	10. 10

A/N: Let's sees what happens to Hiko shall we....you'll all lov this chapter...I promise.

* * *

"_As with anything, our family had a set of rules that we had to follow. We called them the Ten Commandments, as all families did. If there was one thing that we all had in common, it was our devotion to following these rules, and when they were broken, making sure that someone was punished for the "crime" that they had committed. Often it seemed, as examples were made, these were not broken. (_Interviewer asks what the 'Ten Commandments' are.) _What they are?...well, why would I tell you? These are our sacred rules, it's no use for you to know._

_"If there is one thing that we do it's take our secrets to our graves."_

_-Katsura Kogoro_

* * *

I ran over to him, my heart pounding worse than ever. My knees hit the floor, shaking his shoulder wildly, telling him to wake up and stop playing jokes on us. His face was ashen, his breathing was near none existent. Someone else came up to me, pushing me away. I was sure that it was Sozo, but I was too dazed to know. He turned Hiko on his back, someone else going into Hiko's office and dialing for help. I calmed myself on the outside, my face neutral. Inside I was burning and aching, as if my intestines were bleeding.

Sozo performed CPR that day; he was the only one that had ever thought that learning it would be resourceful. See back then CPR and the Heimlich weren't widely taught, you just called for an emergency and wondered if your family member would be alright. By the time that they came I saw Hiko's lips turn blue. Physically I looked almost indifferent but they couldn't ever see my mind.

I flashed back to my father, slumped over in the chair, the charred birthday cake on the table. I wondered, in times like these, if I was meant to be happy. If my life was meant to have some sort of decent ending to it. Every time something came up, something that was worthwhile, something I was sure that I could count on or believe in, the door was slammed in my face in some way. I didn't know that until years later, after thinking over it long and hard.

I watched them just take him away, pulling away his shirt. By then the restaurant looked like a ghost town. Our patrons had left, the floor looking as though it were serving souls instead of people. The food lie ate at, still hot, the bread still sweet. I let go of myself, leaning against the wall trying not to panic. No one else really knew what had happened to my Dad because me and Hiko had never told them. It was 'Dad died, the end' and there were no more questions asked, not that anyone wanted to know.

* * *

He didn't die; not permenantly. He'd went into cardiac arrest, but they were able to revive him.

I sat by the bed, my coat draped on my shoulders like a blanket, my fingers massaging my temples. It had been two days since it happened, and I had kept myself next to him, watching him as he breathed steadily. He really didn't talk to anyone that came in, just laid there quietly, hands folded over his lap, his eyes on the television in the corner. I wasn't sure he was there at first.

"Hiko?" I asked every now and then, to see if he would look over to me. When he did, his eyes questioning why I asked anything, I shook my head and looked down at my feet. He didn't wonder why. I wondered why he didn't wonder why. I didn't want to think that there was anything mentally wrong with him initially. I mean, it was strange. He was quiet as a normal person would be, but he was almost not there.

I had fallen asleep in my chair on the third night. The moon was high, an unnatural amount of glowing light flowing through the blinds. At first the heart monitor was methodical, annoying. After a while it put me to sleep. I was awoken, however, by a sharp noise; a flat line. It wasn't anything bad, in fact there was nothing wrong. I was fearful at first, but then I took a moment to scan the room. The bed was empty, the stickers and wires setting on the messed up sheets. I looked behind me where he sat, his hands in his lap still, his eyes out the window.

The nurses clammered down the hall like elephants, so it was only a matter of time before they entered. Just before that I heard him say: "Beware a bright morning hour; its night time will be black as coal." I thought he was just muttering to himself nonsensically. By the time that the nurses had him back in bed, I was asleep.

Waking the next morning and looking at him, sound asleep in the bed, I could hear what he had said echoing inside my skull. It wasn't how prophetic or philosophical that struck me, more that it was so simplistic.

* * *

A week after he spoke those words he was released, doctors told him that for the next few months that he needed to get on a better diet and relax. I had to laugh at the advice. Hiko already had a good diet, and 'relax' just wasn't in his vocabulary. To make sure that the doctor's orders were followed however, Katsura Kogoro joined us for extended stays at the restaurant. For an outsider this may have been because he was concerned about Hiko's overall health, which it partially was, but also because I was sure he was concerned for losing his second in command who just so happened to be his adviser. Known by the Italians as a _consigliere, _advisers often weren't even of high rank in the system, but they were like brothers or cousins to the bosses. It was unusual, but not unheard of, that a second in command was also the adviser to the patriarch of the family.

During that time Kogoro and I spoke often. I, also concerned for Hiko's health, said that for his sake I would hold off all the extreme wedding arrangements which Hiko seemed to want to have his hands dipped in. Kogoro urged me to keep going. More for Hiko's sake than my own. He said it would give Hiko something to do since he wasn't being allowed to do any managerial business with the restaurant.

Two months of long planning had me frayed more than anything else in my life, but at the end of it all, things came out right. Kaoru was dressed up like a princess, sparkling white with a long flowing veil. What stood out on her most was her eyes which shined bright that night; brighter than any star I could ever point out. And her smile; she couldn't stop smiling throughout the whole thing.

At the reception there were many people there that she wasn't familiar with. In fact, I even had a hard time trying to come up with some of the names. Hiko and Kogoro together named just about everyone off to Kaoru for her benefit later on. I explained to her the benefit was being friends with the women, just because they were nice. I didn't tell her that this lifestyle was like an exclusive club. She would most likely mingle with only those that were in the family; the women of course. It wasn't like they were going to ban her from seeing old friends ot anything, but there was only a slim chance that she'd be making new ones. It was odd to say the least. It wouldn't be like they were keeping her from making new friends, just that she wouldn't really need to. Believe it or not she fit right in. A little idealistic but she didn't pursue her ideals. She was just sitting on them, complaining to the other women about them.

I just knew they'd get along well.

After all the meet and greet, the guests came up to us, handing us envelope after envelope of what I presumed to be cash and checks. Things that couldn't be traced back to the sender, and that were harmless. We were, after all, a new couple. There was no reason people wouldn't give us money to get us up on our feet. Right?

We danced the night away, swaying with one another to the music. In those moments on that dance floor I was in a standstill. The past, for those moments, were nonexsistent, and I didn't even bother concerning with the future half as much. It was just the lovely person in my arms that mattered. Just the present moment and nothing else. Her arms hugged around my chest, her chin rested on my shoulder. I wasn't a good dancer and I knew it, but I didn't have to be for her. I never had to be anything to her other than the person she'd known since she was eight years old. Ten years of memories to start us on our journey.

What a journey that would be.

That night we were both drunk, even if she was underage at the time, and we were a little restless once we were left alone in my apartment. As per tradition I picked her up and carried her through the threshold of our new home, some of her belongings already stacked up in my living room. We really weren't paying too much attention to the surroundings. I kissed her all the way to the bedroom. A lot of it, I figured, was all those years of strife I'd gone through to get her. All that work I'd done with her in the back of my mind, those moments piling up until the big finale which wasn't really a finale yet.

But I did get one prize from her.

I'm not trying to be conceited or anything, but I knew well that Kaoru was abstinent up until now. It was like popping the top to a very shaken bottle of Coke. She was pushier than I thought she would be. At least I got a little enjoyment out of it. She was sweeter than Tomoe, stronger than Tomoe, more passionate than Tomoe. But then, I had an emotional connection with this woman. For once, there was a light shining on me; I finally did something right.

* * *

Nothing interesting really happened after that with us, sorry to say. Things flowed rather naturally. We lived our lives, played our respective parts. I was the husband, she was the wife. It was hard to adjust to at first, but after a while we got comfortable around each other in the vacinity. Call us a little lovestruck, but there was never a dull moment around one another. We fit much like puzzle pieces. I could know what she was thinking and vice versa. Of course we disagreed on things, as people naturally did. We fought even, but it wasn't anything we couldn't work out.

Often it was because I worked too much. And I really didn't work too much because I wasn't really working when I was at work. Mostly it was me being there because that was where everyone else was. I had to more or less be there. I had a lot of control in dealing with things with everyone else. I was trusted among some of our top clients. I began carrying out late night deeds with Sanosuke.

Once, in early 1976, Sanosuke and I were at a bar. He was thinking that maybe he would take it and run it. He had a lot of experience when it came to controlling a kitchen since he'd been around his Dad. And though it didn't appear so, he was a natural born leader. He could do it if he put his mind to it. While there Sanosuke ran into an old friend (I use friend loosely mind you). Sanosuke was a bit of a loose canon that night; looser than usual. He was drinking, talking to the manager about handing the business over. This man came in, some guy that was like a a gangster wannabe. He had his hair greased back, and his coat looked a little small. I didn't say anything to him, just drank the Scotch that I had ordered. After a heated discussion, I turned around to see Sanosuke start wailing on the guy.

I was never sure what the man had said to piss Sanosuke off, not that it took all the much, but by the time that Sanosuke was finished there wasn't much left of hs face to be recognized. Sanosuke was wiping his hands off on a napkin, glaring down the barkeep who was frightened by the sudden outrage. In exchange for quiet I passed the barkeep fifty dollars, hoping that maybe it would make an impact. He pocketed it and watched as Sanosuke picked the guy up and took him outside, like his friend was merely drunk. I shrugged it off until he came back in a tugged at my shoulder.

"What?" I asked. Sanosuke nodded his head toward the door. I looked to the barkeep and sighed, setting my glass down and paying for the drink. "You're reckless sometimes."

After we got outside I asked: "How bad is he?"

"I don't know. Out."

"Out?" He nodded. "How out 'out'?"

"It doesn't look too good."

I rolled my shoulders. "What do you wanna do then?" I asked, knowing well that Sanosuke had done something stupid and therefore, we were both going to have to deal with it. He lead me to his car, he had drove us there that night. The man was sitting in the back seat. Well, not so much sitting as he was leaning his head against the window. I got in the front seat. "Where are you going?"

"Don't know. Somewhere hidden," he said.

"You intended to kill him didn't you?"

He kept his head straight, but I could see, just from his eyes, that there was something strange going on in his head. After several moments he nodded. "I guess."

"You guess? You can't go around doing that."

"He knew too much."

"Knew...Jesus Sano!"

He tensed his shoulders. "Ken, don't start on me. It's one fuckin' guy, it won't hurt a soul. I'm probably savin' a few people form getting ripped off in fact."

I massaged my temples and leaned against the window, trying to enjoy the scenery. There was no reasoning with Sanosuke, no matter who you were or what you said. Once he had made up his mind on something, he was set in stone the rest of the way.

We drove far out to a secluded place, Sanosuke parking next to a guardrail. He checked around the area, a dense forested place, before he got out and went to the back of the car. The whole time the man was stirring, though he really wasn't coming into consciousness, if there was any left in him at all. I saw Sanosuke pull a .22 out of the back of his pants. I faced away from him, ducking my head. There was more that I could have done, but I didn't. I just sat there, a few blood droplets landing on the back of my ears. I sighed as Sanosuke dragged the man out of the car. I was going to have to help bury the body.

We dug for a few hours, until we were certain that it would have been a deep enough grave. He threw the body into the ditch and covered it back up, laying brush and leaves over the patch so it didn't look so obvious among all the trees. I wiped off the blood and looked back at the spot solemnly. I was never religious, but I said a short prayer for the man knowing he hadn't done a thing to deserve the fate that he got. After that, I got in the car and pretended that nothing ever happened, as it should have been.

* * *

As anyone should know, 1976 was the bicentennial for the American people. The whole year was one big celebration, one party after the next. We yucked it up; the customers came in bunches, just as we wanted and expected them to. The once sloppy business was now one of the best restaurants in town, just like it should have been.

I'd been focusing on our new president. Once Ford was gone we elected a Washington outsider, no doubt in fear of another scandal, who was also a peanut farmer. Makes you wonder what kind of country we were founded on but I could see what the American people were thinking, if they were thinking that is.

Other than arms, as it was still a top seller on the black market, there was also something else we sold to come of our best customers behind closed doors. None of us would admit we dabbled in narcotics, but the truth was it made some of the most money from our well off clinetel. We sort of just brushed it off since there was nothing else we could do. Our job was being done for us, all we had to do was take the money and make sure the supply was running smoothly.

The closer it got to July 4th, as I noticed, the faster things came and went. There was so much more celebration. Everything was a big cheer yet, I felt there was a storm coming. I had been watching Hiko for the longest time fearing that he was going to overexert himself or something. After the heart attack I was afraid, truly. It made me realize that this man, this invincible man, wasn't so invincible after all. He was fallible just like everyone else, and there was nothing that he was immune to. So I watched him, just to be safe.

The surprise of my life came on July 4th that year. Hiko had given me the day off to spend with Kaoru who was in a very _festive_ mood you could say. That day really was one big firework, even before the sun went down. I hadn't known it at the time, but it seemed that she really wanted a kid; I couldn't blame her, I sort of wanted something to call my own. My own flesh and blood. A boy if at all possible.

Around nine thirty that night we sat out on the porch taking a break, the sky lit up with fireworks from every which way. We were lucky to be able to see so many from where my apartment was. In the middle of her nibbling on my earlobe there came a knock at the door. Kaoru was trying to make me ignore it, and I nearly did, until the knocking became a very shrill pounding. I told Kaoru to hold off for just a few moments to which she groaned, but let me go knowing it could be something important.

I opened the door and my heart stopped.

There she was, glowing lightly in the dim hallway light. Her eyes were tired and her face was riddled at, her skin ever so ashen. Her hair had lost it's sheen, and she no longer seemed to be as happy as she once was. Tomoe was at my door, and as I travelled downward, I noticed that she wasn't alone. Standing just below her knee, grabbing her leg to stand, was a small boy, his eyes gleaming as he stared up at me. His eyes were dark blue, his hair a dingy red color like mine. I gripped one lock of my hair, then looked up at her.

"What is this?" I asked.

"It's your son," she was so silent, as she always was. The energy was gone from her voice and it was almost depressing. "His name's Kenji."

"Tomoe..."

"He needs a good home," she said, letting go of his hand and shaking him off her leg. "He is no longer welcome in my; a child of bad blood," she scoffed, pushing him through the threshold of the door. He could barely walk at two years old, but he was a sweet looking little boy. He had that innocence to him that everyone wanted. I reached down and picked him up, inspecting him.

"Why?" I asked her, more because I was at a loss for words.

"Because I can't," she said. I could hear it in her voice. She wanted to give him up even though it was her baby. It didn't matter to her anymore, there was something that was more important like family honor and dignity. I set the boy down between us wondering if maybe he would choose his own path. He sat down on the floor and played with my socks, stretched out much too big for my feet. "And because he's yours."

I bit my lip and held myself back. "This should be legal."

She snorted. "You really have grown up soft," she said and turned around. "Don't try to find me for money or something," she called, "I won't be where you can find me."

The boy crawled over to my leg and latched to it, his teeth digging into my skin. I tried not to notice it at first but it was beginning to hurt.

"Kenshin, who was that?" Kaoru called out, still on the balcony watching the fireworks. I was stunned at the moment, unable to say a word. It was going to be rather hard to explain...

* * *

N/A: Tadah! till next time, KenSan out!


	11. 11

A/N: Working on new stuff....moving and all....all kinda a whirlwind....let's see how Kaoru takes the news....

* * *

_"I hardly remember that night that I was brought to Dad. I remember the fireworks going on, scaring me half to hell, but other than that it was all one big blur. But then Mom knocked on the door and after a few minutes someone opened it. My father was half drunk, though, as he always would, he carried himself fairly well. What struck me was his soft purple eyes and bright red hard, illuminated by the fireworks in the background. There was something about him that I could smell, that I could see. He took me in without question, probably because he was a man of morals and wasn't willing to abandon a child; a boy no less. It makes me wonder if it was really because I was his son, or just because it was some moral code. It was always hard to tell."_

_-Kenji Himura_

* * *

**11.**

You really don't know how to react. People usually think they know, but really they don't. We react just so we can say that we tried, so that we can say that, from what happened, we acted as though we knew what we were trying to do. But usually we don't. Usually we stand there dumbfounded, staring on in wonder thinking if there was something better we could be doing. Thinking that maybe, just maybe, there would be a positive outcome from this.

That was me, standing looking at that boy. He looked up to me, his eyes begging me to do something. I don't think he knew I was his father at that moment. All he knew was that I was someone who was going to be taking care of him, and that his mother had dumped him here for whatever reason she felt was reasonable.

Kaoru had asked me who was at the door, and I assumed that maybe she would stay sitting on the porch giving me the opportunity to think about what I was going to tell her when I had to approach her about Kenji. My mind was wiped though. I was drunk, my hormones were raging, and there was a two year gnawing on my calf.

"Kenshin?"

Kaoru had come up to me. The fireworks had finished and she was tired of waiting for me to come back to her and start kissing her again. I picked up the boy so he would stop biting my leg, but also so Kaoru could see him. We stared each other down, Kaoru stopping in her tracks to look at the small boy cradled in my arms awkwardly, trying to squirm away from my grip. I lowered my head and tentatively took a step toward her, not knowing what else I could do.

"Ken--who is that?" she asked, like he were one of the guys from the restaurant, except she knew all the guys. I cleared my throat and wondered if maybe I should give her some obscure answer, or reason, as to why there was a two year now whining in my arms. I sighed again.

"I--he's my son," I said. She looked at me dumbfounded, her brows furrowing as she mouthed the word 'son' like she didn't know what the word was. But she did know what the word meant after a few moments, and her furrowed brows unfurrowed at me. "I...I know that this seems a little crazy but, after you left, I needed something." I was being weak. i had no reason to explain to her why I had fathered a son, but then again, she was my wife. It was better than her beating me over the head and making me tell her why this crying boy was here. "I had a girlfriend but, it was a...it really wasn't a relationship at all. It was just...I needed something to fill the void and...well..."

"You had sex with her?"

"Yeah."

"And..." she grabbed the boy from my arms, bouncing him to try and stop his whining. He looked back at me, his dark eyes asking me why I wasn't doing something to make him feel better. Or maybe that was what I wanted to think that he was saying.

Truthfully it was just guilt. I was standing in front of my wife, watching her cradle this boy and calm him. She didn't need to do a thing. It wasn't her son, or her problem to deal with. I stepped closer to her, grabbing her arm warmly. "I'm sorry if..."

"You don't need to be," she told me softly. She cooed to the boy, singing under her breath to him. He was starting to fall asleep agter the crying was silenced. No doubt he was tired. Tomoe had probably kept him up all day and night until she brought him to me. Just as it hurt her to part with him, it hurt me take him away from his mother. Kaoru handed him over to me, his leaning on my shoulder. "I mean, we weren't married and...we all find people."

I should have known that Kaoru would understand. "Ah." I said, walking over to the couch where I laid the boy and covered him up. "His name's Kenji..." I drawled off, my knuckles running down the boy's cheek gently. It may have hurt on both sides, but also on both sides we realized that this was for the best. He would be much more well receipted on my side of the family. He had my hair, Kaoru's eyes. No one really would need to ask too many questions. I also realized that it was much safer for Tomoe that Kenji was with me. She was probably facing the threats of death within her own family for having a child of bad blood. I humbly accepted that it was my fault that for putting her in danger.

Kaoru leaned over my shoulder, her hands running down my chest. "We're gonna need more space," she said. I looked around the small apartment. I had gotten it for myself alone, so with Kaoru here it was already a little cramped. I nodded to her, lifting up.

"We'll start looking soon," I said to her, knowing whatever she wanted she was going to get. "We better go to bed, I have work tomorrow," I announced. Part of me still wanted to believe that maybe all this was a dream that would go away. The other side was seeing the reality of it though. I was a father, and I would have to be a father. I strong man for my little boy. What was more was that I needed to make sure I started grooming my son from the get go to be art of the world that he was going to be part of eventually. My son was art of a world that dealth with the black market; with the dank and the dark and deceitful. But then, I was proud that I would be able to serve the family like I was suppose to. An heir myself, I would have to give an heir for when my time would run out. I smiled.

"He's adroable," I muttered to myself.

* * *

The next morning I was up before the sun, creeping out of bed hoping not to disturb my wife and son. Kaoru had Kenji pressed against her chest, his head rested in the crook under her neck. I showered and dressed for the day, going out into the living room, buttoning up my shirt. That was when a silent rap came on the door. I didn't really want to answer it, being I wasn't really anxious for any more surprises, but so I wouldn't wake Kaoru or Kenji I opened the door. There stood Aoshi, his face as neutral as ever.

"Can I help you with something?"

He pushed his way into the living room, prompting me to close the door. Aoshi stood with his hands in his pockets as he said: "We need to talk."

I knew it more by the way that he said what he said. It was important, whatever it was, so I offered for him to sit down. He declined my offer, standing by the recliner and taking in a deep breath.

"Who's we?" I asked, glancing out my balcony window as I looped a belt through the holes in my pants. My back was turned to Aoshi, not wanting to look at him and get an indication at what news he was bringing me. "Is it about the family?"

"We should go outside," Aoshi suggested. It was raining this early in the morning, so I looked back to him, hoping that he would have an umbrella. He lifted it up and pointed toward the door. I rolled my eyes. Whatever this was it was serious and he couldn't leave without telling me what it was.

We went outside, the rain pelting down on the ground, whittling away at the cement. Aoshi held the umbrella over me, leaning in close. He looked around cautiously as we started up the street. It was barren except for the stray car. At six in the morning, I had nothing else to expect. After several moments of admiring the scenery I turn to Aoshi and asked:

"What's the message?"

Often times, so that we could keep each other safe, messages would be sent out through another member, a third party deal. Aoshi was tense, and so was I in respond. He straightened his back and said: "The bells are ringing."

My ears twitched. It was a code that signalled a gathering of some sort, one that was mandatory for all family members. I nodded my head silently and began walking again, planning to turn around when I hit the corner. A patrol car was stopped at a red light, Aoshi and I looking over discreetly. The police had become more abundant around my apartment complex as of late. "Why?" I asked, standing still. Aoshi shook his head. "Who?" He shook his head once again. "Should I bring my wife?"

"Yes." he handed me an envelope. It was unmarked and unsealed. I tucked it into my pocket and nodded, turning around after the police officer went on.

"Will you be there?"

"Yes."

I shrugged my shoulders, unkinking my neck. "You wanna know something interesting?" I asked him, trying to get off the subject of the meeting. I was already dreading the very thought of it. Mandatory meetings were usually held twice a year, and members were alerted the when and the where in the same fashion as when Aoshi came up to me, but when they came out of the blue, between the two scheduled meetings, it was a signal that there was something terribly wrong. It had only happened once before, but I wasn't invited, only Hiko was. Now it must have been dire, especially since Aoshi, not even an associate, was being called to it.

"Why not?" he asked.

"I have a son."

Aoshi nodded. "That's very nice."

"He's two."

"Ah."

"You don't find it strange?"

Aoshi stopped. "Find what strange?"

"That I have a child just as old as my marriage?"

Aoshi shrugged. "It's not my business what you do in your spare time."

I chuckled. "Guess you're right," I lowered my head. "Do you have a wife?"

"I am engaged."

"How nice," I replied. "What's her name?"

Aoshi stopped when I reached the entrance to the apartment complex. "I have other members to meet with," he said as a good bye, turning around to his car parked directly in front of the stoop of the apartment. For a few moments I stood underneath the awning, seeing Aoshi off. I pursed my lips and crossed my arms. Why was that sickening feeling coming back in my stomach? Finally I decided that maybe it was the fact that I had drank heavily last night and it was hardly wearing off. When I got back upstairs the apartment was just as silent as before, rain pittering on the balcony. Back in my bedroom my wife slept calmly, the boy still nuzzled against her chest. I kissed her on the forehead, watching her stir when I did, her eyes looking up to me. She smiled before turning back down to the bed to snuggle with the boy.

* * *

The meeting was two nights later at a country house just outside the city. It was a large gathering, the men stationed upstairs talking, the women downstairs watching the children and cooking dinner for their husbands.

We sat in a circle, like play time at a preschool, except in comfortable chairs. Every man had his legs crossed and a glass of whiskey or fine wine in his hand. I stared at my colleagues with fear, wondering why we were so silent. I recognized a handful of men like Hiko and Katsura. There was also Makoto Shishio, a wily smile across his burned cheeks. He'd barely survived an attempt on his life from meddling with a rival family, his body left looking like a patchwork quilt of skin grafts and burnt skin. Then there were Shinsaku Takasugi, another one of Katsura's closet friends, and a fellow adviser, as well as I'izuka, the former "messenger" for Katsura. Sozo and Sanosuke both stood, looking discreetly out the window to the collection of cars we'd come in. Aoshi stood behind me, mixing drinks since he was the newest "member" of the family. I swirled the Scotch in my hand, inwardly sighing. I could smell the pasta sauce wafting up through a vent.

"Well, you all are waiting for a ghost," Katsura began. "Sojiro will not be joining us this evening, which is the reason that you are hear tonight."

I straightened my back. Had Sojiro "the Tenken" Seta been killed off? There was no way. We all looking to Katsura for an answer.

"He's not dead, but he might as well be," Hiko followed up. "And if you haven't noticed, he's not the only one. Kamatari, Hoji, Usui..."he drawled off.

"They've all been pinched," Sanosuke snarled. "And the police are startin' to double their numbers."

"Our friends have been turning on us gentlemen," Katsura said. "One among us is not among us," a burst of laughter busted through the vent from downstairs. I sipped my Scotch, swirling it once more. It was hard to look at all these men and wonder if any of them were friends with the police, or _were _the police. We tried not to interrogate each other, glowering down each figure that seemed the least trustworthy, but it was nearly impossible.

"That's not possible," I found myself saying. It was meant to be a thought, but all eyes turned toward me. Katsura especially. "If the police are gaining numbers than it's our own fault for not having control."

"We have almost every commander on our side though," Shishio recalled. "We just don't give them handouts. We give them incentive to stay out of the way."

"I've been having cars passing by my apartment recently," I sneered. "I don't think it's the work of a spy. I think the police have been messing aroudn with their ranks and our informant has been less than so," I said.

"There is a new commissioner," Sozo said, cutting me off. "Hajime Saito has come into power. We've never been able to get him on our side, so maybe he's the problem."

"Then we should take care of him," Shinsaku suggested.

"Don't be rash," Katsura intervened. "We don't want direct confrontation with the police just yet," Katsura turned my way, holding up his glass for Aoshi to pour him more. "Himura, it's come to my attention that there is one detail you've failed to share with the family." I took the last sip of my Scotch, prompting Aoshi for more. Another burst of laughter came from downstairs, the smell of sauce getting heavier and heavier. I swallowed my fear as I said:

"I haven't had the opportunity to share with everyone." I could feel Hiko's eyes drilling into my temple. "I...I have a son," I said, a tad bit of smugness hanging in my voice. Hiko crossed his arms and furrowed his brows.

"You...what?"

"Well," I shrugged. "It was a surprise with me too."

"Who's the mother?" Hiko asked.

"It..." I swallowed my fear once again, sipping at the Scotch. I realized that my hands were shaking. "It was Tomoe Yukishiro."

I was waiting for the onslaught of yells, or someone to jumped up and shoot me, like I knew they could. But nothing came. No assault, no anger. I looked at around at the men, silently mingling with each other. "Yukishiro?" Katsura asked. "A child of two families eh?" he laughed. "How old is the boy?"

"He's two, and his name's Kenji."

"Tomoe just, handed him off to you, no strings attached?" Hiko questioned. His voice was heated, but he didn't need to talk for me to know that he was pissed off at me. I hadn't broken it off with Tomoe when he asked me to, which was reason enough for him to be frustrated.

"I didn't even know until three days ago that I was even a father," I defended myself. "I call it a bit of a miracle, honestly."

"You're a fucking idiot!" Hiko roared.

"Hiko," Katsura had a soothing voice, "don't stress out too much."

"I'm not going to have another heart attack."

"You don't know that," Katsura said. He was well aware of the mortality of his men. Shinsaku had been diagnosed with Hodgekin's lymphoma just a month ago. We were all at risk of getting sick, or being hurt. He took this into account. "Take into account that Himura wasn't aware of this," Katsura said, addressing the pool of men. "You're wife, Kaoru, doesn't mind does she?"

"She's taken a liking to the boy," I said.

"That's good," he nodded and looked around the room. "We can use this to our advantage. A son both Yukishiro and Himura," he leaned his head to both sides. "When we need that ammunition, we'll use it. Until then, lie low on the fact that he is a son of the Yukishiro family. Just pretend that it was your wife that birthed him."

"Understood."

"And Himura, as for those cars that are keeping surveillance...."

"Yes?"

"I would suppose that you are the police's next target to be pinched."

It didn't strike me as strange or odd in anyway. In fact, I'd been preparing to be taken in police custody ever since I had realized that other than rival families, we were working against the police. I went to take a sip of the Scotch, only to find that it slipped out of my hand and crashed on the wood floor. My hand was shaking and I didn't know why. I made a fist and bit it, wondering if somewhere I'd made a mistake. Aoshi scuttled to clean it up. There was a gunshot.

"Approach Himura again Shinomori and you'll have another hole in the head." Shishio quipped.

I dared to look up at the man, wielding a pistol at Aoshi.

"That's enough Makoto," Katsura ordered. "Put that away!"

"You have no idea why I did that, do you?" Shishio sneered. "You think there's a snitch? There's your goddamned snitch." All eyes were on Aoshi holding his hand where Shishio had struck him. Blood started seeping through the cracks in the floor, his fingers twitching.

Sanosuke grabbed the gun from Shishio, putting at the back of his head. "You're not really good at following the rules," he snarled. "Who said you could bring a weapon in this house?"

"I wonder," Shishio chuckled, "maybe the same one that let you."

"Stop it! Stop!" Katsura yelled. "Makoto! What is your reasoning?"

"Who here knew that Shinomori was part of the police?" hands began raising quickly. "And who knew that he never officially resigned." The hands went down until all that were left were Hiko and Katsura, which didn't surprise me in the slightest. Shishio's face twitched. "Then explain why you're letting a cop sit in on the meeting."

"He's not a cop," Hiko said, "he use to be. He was never offically taken off record because he was fired for insubordination. With a little persuasion we kept him on the books but had him on our side. He's not a double agent, he's just not off the books so it doesn't look suspicious."

Sanosuke rolled his eyes, dropping the gun from Shishio's head. "Dumbass," he handed Shishio back the weapon.

"It seems this meeting is adjourned," Katsura said, standing up. "Since you were so rude, take him to the hospital. If anyone asks say it was a random attack."

I sat stupefied, my hands still shacking. I lowered my head into my hands, people scuttling past me. I felt Hiko's hand on my back. "You alright?"

"Fine," I sucked in a breath hoping to calm myself. "Perfectly fine." I wanted to tell him about the plan to move so we could have more room for Kenji, but something told me that telling Hiko about that might be the death of me. I shuddered, my skin growing cold. I could hear all of the women asking what the gunshot was, especially when Aoshi came down with his hand wrapped and bleeding.

"Alright," he urged me to come downstairs for the food. "Your son looks an awful lot like you."

"You don't approve though right?"

"Katsura found a positive in it," he said, "though I don't much like the idea of having a child out of wedlock."

"I didn't know," I said. "She just left two years ago and then..."

"I know."

"Oh well," we stepped downstairs, Kaoru hugging my neck tight.

"Are you alright?" she asked me, crying. Hearing the gunshot must have worried her most of all. She wouldn't let me go until she inspected me for any kind of scratch or dent. It was a good thing I didn't tell her that Aoshi was just a few feet to my right. She rubbed my scarred cheek. The sweet smell of jasmine floating off her was mixing with the strange smell of pasta sauce.

"I promise that I'm alright."

"You better be," she said, pinching my cheeks. "I love you so much. I couldn't go on without you."

It was less assuring knowing that I was likely to be the next one pinched. "We should move," I said to her. "Really."

"Oh..." she was surprised by what I said. "I see."

"And I love you too."

She hugged me tighter. I couldn't let her go...


	12. 12

A/N: Well well....im lazy as hell aren't I?....time to write more

_"Kenshin seemed like a strong person, and I mean, compared to other people, he really was. He could stomach a lot of stuff. Having Yukishiro for a girlfriend, taking in his little mistake and having the family except it, I doubt there was anyone else they would let do that. He was in Katsura's good graces, not to mention he was Hiko's heir so....it didn't matter though. Even if he was strong, he wasn't really made to be one of the cut throat men that made up our organization. I doubted that he could control from here to down the street; I doubted he could make an honest hit on command, and I doubted that he could take a bullet...he had been wetting his feet for nine years...he was no Henry Hill, and he was definitely no Vito Corleone. You just have to face the facts...."_

_-Katsuhiro "Tsunan" Tsukioka_

* * *

The first thing that I did was buy Kaoru a new car. I was the only one that had a mode of transportation, but with things starting to heat up I was aware that she was the one that would be dealing with picking out a house. I trusted her judgement when it came to choosing our modest abode. She and some of her friends went out, looking around at anything and everything they could. I never really gave Kaoru any certain perameters that she had to follow when it came to buying the house, but I was sure she knew I wasn't big on things that were flashy and obvious. I also knew that she was used to the comforts of suburbia, and that was the most likely kind of place she would pick.

Meanwhile, while she was out house shopping, I went over to Aoshi's apartment, hoping to make amends for what had happened. He'd spent two days in the hospital for the wound. I had caught wind that the wound was far worse than just the gushing blood and, feeling somewhat responsible for what happened, I knew I had to intervene.

His apartment was in the middle of everything. I don't mean just because it was nearly centered in the city, but because he was in the middle of the territory war between us and the Yukishiro family. He was probably fighting for his life on a daily basis, the Yukishiro goons crawling all over the place.

I made myself so obvious that I wasn't. I had sunglasses on and my hands tucked in my pockets. I counted maybe four guys lingering around the apartment alone, and I was sure that there were more actually residing in the complex. Despite that, I knew that nothing was ever going to happen. Though the wars between us and the Yukishiro's was nearly headline news, neither clan was so stupid as to whack a member in broad daylight, or risk that one of the Yukishiro members be the one to pull the trigger. Whoever pulled the trigger, whether they killed their intended target or not, would be whacked as well. And that could be by either side.

The dirty truth about the war was not that it was awful, but that despite those who were wounded in the process, we were really pretty close friends. Its how a lot of the families worked. For example, at this time in history, the Gambinos and the Luchesse families, two of the five families that basically controlled New York City, while not getting along with one another very well, would still have meetings and talk with one another, as if they were friends, that's not to say they didn't work behind each others backs, trying to whack members of each other's crews but, there was nothing you could really do about that, it was going to happen, but as long as they had their alliances...

We were all friends in business.

I walked up several stories until I reached Aoshi's apartment, Elvis music slipping out from beneath the door. I smirked, knocking loudly, hoping to get louder than the music.

"It's open!" I heard Aoshi yell. I pushed the door open and closed it behind me. Elvis' _Jailhouse Rock_ was playing. I found it funny the mention of jail since all our members were getting pinched. Oh the irony.

Aoshi was down on the floor, his right hand, bandaged immensely, curled up against his chest while he worked on one handed push ups. He was breathing deeply and sweating hard, obviously having been doing this for a while. The record player skipped for a moment, drawing my attention up to it. Aoshi settled on his knees, wiping his forehead off with the back of his hand.

"Would you like to sit Himura?" Aoshi asked. I sat down in a recliner near him. Aoshi's home was sparsely decorated. He didn't even have curtains to cover the door to his balcony. "What brings you here?"

I shrugged. "I felt I should come," I said. "Heard you got out of the hospital."

"You don't have to apologize," Aoshi coolly responded. He went over to the record player and turned it off, making it easier for us to speak.

"Shishio's a little unstable, I know, but still..." I had a strange sensation that I was reasoning with myself instead of with him. Aoshi had turned away from me and went into the kitchen. "Anyways, I just wanted to stop by. Maybe make it up to you...we could go out to lunch, it's the least I can do."

"I'm busy," Aoshi replied. "Maybe another time."

"You're not going to make this easy are you?" I asked, standing and following him into the kitchen. "Aoshi?"

"It's my fault," he said, his voice somewhat dim. "Can I trust you with something?" He looked over to me, his eyes questioning me strongly. The look in his eyes wasn't so different than usual, but if you were friends with him as long as I have been, you could see a certain desperation in his eyes a mile away. I nodded.

"Of course."

"You tell anyone..." he warned in a paranoid fashion.

"I won't."

He bowed his head. "I...I am the police still."

The way he said it was so sappy that it wasn't believeable. And maybe that was what he was wanting. To get it off his chest and make it sound so unbeliveable that it didn't matter what he told you.

"I know. We covered that at the meeting didn't we?" I asked. I walked closer to him. "I get it, you feel like you've betrayed the family but...you haven't. I mean, Hiko and Kogoro know about it right?"

He turned to look back at me, but never turned his head. He lifted it up and nodded. "Guess your right."

I should have seen it then. When he didn't give me eye contact, when he just backed down after making such a big deal out of what he had just said. I shrugged my shoulders and sighed. "You sure you don't wanna go out for lunch? It'll take your mind off things."

"I'm positive."

I couldn't persuade him. Maybe it was because of his fear, or paranoia. I'm sure just my being around him scared him. I wasn't sure why. There wasn't any way that Hiko or Kogoro would let him get hurt again, especially by Shishio. Then again, as I thought, if there was one member that people had a hard time keeping track of, it was Shishio. He had been in and out of jail more times then we could count. It added credibility to him too, being in jail so much. There was a certain amount of respect that he had gained, even with Hiko and Kogoro, though he wasn't exactly the role model out of our group...not to say that any of us were.

"Alright," I nodded my head. "Well, I'll be going then."

"Himura?"

"Hm?"

"I would be careful," he said to be, like we all said to each other. I took it as him warning me about the Yukishiro clan.

"I will."

* * *

Kaoru had come home with a few respectable places. Most of them were middle class homes in the dead center of suburbia; nothing like Hiko had, but nothing like my dingy little apartment. I told her to pick whichever one she thought would be best for that family. She lit up.

After that though, after her hype had died down and everythign got quiet in our home, I was confronted with her scared side. The side of her that was terrified for me because of the few days before. I shrugged my shoulders at her, knowing that it was just one of those incidences that was going to happen and I had no control over. Then she asked me the ultimate question:

"What if something happens to you?"

I was left speechless for a moment. I lowered my head and closed my eyes, almost laughing to myself. I didn't really set up a response for this question. There was always the answer 'nothing's ever going to happen to me' but then, that wasn't necessarily true. The cops were scoping out the apartment, we were in the middle of a territory war, and the family itself as having internal issues. I rubbed my temples and said to her:

"We'll cross that bridge when we get to it," and left it at that. Kaoru hadn't settled with that answer. I could see that she was still fidgetty, but there was really nothing else that I could say to her that would sum up everything that needed to be said.

* * *

1976 was quiet after that. Not a blip on the radar that we had to reckon with. Sure, there was the usual things like dealing with the police, worrying if maybe some kind of heist would go wrong, among other things. Once we settled in a modest little ranch home on a cul-de-sac not much different from the one I use to live on with Dad, things almost settled down.

I was spending a lot of time with my wife and son. I worked my regular hours at the restaurant, as well as working outside the realm of my "job". For the most part I worked as a numbers runner, something that really had to do with the family. We had out hands sunk deep into things besides the blackmarket. Most of the bookies in the city were own by us, or of course the Yukishiros. There was also the gambling places, the shylocking, better known as loan sharking, among other things. I helped in a lot of weird deals, doing my part in the family. I was just waiting to be pinched, not that I wanted to be. But, as it seemed to go, it gave you a certain amount of credibility in the family, like you'd done something special.

January 9th, 1977, was Superbowl XI in Pasadena, California. It was, as any Superbowl, a big deal. I had never cared for football. My most significant memory of it was after Koshijiro had been killed, and I heard the end of the Oakland-Pittsburgh game in '72. Despite me not getting into football all that much, that year I had a certain piqued interest. The Raiders, how convenient, were favored by four that year. I went around, on a whim, to several different bookies and placed some bets on the Raiders, just to see what had happened. I split up maybe 10,000 dollars. Kaoru had never known about what I was doing, and she didn't understand why I was so curious to watch the game that afternoon. I had even taken off work, just to see what would happen. Still, she sat through it with me. By the end of the first half Oakland was up 16, and I felt sure I was getting my money. Oakland won, 32-14. The moment that clock hit zero in the fourth quarter, revealing that Oakland was indeed the winner, I stood up, walked over to Kaoru, and picked her up, carrying her bridal style.

"What the hell's wrong with you?" she asked. "It's just a stupid football game."

"How 'bout we take a vacation?" I asked nonchalantly. She was shocked. "Anywhere you wanna go."

"Uh..."she looked be square in the eye as she said: "Take me to Hawaii. Two weeks."

I think that could slide.

I had never told Kaoru that I had bet so much on a game that I hardly understood. I think it was best that I just made it up to her by taking her to Hawaii for the two weeks she asked. It was just me, her and Kenji and the beaches of Waikiki to two weeks. My three year old son was absolutely thrilled playing in the sand. We must have collected two dozen seashells to keep, some of which we still own. There are things that you just can't let go of sometimes.

By the time we returned, it was still the dead of winter at home, snow about two inches deep, which we figured out as we went to the airport parking lot, looking around for our ride. Sanosuke pulled up, rolling down the window as quickly as he could. His eyes seemed a little dark, his mouth a flat line across his face. This concludes the vacation ladies and gentlemen, reality had now come back to power.

Karou climbed in the back of the car while I loaded our things in the trunk. Sanosuke had gotten a new car over the time we were gone, a nice '66 Thunderbird. I got into the passenger side, taking in the quiet. It was only like that for so long before Sanosuke said to me: "You're a stupid shit ya know that?"

Kaoru covered Kenji's ears tightly, knowing that Sanosuke was about to go into a rant. I closed my eyes. "What did I do now?"

"You left dammit!"

I lulled my had to the side, staring at Sanosuke tiredly. "I left? That's a stupid excuse. I told you guys we were going on vacation. I haven't had one in forever."

"You pick...the stupidest time to leave."

"What happened?" I demanded. "You yelling at me for being stupid does not tell me what I've done."

Sanosuke sucked in a deep breath. That was when I realized that whatever happened had happened to him. He shook his head. "You're my partner, aren't you?" he asked. Kaoru was cooing to Kenji in the back, the boy babbling to her, pulling her hair. "We were pulling one of our normal little stunts," he said, referring to some sort of shipment hijacking, probably cigarettes or watches or even money from the airport. "The police caught up to us, nearly took us out. It was like some fucking action movie scene," he said, closing his eyes. "I know damn well if you were there no body would have fucked with us."

"I have no control over the police."

"They like you."

I stopped, my mouth half open, then I furrowed my brows. "What are you talking about?"

"Because they like Hiko, so they like you," he nodded his head sharply following what he said.

"No one likes Hiko."

"The police love Hiko. Believe it or not," he said. "They're so far up his ass that they could tell you if he farted before he could," I cringed at Sanosuke's metaphor, but understood what he meant. Most of the time Hiko was extremely generous to the police. He had done a lot of nice things for them. Call him charitable, but Hiko was usually the one supporting the police, or a certain political candidate, or something of that nature, though I knew he wasn't pleased with Carter being elected, seeing as Hiko was a Republican.

"So what, they think I'm with Hiko?"

"You are his heir aren't you?" Sanosuke asked.

"Well, sure if you want to put it that way."

"Your his."

I shook my head. "This makes so sense Sano..."

Sanosuke cleared his throat, as if he were preparing to say something huge. He stayed silent the rest of the car ride. The only sound was the cooing of Kenji in the background. Sanosuke pulled up to our house, Kaoru getting out back and pulling out the bags, Kenji trying to help her. I was hardly home an hour before I was back to work again. I said I was sorry to Karou, and kissed her hoping that I could somehow make up for my circumstances. She didn't really say anything to me, just walked into the house carrying in our bags.

Sanosuke then zipped out of the cul-de-sac, and started down the highway. "Where are we going?"

"Lunch."

"Lunch or "lunch"?" I asked. Sanosuke shrugged his shoulders, not committing to any certain answer. I had a feeling that something bad was going to happen this snowy afternoon. I had even considered asking Kaoru if she wanted to stay in Hawaii for a few more days, just so I could let the feeling subside, but I knew whatever was in for me as going to waiting until I got back.

We arrived at a small restaurant, one that was favored by Katsura Kogoro, but seemed almost like a hole in the wall. It was a down and out kind of place, a hovel from the outside, but I knew the inside was lavish, and for the elite like Kogoro. I wondered if maybe it was disgusting on the outside just so it could deter normal people.

We walked up to the restaurant, but I paused for a few moments just before the door. It was in the middle of a few other old time shops, the kind that still closed on Sunday, and it was almost dead. "Am I in trouble?" I asked, like a little kid walking up tot the teacher after being called on. Sanosuke shrugged his shoulders and walked inside, prompting me to go inside with him. It wasn't a really big, but it was really warm to walk into. I immediately took off my coat, revealing the Hawaiian shirt I brought back from my vacation.

A waiter took us back into a back room, my eyes falling on Sozo, Shinsaku and Kogoro. Sozo and Shinsaku were eating, but Kogoro was leaned back, his hands folded on the table. He wasn't looking too well, his face a little pasty and his hair drooped somewhat. Sanosuke and I sat down across from the three, Kogoro leaned against the wall, his eyes closed.

"Afternoon Himura," Shinsaku said. I jumped a little. Call me sensative, but I was a little scared at this moment. I nodded to him. "Have a good vacation?"

I rolled my shoulders. "Yeah, actually. Better than this snow."

There was a bit of laughter. Kogoro opened his eyes and grabbed the glass of wine sitting on the table. I knew that Shinsaku was sick, but I wasn't aware that Kogoro might have some sort of illness. "Did I miss something important?" I asked, wondering if I really was in trouble since Shinsaku had brought it up. Maybe I had unintentionally skipped something during my little absence, but I doubted there was anything _that_ important that I could have missed.

"I just wanted you to lunch," said Kogoro, clearing my mind. "I needed new company is all."

"Hiko getting old?" I asked.

"We all are," he looked over to Shinsaku with the saddest glance. Though I knew that Kogoro was happily married, and very faithful to his wife, there were times that I would look at the way he looked at Shinsaku and question it. I lowered my head a little. "Anyways, yes, he is very stale. I figured maybe you could prove to be better entertainment."

"Did something happen?"

"You mean..."he jutted his chin over to Sanosuke who was ordering. I shook my head at the waiter, not very hungry around all these men. I was scared shitless, no fooling. I nodded to Kogoro. "It was just an accident. Don't believe what he tells you."

Sozo snickered a little while Sanosuke pouted. "You're one mean sonofabitch," Sanosuke said, "ya know that?" I wasn't sure it he was directing it at his father or at Kogoro, but judging by the way that Kogoro was laughing it didn't seem to matter. After that things seemed to clear up the slightest bit, a weight lifted off of my shoulders. I talked to the men, the merry men, sharing all the details of the vacation..._all_of them. Me and Karou had this bond ya know, but I'm sure you know...

We left together, but I was walking and talking with Kogoro, going with him to his car to be polite. That, and we had a good conversation going. He was telling me all the things that he and Hiko use to do when they were kids, when things were so much more innocent than they were.

That was when I realized, on January 23rd, 1977, was going to be the start of the end.

Just before we reached Kogoro's car, and old '50 something Cadillac, we were all stopped by the sound of gunfire rattling off in the distance. If you've ever heard a bullet come out from a gun, you know the shrill sound that it makes, the whizzing as it comes near you, and the imminent danger you were in. I started to duck down and without thinking I pushed Kogoro with me, my hand sliding into my coat pocket, hoping to grab the gun I had (lately I felt I needed it, being a number runner and all).

Kogoro's Cadillac was dinged up something awful, and I could feel something stinging in my left arm, blood oozing down to my hand, staining my coat sleeve. It took me a minute to realize that Kogoro was laying on the sidewalk, bleeding out a hole in his side. I pressed my hands to it, like I were trying to hold ever single drop of it in, though it just moved right past my fingers. I looked back to the other guys, lying below a car, out of fire. There were already police on the scene, shooing away whoever had shot at us. I looked back down to Kogoro, his face ever more ashen. It was pointless of me to be holding in the blood....he wouldn't be needing it any longer.

A/N: The start of the end....heehee....well...the seventies and eighties were when things got rough for teh mobs so....figured it worked....till next time, KenSan out!


	13. 13

A/N: Well well....im lazy as hell aren't I?....time to write more

_"Kogoro Katsura...we got a lucky shot in no doubt because, honestly, it wasn't him we were aiming for. We weren't even aware that Katsura was at the restaurant that day. On the other hand, Himura took the blunt of it, which was enough for us to deal with. Still, when we saw Katsura go down, well, we started to smile. It wasn't every day you killed your enemy in broad daylight. _

_"Much to our displeasure it was all over the newstands the next day, and they made Himura almost like a hero for surviving...if every man who survived in our world was a hero then we wouldn't be considered public enemies..."_

_-Enishi Yukishiro_

* * *

**13.**

I was out for a few days. Not out like unconscious, just out. I couldn't keep my mind on one subject long enough for it to make sense, even to me. I was in and out of pain, being woken and falling back asleep so much that it was cyclical. I was tired, but it wasn't because of injury, but because of fear. Something had overtook when I was at the hospital, worse than a virus: reality.

I understood that reality was around me all the time. People were being hurt, or dying. But they never really affected me overall. But, this reality was much more stout, much for strong that I had remember in previous experiences. The feeling of Kogoro's life slipping out of my hands. His blood staining my fingertips, and the pavement below him. He was hit so hard that he never said a word, only looked up to this sky with some sort of hazy look. I can't forget the way that he smiled though, looking upward. He wasn't too faithful, but his wife was. He wore a cross for his wife's sake, and it had come out of his shirt, resting over his heart, on that day.

Before I passed out, and I wasn't sure if it was the pain or the shock that had gotten me, I momentarily looked up to the sky as well, maybe to see if there was something there that was making him smile. It was an overcast day though. Not a hint of sun came through, and in fact, it was getting ready to snow.

I tumbled next to our leader, my breathing heavy. I was awake and partially alert, but my body just didn't want to move. I was shaken hard, no doubt it was Sanosuke trying to get me to my senses. By that time my arm was sticky with blood, the sleeve having turned an off shade of red. "Ken! Ken, wake up, wake up!" he pushed against me, demanding my attention. I just couldn't give it to him.

The snow was beneath me for a time, melting away under the heat of my back, and the water that was seeping beneath me, at least before they picked me up and started to work on the bleeding in my arm, seemed almost like it were a baptism.

I'd never gone to church, except for my wedding, and I had never really believed in anything that was above me, or below me. I just sort of sat, listless all the time, waiting for some sort of granduer that was suppose to come out of it all. That baptism, if I can even call it that, put me in a state of haze, staring outward at the world without the ability to grasp it, at least not yet.

I woke up somewhere around the 26th of January, my arm pounding something awful. It was wrapped up tight, as it should have been, and I couldn't move my elbow. I looked to my left and saw a curtain hanging up, then I looked to my right, to my wife sitting there, half asleep, her hands knit together tightly, as if in prayer.

"Kaoru," I rasped out. She opened her eyes and looked blankly at me, as if I weren't even there, so I said her name again. "Kaoru," she looked at me and smiled, but it was a smile that I could read as not being all that happy. She reached out and touched my hand. Her hands were cold, almost lifeless. I knew it was me that had put her in this state of worry.

"Glad you're awake," she said, and reached over, hugging me gently. My shoulder throbbed the slightest bit. I supposed that maybe I was hit there too. "You worried me."

"Sorry," I turned at the sound of rustling coming from beyond the curtain. There was no one coming. I looked back to Kaoru and frowned. "I'm about half crazy aren't I?"

"You're just scared."

I knew the answer to this question, though in my own haze I had to as Kaoru because she could confirm it for me. "How's Kogoro?"

The look on her face was unmistakeable. Her eyes fell to her lap, her hands started to squeeze together. She was doing everything that was in her power not to start crying, and even more so, not to tell me what had happened. I supposed that he was dead, which would be right by her reaction, but it seemed that it wasn't only that.

"Kaoru?"

"He's been on life support," she muttered. "They're just waiting."

"Family?" I asked. She nodded. "What are they waiting for? Some conformation of succession?" she wasn't entirely sure, at least so her expression read. Kaoru wanted to stay in the dark about or society. She didn't want to know how things worked, or who was doing what. She had been around it all her life, so of course it was an influence, so the most she did was suck up the benefits that came along with it. I'm not saying that Kaoru was greedy at all, in fact she could be saintly generous if she wanted to, but she took what we were given and kept it, sat on it, let it collect interest as time went by. I knew she was think of something to do with it sooner or later.

I tried moving my arm but was rewarded with pain shooting up it; I just remained still, looking at Kaoru with sadness. "Where's Kenji?"

"Megumi's watching him for me. I don't think he'd want to see you like this," she said. I nodded to her. I was kind of glad that she thought of it that way. I didn't want Kenji seeing me feeble, or hurt. I was his Dad; it was my job to create a good example for the boy. Being made Swiss cheese sure wasn't the way of going about it.

After another day I was released, my arm slung up and my coat hanging over it. I tried my best to hide it beneath my coat, bit it was rather hard.

Karou forced me to stay home and rest, but there was a lingering anxiety within me. I needed to know why the family was waiting so long to decide who their next leader was, as it was obvious that Kogoro was surviving only on the help of a bounty of machines, and I wouldn't have been half surprised if the Yukishiros employed someone to try and sabotage our waiting.

By the beginning of February Kaoru let me out of her clutches, driving (where she said she wasn't going to let me for a least another week) me to the restuarant. I told her that I would be quick, but that I would call her if I needed a ride back. I walked around the back of the restaurant and came through the employee hatch, looking at my friends walking around the kitchen preparing the meals that were ordered.

Everyone gave me these sympathetic looks, and no one seemed to want to meet my eye. I pulled my coat closed over the wound, my eyes shifting around the room to look for something that I was missing. "Where's Sozo?" I asked quietly. They told me that he was in Hiko's office.

I lowered my head but left the kitchen, narrowly avoiding a new waiter, hustling to get more orders. I stayed in the shadows, my eyes skimming around out diners, then I stopped at Hiko's office door, closed up tight.

"...an't be waiting for Ken any longer," I heard Sozo say. "This is a serious matter. We can just assume that whatever we do will be okay by him."

I knocked hard.

"In a meeting!" Hiko yelled.

"I need to talk to you," I said. The door was swift to be opened, Sozo looking at me with fear in his eyes.

"You're looking better," he said to me. I was curious if he was covering something up, or I had really been looking bad. I pushed the door closed and approached Hiko, not all sure of the reason I had came, other than to confirm that I was still alive.

"Have you been waiting for me?" I asked. Hiko shrugged.

"Not really," even Hiko was looking at my arm. I lowered my head somewhat. "You shouldn't blame yourself, this was bound to happen sooner or later."

"What about the police?" I asked.

"They're not looking into it too much. Kogoro wasn't exactly one of their friends."

Sozo had pulled up a chair close to Hiko's desk. After I had entered, he had jumped out of it. I wasn't sure if that was a curteosy or just because he was being sympathetic. Still, I took it because I was somewhat woozy.

"You're one of their friends though."

"I wouldn't say that too loud if I were you," Hiko warned. He had four or five different papers laying on his desk, all for today but different editions. I furrowed my brows, but didn't look into it. I knew Hiko liked to be well informed. "Anyways, you came..?"

"I don't know. Just felt like interrupting."

"You're good at that," he said said. He picked up a coffee cup which I was sure had tea instead of coffee in it.

"How long are you going to keep Kogoro like that?" I asked, shifting around in the seat. Sozo was standing guard at the door, as if there was going to be someone who would come and try to hurt us in this private place. Apparently though, by the looks of Hiko's office, he wasn't all too concerned with what people were seeing. His curtains, the heavy curtains he usually kept closed to his office was a secluded place, were wide open letting gobs of light in. It was almost blinding, and it outlined him almost angelically, his face hardly visible.

"As long as it takes to make a decision," he said. "Believe me when I say it's not only this decision that's making us wait."

I read between the lines as best I could. With Kogoro still alive, albeit it, only just, he was still the leader and, for the time being, Hiko was the active boss, at least until Kogoro kicked the bucket. Since Kogoro was alive, there was no need to be democratic and vote for who needed to be boss. It was just as easy to let Hiko be the boss, seeing as he was the second in command and one of Kogoro's closest and oldest friends. When Kogoro died though, as he would in a few hours, there would be a need for a meeting and for a vote. We treat it kind of like a presidential election, you could say, except we were a little more honest and didn't make a lot of useless promises.

Hiko stood up, disregarding the papers on his desk.

For a long time, Hiko was like everyone else. He showed his status in our family and he showed his status as a business owner by wearing nice suits. But, it seemed, his style had changed. Call it a little more...normal if you want to, but it was the seventies at its best. He didn't like to wear ties anymore, like I remembered him. He was usually wearing the obnoxious pants, almost like golfer's pants but he didn't golf. Not to say that it didn't look good on him, because somehow he was one of those guys that just pulled it off, but he knew how to make himself noticeable. And I began to think, especially now, that maybe he was going through some sort of midlife crisis. He was being pretty childish. He bought a nice new car, kind of like the one that Sanosuke had gotten, only much more showy. I could understand, with our circumstances and all...

"When will the meeting be?"

"When we decide it," he said.

I rolled my shoulders gently, wincing. "I probably won't be back to _work_for another month or so...Kaoru barely let me out of the house today."

Hiko nodded, picked up his tea, and looked out the window pensively. If there was ever a man who's mind I wanted to see, it was Hiko Seijuuro's; though I'm sure there were some...novelties...in there that no everyone would be able to stand, it was the clockwork I wanted to see, I wanted to see what made this man tick. I wanted to see the genius that was my "father" you could say.

He sighed in response. I lifted up, looking back to Sozo still guarding the door. I jutted my chin as a way to insinuate that it was be better if he left us. He nodded and reluctantly left, no doubt lingering on the other side of the door.

"I know who my vote is for," I said to him, as if that was going to reassure him. He just took another sip of the tea.

I walked around the desk, pausing at the side of it, looking at the stained mahogany. He didn't ever replace the desk from five years ago, reminents of the blood still lingering on the edge of if. After that, I approached him. "It's okay to be afraid."

"I'm not afraid," he said. I lowered my head. "When's the last time you made contact with the Yukishiro girl?"

"Not since July last year," I said.

"When Kenji showed up?"

"Yeah," I stood beside him, looking out the window. There wasn't much to look at, except the empty lot beside us. I knew Hiko had considered buying it so he could expand, but he never acted upon his consideration. "You think maybe this was my fault?"

"You've never done anything to upset them, other than Tomoe?"

Immediately my mind went back to when I protected Kaoru, pistol whipping some of their associates for her sake. I shook my head. "No sir," I said, "nothing other than be part of this family."

"I see."

That 'I see' had a lot too it. He probably heard a certain amount of guilt within my voice for what I'd done, even though I had never said a word to him. I thought maybe Sanosuke had told Sozo and Sozo had told Hiko, which was entirely possibly, but if that chain had ever happened, then I never knew about it and still don't, not even now as I tell you these things.

He turned around, checking his pocket watch, the same one he had when he interviewed me, and then set down the tea. "I'm going to check on the kitchen." He said, but before he did, he grabbed my uninjured wrist and said: "It's better to the the instigator than the hero."

He let my wrist go and walked out, not feeling like explaining himself to me. I never quite knew what it meant, but at the same time I did. It was Hiko, he made himself a pretty blunt person so it wasn't all that hard to follow what he was talking about. I supposed he meant that it was better to start something than to end it. Most of the time, those who start the problem aren't really remembered in comparison to the one's who ended it. I always took it like that; better to be the unknown than the known.

I stood in the office for a few more moments before I left, calling Kaoru on Hiko's office phone to pick me up.

* * *

In March, we had a funeral for Kogoro. It was a small funeral, one that hardly made the paper except maybe for the obituary. His wife was really crying. I was sure the wives were the most scared for us, they knew us the best, and they knew what we were doing was awful and dangerous. The only thing that was good for her was that the family would take care of her for the rest of her life, as they could, because she was the wife of the boss.

After the funeral all the men adjourned to the villa where we began to talk hoping to reach an agreement. We knew that this could take all night and all day the next day, so we made sure that the women were there and were cooking. At the least they were happy knowing that they were near us.

Again, we sat in the circle staring at each other, wondering what we should do. There was an air of melancholy as we passed drinks around. I hard started hard that night, somewhat overtaken by the sadness. There were those of us who seemed ready to cry, but were holding it in as best we could, and then there were those who were completely stoic and unwavered, as if the death had never happened and this was just us gathering to play bingo and chat about the weather.

Shinsaku started to cough hard, I'izuka asking if he was alright. He was thin; his eyes were sunken in, his wrists so small that my hand could fit around them, and he was sheet white. No one said anything, even as they saw him get worse. They really didn't want to deal with two deaths in a row, especially considering Kogoro's affections for Shinsaku.

I threw back my drink. Aoshi was still serving, standing up but looking over cautiously to Shishio (his hands were on his lap). As far as we knew, we had been frisked at the door and everything was taken and laid on a table outside.

Dinner was at 8:30; it was 7:15.

"Are we just gonna be quiet or are we gonna get on with this?" someone asked. Hiko's eyes traveled over the room, his hands reaching into his pockets and drawing out his watch. All eyes were on him when he stood up, walking to the center of the room. His fingers pinched the notch of the to of the watch, as if he were beginning to wind it. He was wearing all white, as he had at the funeral.

"Time is a steadfast thing gentlemen. Unwavered, undeterred. This is our enemy, this is our...enemy," his voice was soft, but provocative. Aoshi handed me a glass then knelt down next to me, listening. "What we do is not God's work, not the Devil's work. We are neither advocates but rather, instigators. What we start others will finish. We have nothing at all to gain. You may say monetarily, and you'll be right. We put our hands deep in money, but only so we can benefit not only ourselves but the people around us. We do good things, but they go unnoticed. We are people, like all the others who wander outside, push passed us.

"Time has never stopped, and it is the enemy of the instigator, because should we stop at the wrong time, then we will brin gour own downfal, call it an art, call it a purpose, call it reason or whatever you wish, but we can not stop time, only play its game."

I didn't know what he was doing, but he was walking in circles, staring at his watch with fervor. The top was still pulled up, the hands frozen in place.

"Today is what?" he asked up, turning around on his heel, looking at all the men. I heard myself say:

"March fifth, 1977."

"March fifth..."he lowered his head. "It is March fifth 1977, and it is 22 minutes past seven o' clock," he said, at least that was what his watch was telling him. mine read 7:27. "Yesterday in Bucharest, which is a part of Romania, there was an earthquake. It seems insignificant but, yesterday 1,500 people were killed. Human beings unable to stop time. And it seems so insignificant because we mark the passing of one man by deciding who will take his place." He stopped, his watch falling to his side, clutched tightly in his hand. "There is no mourning. We just want to know who will take his place so you can keep the chain going. Sure, you are the instigators well...this time," he looked at the watch, "what are you instigating?"

No one answered. Hiko laughed. "Just as I should expect from you..."

"We mourn." Shishio said. "But we 'instigators' as you say, have no time, which you seem to know very well doesn't stop, to sit back and watch ourselves get walked all over."

"Shut the fuck up," Sanosuke interrupted Shishio. "The man's trying to make a point."

It had all been lost though. His point was lost amongst the riff-raff that he was with. The look in Hiko's black eyes, well, it was a look that I hadn't seen. It was brooding sadness, or depression. It wasn't anger either. It was just, blankness. Maybe a little but of sorrow. I think the reason that he was speaking was because he too felt like he wasn't doing enough to mourn. He was guilty and he was trying to share his guilt, but no one said a word to him, just sat there, some asking for drinks from Aoshi, other's mingling. The smiles that were on their face must have set Hiko's heart a flame. He twisted the knob to match the grandfather clock in the corner, clicked it down into place to make the hands start ticking, then made his point clear by throwing it to the floor, shattering it's face, twisting the hands and sending its cap skidding across the floor.

"When you get your heads far enough out of each other's asses to see the sky, then tell me, because should you try and conduct this meeting without doing that first, you will suffer. Kogoro may have put up with it, but I won't. I won't stand by and see you kill each other in these stupid internal struggles. I'm tired of all you fuckers pretending you give a damn. There are maybe five men in this room who actually have enough pride to let themselves cry; to let their heart's bleed for another man."

That watch was an olf watch from the 1930s. Something that Kogoro had gave Hiko as a Christmas gift, as friends. For the longest time, it was the only posession that Hiko had that meant anything, and even now I was sure it was.

He didn't run out of the room like a school girl, but he did leave to join the women downstairs.

"Ken?" I heard after a few more moments of silence. I got to the floor, picked up the remnants of the watch and held it close. It was permanently frozen. "Ken, you alright?" Katsu was knelt next to me, bringing me up. "Ken, you might want this," he said, handing me his handkerchief. I took it, feeling my face which had gone numb in some sort of pseudo-shame. There were tears.

A/N: Meep...till next time, KenSan out!


	14. 14

A/N: Kay...time for more...

_"We were never sure when the right time was to strike without making it look too obvious. Of course we had Shinomori in as an operative, but we didn't want to go through him to get what we wanted just yet. We wanted to see what we could pull off first before we started really getting deep into everything. Our way of starting our little "operation" was in the spring of 1978. We believed that enough time had passed that we could start making our moves. We were getting tired of picking off the little guys; the gamblers, the number runners or the soldiers that ran the illegal gambling operations...we wanted to hit it in the heart...and we started at the right place."_

_- Commissioner Saito Hajime_

* * *

**14.**

Kenji turned four in May of 1978. He was a blossoming little boy who was looking like me more and more every day that passed us by. He wasn't into me as much as he was Kaoru. He was on her like a leech, but then I guess I couldn't blame him. I hadn't been in his life for two years, why was he suppose to call me "Dad" and love me? That said, he did love me all the same, but his affections geared more toward Kaoru who was with him. She hovered over him, watching him grow up. I came in like a camera. I had snapshots of everything, but I missed the things that were in between all of that.

On his fourth birthday though, work came home with me. Not saying that was a bad thing. The family was over at our house, eating and drinking and having a good time celebrating his birthday. The family did everything together. Vacations, birthdays, you name it, we were all together, getting drunk, having a good time.

I was a decent enough pastry chef to make my son's birthday cake, not that I had real good coordination when it came to decorating, but I managed. I came out with the four candles bunched together, singing for him as I did. Kenji was in his grandfather, Hiko's, lap, babbling to him about how he wanted to get a dog and hoped that was his present this year. Hiko had taken to Kenji after he got past the fact that Tomoe was his mother.

I think maybe that was the start of a lot of things. Hiko, after taking the seat as our Boss, our Don, had made his first order of business to start negotiating "treaties" with the Yukishiro's. It had become so sudden that all on both sides were taken aback by it, but with Hiko's fervor there were lines drawn up that we were meant to follow.

We still looked over our shoulders of course, but there was a little less tension. We banded together against the police knowing that they were becoming a major threat for both parties. We had also set up rules when it came to the killings of each others members. Call it our little code, but when it was proven there was a murder by one clan, it was the other clan's turn to get redemption. The war had scaled down to come scuffles, but it was still going on.

The whole family bunched around the table, me and Kaoru at each side of Kenji as we sang for him. He stood on Hiko's knees pulling a cowboy hat back and waiting for us to finish singing to him. I knew he was really eyeing the two tables full of presents across the room. He blew out that candles immediately, the family clapping for him. He fell back in Hiko's lap giggling as we began to cut the cake. I stood back smiling. Everyone acted as if it were a wedding, but it was just a four year old's birthday. This was one of those perks I guess, being able to be cared about.

Amidst all the commotion, Sanosuke came up to me and put his hand on my shoulder. I looked down taking a good look at the ring on his finger. He and Megumi had finally gotten married the year before, in June. It was a beautiful wedding, just as good as mine and Kaoru's. I think Sanosuke needed something to settle down on though. With Megumi he seemed a little less rambunctious.

"What's the matter?" I asked, noticing a bit of distress on his face.

"There's someone at the door."

"Who?" I asked, furrowing my brows. "Isn't everyone here?"

Kaoru looked back at me. I told her that I was going to answer the door. The commotion had finally died down then and I was more or less obligated to open the door since everyone was looking. Hiko settled Kenji on the chair. He got up and followed me, lingering in the threshold between the living and dining rooms.

I opened the door and the first thing I saw was uniforms.

"Are you Kenshin Himura?" one asked.

"Yes."

I was trying to act casual even though my muscles were tightening at the sight of them.

"We have a warrant to search the premises."

Now, let me explain something. This wasn't the first time that this happened, but usually I wasn't home to answer the door. Kaoru had been through this on several different occasions. She let them through and they never found anything that was out of the ordinary. I knew I shouldn't have been worrying. There was nothing they could get anyone at the party for. No one here had a warrant for their arrest, as far as I was aware. I just couldn't shake that feeling.

"Um..."I lowered my head. "I understand this is your job but could you...come back in two hours or something?"

"'Fraid not," one of the cops said. I realized what I said was suspicious.

"My son's birthday part is today, it would be a real downer..."

"I'm sorry. We are required to search the premises," he pulled out the search warrant, showing it to me. "If you could please read and sign this."

I begrudged this whole thing, but took the paper and signed it quickly. I looked back at Hiko with and expressed my worry, but he just bobbed his head to call me back in the dining room. I wondered if it was illegal for them to search during a kid's birthday party. I knew it was planned but had no way to prove it if I ever got my day in court.

I sat silently with the rest of the group. They all huddled around me, Kaoru and Kenji. Kenji had started to cry; Kaoru and Megumi were trying their hardest to console him as we heard the police opening drawers and pulled out our things. Finally they came back. I stood up defensively. One of them was holding a gun. It was the gun that I had used to beat one of the Yukishiro thugs, the gun that I had protected Kaoru with. "Is this yours?" he asked. I kept my mouth shut, as I knew was best. "I bet I can presume you don't have a license to carry a firearm." I still kept quiet. Kaoru grabbed my arm tightly. "We're going to have to take you in if you can't present the proper license to hold this," the officer said, holding the gun up. It still had blood on it.

The second one came up to me and for a second I questioned if I should resist or not. I was aware that it was in my best interest to just stay calm with it all and let them take me. I was aware of my rights and I fully intended to make sure that I used them to my benefit. They pulled my hands behind my back and cuffed them together. All the while they were scanning all the people sitting or standing around the table, Hiko most of all. I saw a mocking look appear on Hiko's face. They had no reason to try and arrest him, so it was almost like the police were dogs on a chain. They got up as close as they could and barked but they couldn't grab at Hiko so it really did them no good.

I strained to look at Sanosuke as they started to walk me out my front door. Sanosuke made a gentle nod to me, assuring me that everything was going to be alright. I knew everything was going to be alright. Sanosuke was my counsel. As soon as he had passed his bar exam, despite my knowing whether or not he was actually a good lawyer, I took him on as my counsel for any of these situations. He was my best friend after all, it seemed like the logical thing to do.

"As you seem to know well," one of the officers said to me. "You have the right to remain silent and anything you say can be used against you in a court of law..." Miranda rights. Under the case of _Miranda v. Arizona_ back in '66. It was a family member's best friend, not that we talked to the police anyways. We were known, at least for the longest time, not to self incriminate or incriminate others. Of course, as history shows, those sorts of things start crumbling down...

I looked at my house to see the people of the party flooding out the front door. Kaoru had hold of Kenji and the look on her face was more than I could bare. I lowered my head, but I had looked long enough to see that Sanosuke was getting in his car and was ready to follow us. Lately he kept a nice suit jacket in the backseat of his car so he could look nice for the cops.

They took me to the station and put me in a cell, but they didn't let me sit their long. This was the type of break they were looking to have for the longest time. I sat back in the bland interrogation room and waited for Sanosuke to show up. All the while they were trying to grill me, asking me questions about the family, who my associates were, if I knew anything about the recent robberies that had been going on. I just kept my lips sealed and waited for Sanosuke. I wondered what exactly was taking him if he had been following us the entire time. I tried to convince myself that it was all for the best.

"'scuse me!" I heard. It made me perk up the slightest bit and look at the door. A few officers let Sanosuke through. He cleaned up real nice if you just put a suit jacket on him and combed back his hair. "Sanosuke Sagara, I'm Mr. Himura's attorney," he said sticking his hand out to the cops. Neither of them really looked like they wanted to shake hands with him. He was all right with that. He sat down next to me and laid a manila folder on the metal table. "So, if I may know, what are the charges?" I sat back comfortable, my fingers fiddling with one another.

"Illegal possession of a firearm Mr. Sagara." The name rolled off their lips with spite. I was curious if that was because they that they had another family member in their midst, or if it was because they could somehow tell that Sanosuke was going to send them to the cleaners.

"These charges are the only pending charges?" Sanosuke asked.

The officers looked at one another curiously. I looked at the window that was probably two way and I smiled hoping that Saito was on the other side. "Yes," they answered. "But if there is no proof of license then he will be indicted on the charges."

Sanosuke got this sly grin on his face. "Well, maybe you should start doing your homework gentlemen. I'm aware you asked if the gun was my client's, correct?" The officers somehow remained passive when Sanosuke spoke. I was half expecting them to try and keep him quiet and allow me to speak, but I was sure that they were happy to have anything said to them since I'd been quiet for over an hour. "Correct?"

"That's correct. It's a standard question, which he failed to answer."

Sanosuke lolled his head to the side. "It's mine gentlemen," he said coolly. I paused, looking over to him with one of my brows up questioningly. I'd hoped that they didn't see me be so unsure when he said that. Whatever Sanosuke was saying, he was putting himself on one hell of a rope for me. "I know this seems crazy to you..."

"Hold on, it's _yours?"_ one asked.

"Yes, mine. I was at the party that was decided to be dropped in upon. Obviously it was seen to be a children's party?" Sanosuke sighed and started to shuffle through some papers of his. "I have proper and up to date license on the handgun. I asked my friend, _my client_, to put it in a safe place so nothing would happen," he handed the paperwork over to the two officers. I looked to them with a bit of a smile on my face. I had never considered the fact that I had borrowed it from Sanosuke. I did consider, however, that the documents were fake. Fake or not though, they were the convincing sort of fake. "I'm sure there is nothing against having a friend hold onto it for a party? Through previous searches of the premises made, it is obvious this firearm was not in Mr. Himura's possession but in mine, as I have license to carry a concealed weapon. So, the charges are..?"

I zoned out shortly after that not wanting to hear all the legal hooplah. After a while Sanosuke took me by the arm and motioned for me to leave. A weight was pulled off of my chest, but I knew it was only because my friend, despite his idiotic moments, had thought things through.

I stood in the front of the station looking around at the few police officer's milling about and other people, possibly criminals, they were also hanging around. I went up to my wife who was sitting, waiting, for me. I hugged her tightly, looking over her shoulder toward the commissioner standing near the door the I had just come out of. He had this look on his face, a weird mix of pleasure and pain. He winked to me, an auspicious kind of wink. I felt my stomach tighten, but I kept my ground.

"Thank you Sanosuke," I turned toward the taller man. "You are one sly man."

"What do you think I went to school for? I didn't waste all that time to fuck up in the end." He laughed.

When we were outside he took me aside and said, "You need to be really careful. Saito's out for you man, and I mean out for you. I don't know what he thinks he'll get from you, but he thinks that there's something there. Look over both shoulders, if you can. And for the love of God Almighty, don't say a fuckin' word, or else."

"I didn't."

"Plead the fifth the entire way," he turned toward me, hugging my shoulders. "'kay?"

"I can do that."

"You sure?"

"I'm not incompetent."

Sanosuke laughed. "I hope not man...I hope not."

* * *

In June, around when my birthday was coming up, I was working in the kitchen once again. After the longest time I was the head of the kitchen, in control of everything that was going on. I was Hiko's eyes and ears anymore. Once I'd been considered 'trustworthy' I reported to him every so often about what was going on in the kitchen. He seemed to believe everything I was saying. There was a little less tension in the kitchen since he wasn't doing his normal walk throughs.

I was nearing the end of a late shift on the 9th. There were still several people out on the floor and we were working our hardest to try and keep up with the orders. I was preping some of the food where one of employees had called in sick.

"Lloyd! Hurry upon table five's order!" I called out. I had almost forgotten everything that happened at Kenji's birthday party the month before.

"I'll get it done quicker when Hiko gets a new stove!"

I shook my head and almost started to laugh. All of a sudden I looked up to the back door where the summer wind fluttered in unexpectedly. I put down my knife and picked up a clever almost protectively. There was a chicken ready to be cut up and fried, but anyone who knew me knew that I really wasn't one for cutting up the fowl.

"Himura," I heard. I didn't give the visitor the time of day, focusing on what was at hand. I looked up to Lloyd.

"Maybe it's the operator," I said to him, "because the stove is new."

The visitor was white haired and awful familiar. He sent a chill down my spine, though thankfully not a visible one. I brought the clever up and lopped the head of the chicken off. "I think we need to talk."

I pursed my lips. It was only a matter of time before the Yukishiro's tried to do something that fucked with the new agreement.

"I don't think we really need to," I said, using the clever to open up the insides of the fowl. "And if you can't really tell, I'm a little busy with something more than your petty arguments," I said, upturning my head to look at Enishi. He had approach the other side of the counter that I was working at. Her gave me this malevolent grin, but he said nothing to my, just watched.

The rest of the employees in the kitchen were watching the encounter between us, like they knew something was about to happen. "You're a little off your territory, if you don't remember where we drew our lines," I said, lopping off one of the chicken's legs, putting it in a pot that was sitting on the counter nearby.

"Well I know," he said in this faux excited tone. "There's nothing violent going on. We might as well chat. Like, how's my nephew?"

I slammed the clever down, lopping off the other leg and putting it in the pot. "Leave Kenji out of this," I said. "As far as the Yukishiro's seem concerned, he doesn't matter."

His hand was sliding across the counter, his fingers touching the blood of the chicken that was being cut at. I bounced the clever a bit, smiling to myself. If there was something I would expect, it would be that Enishi would lash out immediately. I threw the tip of the clever down on the sleeve of his shirt, breaking the cuff link as I did. "Get the fuck out of my kitchen," I roared, walking over to the stove that Lloyd was working at. "It's done. Put it on a plate and give it to Katsu," I said, motioning my old dish washing buddy as he came through the door.

"Look who's the one that's forgetting the rules," Enishi said, pulling the clever out of the cutting board. I turned around enough to watch him arch back and throw the clever past my face, clattering against the wall, the metal blade breaking from the handle. "It was your screw up you asshole!" Enishi said, charging over to me. The whole kitchen seemed to go in an uproar when he punched me across the cheek. A little blood well up in my gums, my hand covering the scarred cheek. "You and your boss can go to Hell! He has no goddammned idea what he's gotten himself into! Agreement? Well....I don't know anything about that. Words lie very easily..."

I caught his hand before he hit me again. He took the opportunity to turned me around, my back to his face. He pulled something out of his jacket pocket and put it around my neck. It was a cold metal, something that felt like a bike chain. I got one of my hands up far enough to dig part of it away from my neck, but the other side started to bite into my skin the harder he pulled. "This is what you get for fuckin' my sister around you worthless prick! She's dead because of you. Died of grief you believe that! Because you married that stupid little whore!"

I heard utensils dropping, and a drawer opening. Someone behind us cocked a gun faster than I could blink and put it to the back of Enishi's head.

"Let him go or I blow your brains out," I heard Katsu snarl. Behind him, from what I could see, was Sozo holding a caste iron skillet with both hands, him being close enough to strike the Yukishiro in the back of the head. I elbowed him in the kidney, forcing him to his knees and letting me out of his grip, falling forward. I coughed a bit, biting back the blood that was in my mouth. A bit of blood was trickling down my neck, but the bike chain was in my hand.

I turned around, the bike chain tight in both my hands. I had never wanted to whack somebody as much as I wanted to whack him at that moment. I lunged forward, pushing him to the ground, straddling him as I shoved the bike chain the front of his neck, pushing in his Adam's apple. "Don't you dare talk about Kaoru like that," I pushed harder, he didn't seem to be in pain, but I knew he was doing his best to hide it. Someone grabbed my shoulders and pulled me up, pushing me into the counter. Katsu and Sozo grabbed Enishi, each taking an arm, and started to drag him, kicking and screaming out of the kitchen.

I held my neck where I was still having trouble breathing. A new dishwasher named Yahiko Myojin, the one who had pulled me back, stared at me with these fiery eyes. "Are you alright Mr. Himura?" he asked. I knew he was going to get involved, and I knew that he was already fond of me. He was going to be like I was to Hiko, I could just tell, but at that moment I was at a loss of words.

"Go get Hiko," I said. He looked at me strangely. "Mr. Seijuuro. Tell him that I sent you, he'll let you in, promise."

He nodded, and I gained my composure as Sozo and Katsu came back. "He's on his way," Sozo said to me. "You alright?"

"I'm gonna kill that bastard," I hissed. Sozo grabbed my shoulder and made me look at him square in the eye before his hand hit my cheek. "What the hell was that for!"

"Cool down," he said to me. "You're not the one that needs to deal with this. Unless you want to risk Kaoru and Kenji's lives too," he said. I slumped against the counter breathing heavily, like a bull ready to charge. Hiko entered and I looked at him with the most pissed off look I could, and I showed him the bike chain lying on the floor.

He just sighed.

A/N: War sorta got worse didn't it? Well, till next time, KenSan out!


	15. 15

A/N: I've been getting in a writing mood...I guess that's a good thing huh?

_"To say that fire is dangerous is an understatement. It's more than dangerous. It's like a snake, it creeps up on you without you knowing it. It scares you, bites you on the leg and holds on. It doesn't matter if you're physically hurt or not, it still takes something from you whether it be pride, possession or life, if it comes to that. _

_"You tell your children to be careful around it, to not play with it because bad things can happen. Why are we worried about the children playing with fire? Children never do anything intentional when it comes to fire; it's the adults you have to worry about. But we don't think of that do we? We never think that it could be lurking around the corner, ready to bite us when we least expect it. You'd think after being bit so many times you would learn...but people never learn."_

_-Makoto Shishio_

* * *

**15.**

I hadn't gotten to know Yumi Komagata very well, but you didn't need to know her to _really _know her. She was pretty woman and she had this way of walking, this strut, that could stop a man in his tracks. Of course, everyone knew she was once an exotic dancer, at least every man knew she was. I could see the envy burning in some of my friend's eyes when Shishio came to one of the meetings with her hanging off of his arm.

"I don't get to listen in?" she asked, somewhat dumbly, as he ascended the stairs. He just gave her this wiley smile and closed the door. I was just ahead of him, leaning against the wall as if I were some kind of valet escorting the members upstairs.

"She's new," I said as he passed me.

"She's mine," he replied protectively. I furrowed my brows, curious as to why he would say that to me of all people. "What happened with you and that Yukishiro?" he asked me as we reached the landing, a sort of antechamber to the meeting room. I still had the bruises ringing around my neck where he'd tried to choke me with the bike chain.

"Nothing."

"It's not like you have to tell me what happened," he said, "at least not what happened in the kitchen. Everyone knows what happened there. I just want to know who you fucked with to make him that pissed off at you."

"I didn't fuck with anyone," I said, realizing that I was lying through my teeth. "He's still boiling able the past."

"Ah, the woman," Shishio snickered. He rolled his eyes and turned his back to me, but I could feel him smiling at the whole thing. I'd never really gotten along with Shishio, but I tolerated him enough to have a decent conversation once in a while. That was, of course, when his ego didn't get in the way of the conversation. "So, how is the woman anyways? She still untouchable because of you?"

"Not exactly," I said. He tried walking away from me, but I refused to let him. I grabbed his arm, pulling him back into a corner. Another member passed us, nodding his head to us. I waited until it was empty before I said: "He said she'd died and I don't if that's true."

"Do you really care?"

The look in his eyes had changed from amused to annoyed. I shrugged my shoulders and walked around in a circle, my hands in my pockets. "I don't know if I care or not," I said. "It was a long time ago but, she is the mother..."

"Is she?" he asked, raising his brows. "I thought little Kaoru was Kenji's mommy," he crossed his arms and leaned against the wall.

"She is but..." my fingers pinched the bridge of my nose and sighed. "I don't know what to do. My mind is going in ten million different directions, not to mention that I have everyone and their mother on my tail for God knows what reasons. I lucky I haven't went to prison yet," I was talking to this man as if he knew all the answers despite my mind telling me that he was slimier than a toad. The snickering came back much to my displeasure and I rolled my shoulders to try and get rid of it. I sighed. "I don't know if she's even dead, not to mention that..."but I stopped. I didn't want to say it, and I knew why I didn't want to say it. The words were stuck in my throat ready to tear right out. "I don't know what I'm saying."

"Keep going," he goaded.

"No, it's almost time for the meeting," I said, trying to put it on the back burner. It was a problem I could solve without getting the whole family involved. I trudged ahead, my hands in my pockets. Behind me Shishio lurked, much like a shadow. He was attached to me now and wasn't too willing to let go.

The meeting was a calm affair compared to previous ones, but the topic of discussion came up about Enishi attacking me. I shrugged it off calmly; I didn't want to be involved, but of course I couldn't help but be involved. I rubbed my neck where the bruises were, but I was aware that I held them with a certain amount of pride. My hand went up to the scar on my face, tracing along the cross shape. I thought of Tomoe, and of how she was the cause of it all. I winced, looking around the room. It wasn't the bruises or the scar. My heart hurt for the first time in a long time. The once held regret that I had, the fear of not knowing where she was after she disappeared had come back, itching its way up my throat. Of course, it could be said that it was indigestion, and I'm sure a doctor would have said that, but this wasn't something that a doctor could diagnose, only me.

"You okay?" Aoshi whispered to me. I nodded, my hand massaging my chest. It subsided as I let Tomoe slip further into my mind, but I knew it would return.

I didn't know where she was, if she was really dead, or if Enishi was just using anything he could to act out venegence. I couldn't be so apathetic about it as some could. My brows furrowed as I looked over to Aoshi, now disinterested.

As we descended the stairs I wasn't surprised to see Kaoru waiting for me at the foot of the steps. She smiled and took my hand, squeezing it. When I didn't respond to her, she walked in front of me curiously. "You alright?" I was so lost, thinking about Tomoe, I couldn't look at her straight. I did my best making eye contact and smiling, but I didn't think it was very convincing.

I couldn't just come out and tell her about Tomoe. All she knew was that Kenji wasn't hers, but she didn't know who the woman was that I had done it with, and that was just as well. I didn't want to bring any more horror into our home than I was already. "I'm fine, just starving."

"Well I hope you don't mind," Kaoru said, "but I stole one of your cookbooks before we left and me and the girls all cooked up some stuff from it."

"Smells delicious."

This was me and my wife, my Kaoru; the one I had pined over for years. She walked ahead of me, meeting up with the other women, chatting away. I stood back, looking at her as she leaned over the table, trying to dish the food onto a plate. My heart began hurting again. _This_ woman was the one that I was eternally in love with; _this_ woman was the one that I was suppose to worry about, suppose to protect and suppose to love with all my heart and soul and yet...my heart hurt for another. I wondered what cruel person would make me so confused about myself and about the people that I loved. I massaged my chest again, a few people's curious eyes looking at me.

"Daddy?" I heard. Kenji tugged on my pant leg. "Daddy are you okay?"

I reached down and picked him up, his hands reaching around my neck. Kenji was usually distant with me, or unconcerned. What could I expect though? This level of concern was unnerving. "Fine Kenji," I bounced him momentarily, feigning dropping him so he would laugh. He had sauce all over his face.

"I got a plate for you Ken," Kaoru held it out to me.

"I'm going to take it outside," I said, setting Kenji on the ground. He remained close to me, attaching to my leg the way he did when I first met him. "I need a little air, it's stuffy in here."

"Alright. I'll be out in a minute then," she replied, touching my shoulder warmly.

I went outside sitting on the side stoop, my plate in my lap. I wasn't hungry at all, in fact I felt queasy, especially when I looked at all the food that Kaoru had piled onto my plate. It was like she thought I was Sanosuke. Still, I tried to eat some of it to be nice. The door opened again, Kenji coming to sit next to me, a plate in his lap too. He didn't say anything but it was comforting to have him sitting next to me. "You guys talk lots," Kenji said finally, "what do you talk about?"

"Family stuff."

"Like parties?"

He was only four but he was pretty sharp. "Sometimes. We organize a lot of stuff."

"That's why the parties are so cool," Kenji said. "The thing that happened at my birfday, was that planned Daddy?"

"No, no it wasn't." I put down my plate and picked Kenji up, settling him in my lap comfortable. "What happened then was a lack of planning," I said to him. "It was something we didn't expect to happen, and don't want happening again."

"Are they bad people?" he asked. He was playing with the tie I was wearing, his plate discarded next to mine. Kaoru was standing beside us now, the door partially open. I leaned back against the siding of the house, sighing. How was I suppose to tell a four year old that the people that were there to protect the average citizen weren't ever going to protect him?

"Not really," I said. "They can be, but they're not, and I don't want you to ever think that alright?" he nodded vehemently, pulling on my tie.

"Come on Kenji," Kaoru held out her arms to the boy, "let's leave Daddy alone. Go talk to Grandpa Hiko okay?"

"But I don't wanna!" he whined. Kaoru let her arms fall to her sides. She picked up the plates and knelt down next to us. "I wanna stay with Daddy."

"You sure?"

He nodded again, and I could see where he was pouting at having to leave. Kaoru giggled, kissed us both and went into the house. Just as she went in, Shishio and Yumi came out, the woman hanging all over Shishio as if she didn't have a leg to stand on. "Well, I know this is a riot and all..."he said, as if he had to explain himself. "Himura, you mind switching rides with me?"

"Why?"

"I think the Feds are on me again, and I need something that looks family friendly."

"You forget to go to your P.O. again?"

He shrugged. I shifted Kenji from leg to another. He'd put his arms around my neck again, almost as if he were afraid. "You shouldn't bring the kid every time. He can be a nuisance."

"He hasn't harmed a fly," I retorted. "Besides, it's just family right?"

"Whatever you say. You gonna let me borrow your car or not?"

I stood up begrudged, but I wasn't going to deny him. I walked over to the car and unlocked it, pulling out Kenji's toys and the .25 I had under the front seat. I tossed they keys to him, and he gave me his. I walked back to the porch, and just as I was about to sit down there was an ear splitting explosion coming from behind. I fell down, Kenji nearly crushed beneath me, crying already. I rolled over, propping myself up on my elbows to look at the car. Both Yumi and Shisho lay on the ground, fire climbing high into the sky. People came rushing out of the house, running by me and Kenji. I cradled my son, crawling backward until my legs felt like working again. Heat was radiating around us, and Yumi was screaming bloody murder. She wasn't harmed but for the searing on her left arm, but Shishio was collapsed by the driver's side, barely anything recognizeable left of him. I tucked Kenji's face into my chest, trying to save him from the worst of it. He reached an ear splitting cry, and I couldn't blame him; I wanted to cry too.

* * *

It was almost a miracle that Shishio survived. At the same time, it wasn't, and I was aware of that. It was _my_ car, ergo, it was _my _fault. But of course it wasn't my fault, which the family understood whole heartedly. There would have been no reason for me to sabotage my own car, or think that Shishio was planning on borrowing it in the near future.

It was thoroughly inspected by some of our men, and it was revealed that a bomb had been rigged to go off the moment the ignition was turned.

I sat playing cards nearly a week later, Sanosuke sitting across from me, Aoshi to my right and Tsunan to my left. Yahiko was sitting around with us, seeing as we were using the floor of the restaurant, long closed up for the night, to play. He was going between the bar and the floor with glasses in his hands. I looked at him and reminisced. I'd never done this particular job (it always went to someone else, for some strange reason) but I could sympathize with him. He was trying his hardest to get on our good sides, probably because he hadn't mentioned that he was in deep water with the Yukishiro's as well. He didn't know we knew, but we had gotten in a few scuffles for his sake. We had to protect him, at least after Hiko had thoroughly interrogated him to make sure he didn't have any connections with the Yukishiro's that still stood.

We knew that his father had been killed by them for a reason unknown (because he insulted one of them, Yahiko had said, but I wasn't sure it was _that_reason exactly). His mother was wallowing away with grief and he was doing all that he could to try to make it easier for her. Switching sides wouldn't have been my first option, but with the way that he was talking, the Yukishiro's were taking every penny the Myojin's had and it barely paid for their interest on whatever debt that was owed, it was obvious that it was his _only_ option.

"You should go see him him Ken," Sanosuke tried persuading me. I lowered my head and looked at my cards, a dead hand. Tsunan was raising, leaving me to decide my move. I quickly folded, throwing my cards aside.

"How can I?" I asked. Yahiko was sitting at the next table over, an empty glass in his hand. He'd been drinking just like us, though I kept a sharp eye on him.

"It wasn't your fault," Sanosuke argued. "It had to be someone sneaking around the place. Someone who doesn't like you."

"That could be a million people."

"Don't think it would be the police," Aoshi said cooling, calling Sanosuke's raise. "They may do some stupid things but they wouldn't go so far as to blow up something could be evidence."

"I wouldn't totally say that," Sanosuke said. "Maybe that's what they're wanting us to think."

"It's probably Enishi, or one of his lackeys."

"Lackey; I don't see that dipshit getting his hands dirty," Sanosuke said, folding. Aoshi took the chips from the middle of the table after he'd won them away from Tsunan. "Look, I know you're trying to pretend that there ain't something going on, but whatever the hell you think is so important to hide better damn well be important or else," he said, as if he already knew what it was. "'Ey Yahiko!"

"Yeah?"

"C'mere," he said, motioning the boy over. Yahiko stood over Sanosuke's shoulders as he started to deal. "Take a good look at Ken and tell me what sparks your interest."

"Sano..."I said, half warning him, half laughing at him for being a fool.

"He's red headed."

"Wow, sharp," Sanosuke stuck out his tongue, visibly biting it at the boy. Despite this harshness, it was still something that was different from all of us. Most of the men I knew were dark headed; I stuck out obnoxiously. "Keep looking okay?"

I sat still, wondering what Sanosuke was game Sanosuke was playing. "He had a really cool scar."

"Really eh?" Sanosuke reached over, flicking my hair out of the way. "Hey you're right, would you look at that. Wanna know how he got it?" I look at Sanosuke with fervor and wondered if I had ever actually told him how I had gotten my scar. He was aware that was injured and then Tomoe had left, but I didn't think that I'd ever told anyone what had happened.

"Well..." Yahiko looked to me instead of Sanosuke. "If it's alright with Mr. Himura."

I lowered my head and picked up my cards. "There's no reason for him to know Sanosuke." I said, playing along with whatever weird thing that Sanosuke had cooked up.

"I don't see why not."

"It's my business," I said simply. I resisted smiling at the cards I had: a pair of aces as well as a king of hearts, a two of clubs and a queen of spades.

"Yeah well, it was our business when you walked in the restaurant looking like the living dead," Sanosuke said, adding a few chips to the pot.

"It looked worse than it was," I replied.

"When did you get it?" Yahiko pulled his chair up closer to the table. I skimmed over Aoshi and Tsunan, wondering if they were going to interject, but it seemed obvious that they were just as curious as Yahiko was, at least as to the 'why'.

"About five years ago," I said. "Can we get on with the game?"

"Oh, I fold," Tsunan said immediately, as though he knew what I had. I kept a cool demeanor still, giving Sanosuke occasional galnces of malcontent. Finally he said:

"I bet it has something to do with Tomoe," he said this affirmatively, as if it was already set in stone. "She wasn't at your apartment back when I was there."

I wanted to retaliate, to try and prove it wasn't true, but I knew the only thing that I could really do was lie. I lowered my eyes to my cards and stayed level headed. I pretended as if Sanosuke hadn't said anything to me, but the eyes of the others around me made it nearly impossible.

"If it did have something to do with Tomoe then it would explain why she was gone," Aoshi said coolly. "She did it to him then he threw her out," he said rationally. My fingers pinched the cards and my back straightened. I pushed a few more chips into the middle, raising the call. _I would never throw her out_ I said to myself_ she was my..._my what? I caught words every now and then of what the three were saying. Yahiko was sitting back and listening to the conversation, his eyes on me, curious to see how I reacted. Finally I slammed my hand of cards on the table, gripping the tablecloth as I stood up.

"It's none of your business!" I yelled, trying to refrain from being vulgar, but then, it just came natural: "I don't give a fuck what you think about her, or about me, or about anything that's happened! I don't care anymore!"

The words were more used to settle them than they were to try and make sense. The blank looks that my friends were giving me gave me assurance that I'd made my point. I let go of the table and walked away without another word, glancing back one last time as I walked out the door and toward Kaoru's car, one I had been borrowing for the time being. My stomach was queasy, and my heart was heavier than before. The ache came back.

"Ken!"

"Go away."

"Ken," Sanosuke put one of his hands on my shoulder. "Ken look, I was just joking around. I was just trying to have a good time, make some conversation."

I massaged my chest, my breath getting heavy. "I know your mad," he continued, taking my symptoms for this, "I'll shut up okay. I know Tomoe is one of those sore spots. I didn't mean to..."

I leaned against the car, my body weak and tired. My knees were starting to buckle on me, my heart racing. I didn't understand this. Was it sickness? I hadn't been sick in the longest time. I couldn't remember the last time I'd been ill, other than me being shot. "Ken, whatsamatter?"

"My chest," I said, heaving. "It's just...tight."

"Is your...arm hurting you or..?"

"I don't know, I'm just having trouble breathing," I said. It sounded like one big guilt trip, but I couldn't have sounded more convincing if someone started to choke me. Sanosuke pulled me away from the side of the car, opening the door and settling me in the driver's seat.

"Sit tight, I'll get a doctor or something."

"No, it's okay," I said, greedily sucking in breath even though it wouldn't go in too well. "I'll be...I'll..."my mind was going so fast I couldn't think. Everything was whizzing through it as though there were a thousand bees that had just gotten shaken.

"I'm taking you to the doctor."

I opened my eyes, and standing there next to Sanosuke I could swear I saw the smiling face, the shiny hair, the pallid skin...Tomoe looked as radiant as when I first saw her. It was as if time had turned back, as if it were allowing me a second chance and yet...I saw past it's facade. I lowered my face into my hands, tears bubbling in my eyes.

"Ken?" Sanosuke shook my shoulder. "Ken, what's the matter?"

"It's all _my _fault," I said, as though he understood. I couldn't utter much more. I just sat there, depressed as when Kaoru left, as when Tomoe left. I took the heaviest breath I could, and it seemed as though my chest had calmed somewhat. I didn't cry a weepy cry, but let it stream down my face, like rain. I tried to keep it covered as best I could, especially after hearing several more footsteps. Sanosuke sat next to me, trying to coax me into a conversation about I don't know.

"Mr. Himura?" I heard out of Yahiko. I glanced up. "I'm sorry," he said, "I shouldn't have brought it up."

"No, no," I said, wondering if maybe it was best that he did. "It's alright."

I looked beside Yahiko, and there she still stood, her hands at her waist as if she were a saint. She beamed at me, but I couldn't smile back...it was hard to...especially when I didn't know if she was really dead or not.

* * *

"What are we going to do about it?" Shinsaku asked. "We're not safe. If they attack Himura, they'll attack everyone else. We can stand by and watch this happen." He was fiery, but somewhat reserved because of his illness. I stood in the corner of Hiko's living room, curious about the same thing. Hiko pretended that I didn't exist, just looked toward Shinsaku with this strange mix of pity and understanding.

"The premises had already been vacated," Hiko said. "Any article that could incriminate us has been taken away. I'm going to have the Sagara's deal with the remainders. As for the attacks, I can't just meander my way into the situation, especially if I'm making accusations that may or may not be true."

"The son is the only one that would," Shinsaku said. "You know that well."

"You're ill," Hiko said sympathetically. "You shouldn't be dealing with these things. We can handle it from here on out. We'll be finding a new place to call home. I have Tsukioka scouting out a nice place. It won't take as long to get to either."

"Ill as I am or not," Shinsaku nearly roared, "I'm not going to sit around and let our people be maimed because you can't keep a tight reign on the Yukishiro's. As far as I'm concerned, you're no leader, it will always be Kogoro."

"Kogoro is dead," Hiko said, his voice turning icy. "You allegiance to me is your allegiance to this family. We can't dwell in the past, the times have changed."

Shinsaku rose up from his seat, obviously annoyed. "You'll see," he said, jabbing a bony finger toward Hiko, "you'll see eventually."

He then left, Hiko staying rigid in his chair. I walked out from the corner, taking the seat that Shinsaku had been occupying. Hiko was stone faced, seemingly unfazed. "What did you want?" he asked.

"I was wondering if you knew someone who was good at getting information."

"Are you asking a favor?"

"It has to do with To...the Yukishiro's," I said, barely catching my blunder. Hiko saw through my words.

"I know some people," he said, "but I want to be sure what I'm getting myself into." Even though he was my father sometimes it felt different.

"I want to know about Tomoe."

He sighed. "What about her?"

"I just want to know if she had indeed passed away."

Hiko looked at me with these sad eyes. "You're still lovestruck aren't you?" he questioned. I gave a wishy washy response with my head tilting to each side. "If you are, you need to get rid of those dumb feelings. You have a wife and a son to be caring for."

"You think I don't know that?" I asked. "This is why I want to settle this."

"Will knowing she's dead make you feel any better?" Hiko asked. "You'll just sulk about it if she is, and be confused if she isn't. You should honor you wife! That is one of the rules you must follow."

I lowered my head. "I am faithful! I do honor her. But if I don't know this, how can I? How can I go around confused? It only makes it look worse."

"I have enough problems dealing with the Yukishiro's," he said coldly. "I will not have you screwing things up again."

The words shot me, but I had to deal with it. It was Hiko's final decision. I got up from the chair, only to have him stop me just as I was at the door. "I want you to do something," he said. "For the family."

"What's that?"

"Ask Sano," he said, "he'll tell you."

I shook my head. Something told me that I really didn't want to know.

* * *

A/N: COnfusion...confusion....confusion....well till next time, KenSan out!


	16. 16

A/N: I've been in writer's block for Average honestly, and now that I'm out of it, I hope you all enjoy the chapter. I sure hope it'll be long enough.

* * *

_"For a long time, I always thought there was nothing that Mr. Himura could do wrong. But then, I always saw the good side of all the guys, even Sanosuke who had some of the most wild streaks I'd ever encountered. But, I guess everyone in this business has a little bit of infamy to them, some more than others. _

_"There was no reason that he meant to get caught, and I knew that after then he would make sure to watch himself. I wonder if maybe that was when he started changing back to Average Joe."_

_-Yahiko Myojin_

* * *

**16.**

Sanosuke didn't tell me what job we had to do immediately. All he told me was that we were taking a roadtrip to Philadelphia, which told me that we were after someone who had taken money and tried to run thinking that he was safe from the family. After a few hours in the car he told me that the guy was a numbers runner and that he had gotten a big winner and didn't feel like giving the winner their money. Which, really, upset us the most. We were at the service of the public, and the only thing that was worse than stealing from us the family directly, was to steal from the client.

We arrived in Philly late, and knew that it would be easier to get this guy under the guise of the night.

As we sat there, I couldn't help but think about two things: one of them was why I was here in the first place. Sanosuke was a top notch hit-man and didn't need my help to get this done quickly and silently. I knew, however, like so many times before, that I wasn't here because I was whacking the guy, but because I was influence.

The second thing I thought about was Tomoe, and how Hiko had denied me the right to know if she was dead or not. Maybe he was right. Maybe it was better that I let it slip away since it was screwing with me physically, but it was hard for her face to not haunt me. It seemed that when I least expected it, an apparition of her appeared before me, smiling, tilting her head to the side, walking towards me like she was ready to caress me, and then falling away just as her hands touched my face.

"'Ey," Sanosuke hit my arm, drawing my attention forward. We were parked outside of some sort of warehouse, or at least that was what it looked like. The most uncomfortable part was that it didn't seem like we were alone. I mean, I knew that the guy was going to be here, probably gambling away the money. At least he was smart enough to not head straight for Atlantic City of Las Vegas.

Sanosuke got out of the car. I followed shortly behind him, the both of us hidden in the shadow of the warehouse. The door opened. I heard Sanosuke cock his gun. Whenever it came to a true hit, something that he was paid exceptionally to do, Sanosuke always went for a semi-automatic handgun, something that could shell out the rounds, but could also be taken apart and thrown away so he wouldn't have something that incriminate himself.

Sanosuke didn't stop to catch his target off guard. Instead he kept walking until he could hit the man in the gut, the gun still in his hand. The man sputtered, but didn't scream, even as Sanosuke had him on the ground. I came closer and helped Sanosuke as he put the man in the back of his car, telling me to drive as he kept the gun shoved into the guy's side.

We went somewhere more desolate, somewhere that would should have been easy to beat the guy around and then dump him. I helped Sanosuke pull him out of the car, and watched as Sanosuke began to beat him within an inch of his life. Sanosuke had him backed up against the railing near the Delaware River, no doubt the place we were going to dump him when Sanosuke finished him off.

I got closer to Sanosuke, looking at the man's pleading features. "Himura..."he muttered out. I could barely understand him where blood was gushing from his nose and mouth. "I'ma...I'ma sorry...tell Hiko I'm..."Sanosuke hit him hard across the face.

"You already fucked up, don't go apologizing to Hiko. He wants nothin' to do with ya," Sanosuke pushed him harder against the railing, the gun in his stomach. That was when we heard sirens. "Fuck me."

"We need to go Sano," I said quietly. Sanosuke was very reluctant to do so, but understand that we needed to. He pulled back from the guy, shoving him hard against the railing, taking the wind from him. Just as it seemed like the guy had gotten off the hook, Sanosuke shot him in the knee, a cry of pain breaking through the air. I started toward the car, sitting in the passenger seat. I didn't know what Sanosuke said to him, but the man was cowering even more. No doubt Sanosuke threatened to kill him after the police were off his trail.

He got in and sped off, the police siren fading the further away we got. Sanosuke handed me the gun. "Break it apart."

I didn't need to be told twice. I proceeded to pull the gun into several pieces. We were still a little desolate enough. I rolled down the window and threw out the smaller pieces every mile or two until we reached town. I was left with the largest part, looking at Sanosuke curiously as he pulled into an all night gas station.

I got out, handing Sanosuke the piece. We went into the small shop. I watched Sanosuke lean against the counter, handing the man behind it five hundred dollars and the piece of the gun to get rid of. The man was more than happy to take the money.

I came up to the counter with two Cokes, paid for them, and left with Sanosuke, handing him one of them. It seemed like we had just gotten away with it. We drove home, getting back at the break of dawn. I wandered into my home, my wife and son still asleep. I collapsed on the couch, the empty Coke bottle in my hand.

I wasn't woken until sometime after noon. Kaoru seemed to understand that I had been out late and didn't see the need to wake me, even to go climb into out bed. I was awoken by the sound of a car door. The house was empty, so I could only deduce that she had left with Kenji, as if to let me sleep longer.

After I got up, I lingered around the house for a little bit before leaving to go into the city. I stayed out until seven o' clock, taking numbers. After I was finished I turned the numbers and the money I had taken in, coming home to find that Kaoru had just gotten home with some take out. I hadn't eaten since the night before (unless you count the Coke).

"Kenji's about to start kindergarten," Kaoru said in a whimiscal voice as we sat around watching television. She was nuzzled up against my chest, her nose in my side. "It's so strange how time goes by so fast." I didn't say anything to her, but flipped the channel instead. In response she tried to grab for the remote, and we ended up fighting over it. At the end of it, we ended up on the floor laughing at each other.

This was typical of anyone in the family. We didn't go out and do dangerous things like getting into gun fights or whacking members. We didn't do that sort of thing all the time. Yeah, occasionally it happened, which was what the movies often showed, but most of the time we sat at home watching television with the family. Then again, you can't make a movie about a guy sitting on the couch doing nothing, so I understood Hollywood stretching the truth a little bit.

Sanosuke came to me the next day. We sat around in my place, laughing and acting like nothing happened the night before. In the least, I didn't want Kaoru to know what had happened. She knew all the things that happened in the family, and she understood that sometimes these things had to be done, but I didn't want her to know that I was sometimes involved with those sorts of things.

When she walked away, Sanosuke batted my arm and said: "We gotta hit 'em tonight. We got him located and everything." Which didn't surprise me. I was about to ask a few questions when Kaoru came back in with lemonade. Sanosuke just gave me this look. I shook my head and laughed it off.

That night I got the surprise of my life. I was waiting for Sanosuke to come pick me up so we could finish the job. I didn't understand why I was needed the second night, but in the least I was with Sanosuke, and it gave me something to do. I told Kaoru that it would be the last time for a while, and swore on it. She kissed me good night and went to bed.

Just then someone knocked on the door. I didn't think anything of it. Sanosuke had said he was coming. When I opened the door, my heart sank through my chest.

The words 'you're under arrest' don't seem too real on television, but when you're lying on your stomach with one cop cuffing you and the other one reading you your rights, it becomes very real. That time I resisted. I didn't know, nor did I ask why I was being taken in. I just writhed to try and get away from them all the way until they put me into the car and started to take me away. I looked back, able to see Kaoru in the doorway. I imagine she was crying.

I was arrested, prosecuted and thrown in jail faster than I could blink. They had me and Sanosuke on assault charges. The man who we'd beaten up, a former member of the family, had a brother who was a Fed, and he ran to the Feds as quick as he possibly could. He had seen our faces.

We had our day in court of course. Sanosuke represented himself, naturally, but I had a good lawyer as well. At first, I was worried. The man had seen our faces, which was all the proof that they needed. But then, as I sat there thinking and talking it out with my lawyer, I came to realize that there was only so much the man could say. He sat in the comfort of a hospital bed (a place that Sanosuke cursed him to be in forever, since it was the closest thing to a coffin) all the while knowing that there was only so much he could say.

The thing about an assault charge is that the severity of the punishment all depended on the circumstances of the assault itself. When it was done, how badly the person was beaten, if it was planned or not, if there was a weapon involved, and much more. Sadly for us, all of that seemed to play against us. But Sanosuke seemed to be able to fight his way out of it, and my lawyer used the same defense that Sanosuke did. For one, the crime took place at night. Though the man said that it was we who beat him, there was no way he could be so sure. We looked close to what he thought, but there was always chance for him to be in the wrong. Secondly, even if he had a bullet wound, neither of us had a gun that could have caused the wound, and the police hadn't found even one piece of the weapon. Lastly, he couldn't say that he was associated with the family, so he couldn't incriminate himself while he incriminated us. It was an isolated incident, or so it seemed.

That being said, there was one thing that went against all the circumstantial evidence-that being that we were part of an "organized crime syndicate" to quote the prosecution.

The jury had time to hand on these things. I prayed that I would be let go, but there was something in me that wasn't going to happen. Despite the circumstantial evidence, I had a feeling that both my and Sanosuke's association would work against us. And it did.

We were sentenced to five years. Of course, that didn't bother me as much. we had the corrupted system on our sides. Sure, we would be in jauk for a few years, if that, but after some time, if we played our cards right, everything would lighten up.

While we waited, however, we were plagued by the fact that we were in with some of our worst enemies, especially the Yukishiros. I'm not saying that they fucked with us, or we fucked with them, but in the end there was a man who ended up dead. It wasn't for sure who did it, and honestly, the guard at the prison did little to investigate, but I could smell Sanosuke all over it. Someone had pushed him a little too far.

While incarcerated, Kaoru visited as often as she possibly could and she brought Kenji with her. She would bring in some contraband under her coat, but the guards never really cared. And even if it was serious, I had curried enough favor with them that they wouldn't mess with me. During those meetings, Kenji would babble to me about things that were going on. The one thing I was ashamed of was the fact that I missed the chance to take him to his first day of school, and then be able to go pick him up and ask him how his day was. Instead I got a summary of it when they came next.

Kenji would sit in my lap and tell me about school, and about the other kids. He didn't seem to be very good at dealing with other kids. He was small for his age, something that he had gotten from his Daddy. I told him that if anything happened that Daddy would be on his side. He seemed to settle after that.

I got out after two years. They said it was because of "good behavior" which said to me that it was a lot of good leverage.

Kaoru was waiting outside for me, Kenji in the back seat of the car. I hugged her like I hadn't been able to see her during the entire stint. I hugged her so tight I was afraid I might have cut off some of her circulation. Afterward we got in the car.

"How's Sano? she asked me like she did every time she saw me.

"Fine," I replied. There was no one willing to stand up to Sanosuke, even if they thought about doing. "He'll probably get out soon too," I said, not knowing that he would get out a week after I did.

"You hungry?" she asked. "We haven't had lunch yet. Thought maybe you'd want something."

"A burger sounds wonderful," I said, laughing. She nodded and drove on.

She wouldn't stop talking, as if I hadn't been listening to her when she was coming on a weekly basis. She told me about the job that she had gotten (and now quit) since I'd been gone. I knew that she had a lot of reserve money in our bank account, but knowing Kaoru, she was unwilling to touch it unless it was an emergency. She got a job as a receptionist instead of using it.

All the while, as I sat listening to her, I couldn't help but think about some information that I had learned. I hadn't asked anybody any questions, certainly not the questions that I wanted answered, but somehow it just came up. I ended up learning about Tomoe, and how she died. She didn't quite die in the fashion that Enishi had said, but I was still left to wonder. Instead of pining away, she was a slave to her own desires. She kept going on her habit, trying all the new things that came out. She ended up dying on her high, or so it was believed since they found so much in her system. I could only wonder if maybe it was a response to that one night. My hand ran over the scar on my cheek. Tomoe was once such a beautiful woman. She had class, and seemed so perfect. In her time she was had fallen madly in love, twice, and lost it both times. She had a child that she couldn't keep, and ended up dying living off what she believed she couldn't live without. It was strange to believe that she once was so powerful that she could have anything she wanted. All she had to do was point and it was hers.

"You alright?"

"Huh?" I looked to Kaoru. We had pulled up to a drive in eatery for something. "Oh, fine. I was just thinking is all."

"You probably haven't had a burger in a while," she said, "at least not one this good."

"All American," I said, smiling.

It went quiet for a few moments before she asked: "Nothing happened did it?" This was one of those questions that sh easked me everytime she came in. I shook my head.

"No, nothing happened."

Kaoru, appropriately, was concerned about me becoming sodomized by somebody, and then ending up being their bitch for the length that I was in there. "No one's ballsy enough," I added. It may have sounded like me being a little too prideful, but I knew it to be true. No one ever approached me with that kind of proposition, but I knew it they did, Sanosuke would have ended up killing the person who did. It was the one good thing about having him one your side.

* * *

It was 1980. I had missed two years, and it seemed like the air on the outside had changed. It was already June, and was getting close to my birthday. It seemed like my world was crumbling around me. There hadn't been anything bad happen to our family while I was gone, but it seemed that others were having trouble.

Henry Hill had been arrested in May for drug possession charges. He was part of the Lucchese family, you might know him for his partial association with the Lufthansa heist. Earlier in the year, a don in Philadelphia, Angela Bruno, had been killed. It seemed like things like these were more publicized than before. It seemed like the outside world was ever more interested in what we were doing, the problems that we were having, and they wanted to know what they could do to find a way to get rid of us. I wondered why the public, who always came to us when they wanted to cut corners, was now trying to do us in. It crossed my mind that they were trying to make themselves seem more noble than they actually were, but it also crossed my mind that while they pretended that they were going to do something, they were instead going to make it look like they were doing something, and in the end it'll have been too hard for them, so it's easier just admit defeat and then reap the reward. After all, we weren't going to deny them.

Kaoru threw a grill out for my birthday, which meant that the entire family was over. Sanosuke got out just in time for it to be a whole gathering. For the most part, I sat in a lawn chair and watched everyone else. I just wanted to relax. It felt like every nerve in my body was harried, like I could do nothing to lay low and feel normal.

Hiko came up to, offering me a beer. I took it. He sat next to me, looking around at all of the people as if to warn them not to come near.

"You alright?"

"Fine."

"You look awful."

"I'm just tired," I said. "I found my answer."

"Figured you would," Hiko said. "Does it make you feel any better?"

I had to look at him. He chewed slowly, a hot dog in his hand, and he seemed to examine the world. He always did this. He was fully committed to your conversation, and at the same time, looking at everyone else. "I don't know. It's good to know she's resting somewhere I guess."

"It's not your fault."

"I know."

"Then why are you blaming yourself?" he asked taking another bite of the hot dog. He looked at me this time. He looked seriously, but he seemed to have this playful look on his place, like he had the answer. "You shouldn't. You didn't know where she was, what she'd been doing unchecked. She just died. It happens," he shrugged.

"How did it feel when your son died?" I asked, wondering where it had come from. I remembered back to seeing the picture on his mantle. The one where he was with his wife, his baby son in his arms. It was next to my high school graduation picture. He sighed. "It feels about like that. Whatever it was, it wasn't your fault. But you feel like you could have done something to stop it. That's how I feel. Except maybe not as strong. It's dull, in my heart. But I have Kaoru, just like..."and I paused when I looked at him. "Just like you have me." I finished. He took the last bite of the hot dog and wiped his hands.

"Yeah, I guess." He said in his usual stoicism. "Look, you might want to lay low cause of all this."

"I know."

"The guy's been dealt with by the way. He had way too much information, too close to the Feds."

I nodded. As I stood up, Kaoru calling out that I needed to open presents, Hiko stopped me, his hand on my chin. "You haven't been doing anything have you?"

I was confused. "Doing?...what?"

"You're nose is bleeding," he said. I pulled out, taking out my handkerchief and wiping the blood away.

"It's been happening for over a year," I said. "Started sometime last spring. And no, I'm not doing cocaine, if that's what you're asking."

"You should see a doctor then," Hiko suggested. It was unlike him to suggest anything like that, unless he had reason or actually gave a damn. I went for the later.

"It's probably just frequent nose bleeds or something. The air in there was stale, and the air outside is stiff. I'll be fine," I said, wiping it all away. I didn't mention that my heart was racing. Hiko nodded, pushing me along toward the patio where Kaoru had all the presents lines up. People started singing to me off key, and I laughed like old times. They clapped me on the back, telling me I was a great guy. Inside I knew I had some sort of credit with them now, for serving my time and coming out in one piece.

That night, before me and Kaoru got busy, as we seemed to be doing anymore, she came up to me out of the bathroom. "I've been saving my present," she said to me. "I think you'll really really like it."

"What's that?" I asked, a wily smile on my face. She blushed a little, looked down to her feet, and then back up at me.

"I'm pregnant."

* * *

A/N: Dun dun duh! Heehee...again sorry for the wait. I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Till next time, KenSan out!


	17. 17

A/N: Welcome, welcome...I wish to continue this little story, if you life...so here we go!

* * *

_"The whole faction of the police that were devoted to capturing and putting a stop to the end of the two families were getting to the end of their ropes. They were getting tired of taking pictures, of having too much evidence that led nowhere. They were tired of the whole charade. The only useful evidence we got was from one of our two field agents, and he was more in it for the fame than anything else. But even the evidence that he turned in seemed more like he was giving us dust off the body than the body itself...we just had to keep biding our time."_

_-Cho Sawagejo_

* * *

I was ecstatic at Kaoru's news and knew that I needed to tell the family. I figured, appropriately, the first person that I should go to should be Hiko. Anymore, Hiko wasn't in his office at work. The work as our head seemed to be swamping him. He was all over the country anymore, which was something he hated. It was he, however, that refused to create a base for his affairs. He felt that would paint a target on both him and the family, and he didn't want to put us in anymore danger than we were already in. Besides, he was a businessman wasn't he? He was suppose to travel.

I had heard the he was using a fake ploy of trying to "expand" the restaurant as a reason for his travels, but it was obvious he was having talks with not only other family heads in other cities, but also he was mingling with the political elite. This was something he did, not out of enjoyment, but out of interest. He'd always been interested in politics, but Kogoro had never put it as a first and foremost item on his "to do list". Hiko, on the other hand, felt that if there men in his back pocket, it would let the family breath easier.

I arrived on his porch step early in July. I had brought him a small gift, almost like a home warming gift because it had been awhile since he was actually at home relaxing.

I knocked on the door, listening for him to bellow out. When he didn't, I knocked again. I knew he was home. His car was in the driveway, so I wondered what was keeping him.

The door opened, I'izuka popping his head out. "Oh, I thought you were someone else."

I raised a brow. "Someone...else? Who else would come calling to his home?"

"Takasugi's been persistent," I'izuka said. "Come on in. He's just in the living room."

I was somewhat worried that Hiko had gotten sick, or his heart was giving him trouble since he didn't bother to answer the door himself. These thoughts were whisked away when I saw him sitting on the couch, his feet propped up on the coffee table, and what looked to be some sort of legal document in his hand. "I'm not interrupting anything am I?" I asked when seeing Sozo sitting in a chair opposite of Hiko.

"Not at all," I'izuka assured me. "Just curious, were you followed?"

Now I got it. I'izuka and Sozo were a front for Hiko, and they were playing as middle men for him while he sat at home. It meant that he didn't need to go outside and the police didn't have a chance to photograph him, if they were around. Lately there had been unmarked cars following us. Though we were all aware that it was entirely possible for any normal citizen to be following us, it seemed very impossible that they would be going to some of the places that we were, unless of course it was a restaurant.

"Nothing was behind me," I said.

Hiko finally looked over to me; the document now lay discarded on table. I found it almost hilarious that he was wearing glasses now, but it was only for reading and nothing more. He took them off and folded them in his lap. "What brings you?" he asked.

"I bear gifts," I laughed out, setting the "gift" on the coffee table. "It's a cake. Thought I'd be nice."

"Something brings you," Hiko said, prying open the cake dish. I'd made a neat little chocolate cake. On top of it, along with some coconut shavings, was a small piece of paper. Hiko smirked, pulling it off and reading it quickly. "Miami huh?" he asked, crumbling the small piece of paper in his hand. He glanced to Sozo and I'izuka, motioning for them to leave.

"I think I should stay," Sozo said. I'd long since figured him to be Hiko's _consigliere. _He was often a part of many of the meetings with Hiko. When Hiko glanced at him once again, he got the message that he should leave. The two of them wandered back through the house and onto the back porch, like a watch.

"They've been around a lot," I commented.

"I never thought I'd need protection," he said quietly, "but times change."

"Are there snipers hanging around or something?" I laughed. I went into the kitchen, bringing out a knife and two plates. It didn't surprise me that Hiko had swiped his finger through the icing before I got back. "Yeah, seems like Miami's the place," I said. "It doesn't surprise me. All the lords are down there. Colombians, Cubans," I untensed my shoulders, cutting the cake. "Dirty business. I don't like being a part of it."

"You haven't gone to the doctor yet have you?" he asked. I put my hand to my nose, just to make sure it wasn't bleeding. "Figures. You never take my advice."

"That's a lie," I rebuked. "I take your advice all the time. The nosebleeds have stopped. There's no need for me to go to the doctor."

"You could just talk to Sagara's wife."

I sighed. Mortality was always on Hiko's mind. "I'm alright. I won't die of a nosebleed. I promise."

He just hummed in his auspicious way. Afterwords, we sat back and ate slowly, my eyes wandering around the home I hadn't resided in for so long. Everything was in it's place, as Hiko's tidiness made it. On the mantel there were still the same pictures, like the one of him and his wife and son. I always wondered what had become of her. Though I was aware they divorced, I was always curious as to why Hiko never brought her up. He had mentioned that the divorce was civil, but that didn't really tell me anything other than he was choosing to avoid the conversation.

"Guess those years really amounted to something," he said, setting the empty plate on the table. "I'm glad I slapped some sense into you."

I didn't want to be reminded. "I have some good news," I said, putting my half eaten piece of cake down. "Kaoru told me. She says she's pregnant."

"Took you two long enough," he folded his feet under him. "When did she tell you?"

"After you guys left," I met his eye, something I wasn't fond of doing, and I could sense a little distrust in him. I knew Hiko to be a skeptic, but in this, I couldn't believe that it was impossible for him to just be happy for me. "What's the matter?"

"You were out what? Three weeks? It's either a fluke or she's seeing someone else," Hiko said. He turned his eyes away from me, his gaze seemed occupied elsewhere, no doubt at the conversation being had between Sozo and I'izuka outside.

"Maybe it is a fluke. Or...maybe we're just that good. In any case, she hasn't got her flow since I've been home, so I think it's pretty safe to assume that it's true. And she doesn't even look it, so maybe I just got her at the right time"

"It's an awful lot of 'ifs'," Hiko said. "She's a good girl, I'll put a little faith in her.'

I smiled. "Well, thanks. That makes me feel a little better," I kept looking towards the pictures, and I noticed that in the picture I'd seen so many times of Hiko and his wife, I had really noticed that man that stood a little bit away from them. I could clearly see it, however, as being Katsura Kogoro. "When did you meet Katsura?" I asked. I knew them to be childhood friends, but never much more than that.

"Around 1935 when we were still young. We were both trying to find work for our families. We sold things like pencils and apples to make a few nickles," he said. "What's that got to with anything?"

"I've just, never really asked any questions."

"It's better you don't."

My lips down-turned. "Why's that?"

"The less you ask about a person, the less you know. That way you can make up for want you don't with something that's a little more meaningful and worthwhile." He gave me his gaze again. "I didn't know much about Katsura either, just as he didn't know much about me. We trusted each other and our decisions that way. It's how I got into this whole mess," he said.

"Mess?"

"This," he waved his hand around. "At the time we were just kids. But during the Depression we were...well...tired of being depressed and about hearing our parents gripe that they had nothing. At first we did it just to get out of the house. Mostly favors for a few dollars, but that fed the family for over a week. After a while, we grew accustomed to being around these guys. Things like Murder Inc. didn't scare us. Katsura was really good at being a leader and had a sort of "gang" by the time he was fifteen. Some of the guys who were in his crew were older than he was, and still taking orders from him."

"Was the...family established by Katsura?"

"No; they'd been around since the 1890's," Hiko said affirmatively. He unfolded his feet from under him and leaned forward, his elbows on his knees. He didn't talk about these things much.

"If you don't like people to know about you then why are you telling me this stuff?"

"Because history's a very important thing," he said. "You learn from you're mistakes. Like I'm sure Sano's learned from this past act," he said. I didn't know if Sanosuke had or not. I think he was just aware of the fact that he could screw up and accepted it, making sure to shut his trap when the time came. "I was a part of his crew too. We sort of, ran it together since Katsura didn't like being left behind. His crew was noticed by some of the higher rank members. Most of us were made by the bosses."

"Made," I repeated, thinking about how I couldn't be. I wasn't entirely sure of why, but I think it was because my heritage was wrong. In the least, I knew Hiko and Katsura were both full blooded. "And after?"

"It's a food chain," he said. "The better you make yourself the better you become. Some guys find there niche in being shys or runners. Katsura liked to lead I guess. He never actually tried to take over. It happened instead. He had this strange calmness that coincided with malevolence. He never tried to hurt anybody, but knew how to get what he wanted. He was the boss by '62 and I was his right hand man."

I didn't really mean to get all the information that I did. Hiko spilling his guts wasn't something I was use to either. But I knew that the more I acted like I didn't really mean to ask or be the way I was, the more information that I would get.

"So...what...you were in it for the ride?"

He shrugged. "Like I said. It was for the money first. After that, it was for the opportunity, and after that, it was being institutionalized," he said, creating a darkness about his voice. "It's a strange prison to be in. We trap ourselves in our violence. We treat death like it's a friend, and we make up ways to make that friend get further away. I pity Sano for being trapped as far as he is."

"We can get out," I said.

"Sure. With your tail between your legs, changing your name. Reforming. It's hard to live a different life once you've had everything handed to you," he said. "I don't regret being here though. Though I would prefer the solitude I once had in my office."

Hiko was that guy you could see behind a desk just because you knew that was where he belonged. I gave a shallow smile. "You're probably busy," I said, standing up. "I should go."

"Are you scared?" he asked, his words haunting from when I was fifteen years old. I turned to look back at him, and somewhere I still felt like a fifteen year old nobody, still washing dishes in the sixties.

I shook my head, and he sighed. I remembered what he had said to me back then, when I had been frightened by his outburst against the waiter, Tobias. I remember that he told me it was good that I was frightened, and that I was surprised that I'd been able to admite it. He said I still had my humanity. I wondered if I did now. My heart was almost spasming thinking about the things that he'd just spoke about, but it wasn't really out of fear, just out of wonder.

"Enjoy the cake," I said, and took my leave.

* * *

I took pleasure in being able to take my son to school every morning. For a few months I sat comfortably because I knew I was doing nothing illegal. Maybe a little association with those that I wasn't suppose to be with, but it wasn't anything that a P.O. could get me for, at least, nothing that they could see.

Kaoru was three months along; it was the real deal when it happened. I had just gotten lucky with her the night that I came home. We'd been to the doctor and everything, it all seemed right and in order. But I never really thought that there could ever be anything wrong in the first place. Hiko was a skeptic, and I could see why, but it was more or less because of the timing. I would be concerned too, if I were my own parent.

I was happy.

Of course, as time would often prove, happiness needed to be taken as it was given, and only in that instant. It took a woman nine months to create this creature fully, and it took time to get it out too. Kaoru was only at three months, and I'd become faintly aware of the fact that she was always a bit of a target.

I didn't immediate freak out. There was only so much that someone could get away with. I was home so often that it was like I wasn't associated with anyone. I could keep my eye on her as she milled about the house. I would go with her to the grocery store, or to the department stores where she started to get a few maternity clothes. And even when I was at work, I would call her frequently, or she would call me. None of the guys saw it as anything bad. They just thought I was a little overprotective.

I told them: "Hey, it's my kid, I'm going to be overprotective," and that shut them up.

One day, I called her and she didn't pick up. Again, I didn't immediately freak out. It was around Halloween, and as it was often proved, Kaoru was always out putting up decorations. Out house was _that_ house. We were the ones that always had a few too many little attractions, but in the least, we got rid of all our candy. I figured that she was out putting up decorations. I waited about an hour.

"'Ey, Ken! Shouldn't your wife be calling?" someone called out to me. I turned around, looking at the phone that hung on the back wall. I looked to the clock above it. She tended to call everyday at two. She knew that was the best time for me since the lunch rush had finished and we were working mostly as in-betweeners just getting everything else ready for the dinner rush.

"Yeah," I said. I walked over to the phone and dialed.

It rang a few times, but Kaoru never picked up.

Now, I was freaking out. I walked out of the kitchen and toward Hiko's office. It was one of the few days that he was actually at the office. I knocked on the door and entered. "Hey, I'm gonna go home real quick," I said. He glanced up at me.

"Why?"

"I think there's something up with Kaoru. I'm worried."

Hiko looked up to the ceiling, contemplating, and then nodded. "Come back when you find out she's just snoozing or something," he said, laughing to himself. I left his office, pulling off my coat as I went back into the kitchen. I hung it up and walked out the back entrance, revving up my car and leaving the place. I had a bad feeling in my stomach, but I thought that might have been gas since there was a little bit of pressure.

I got home, and nothing looked too out of the ordinary. I got out of the car, pulling out my keys ready to unlock the door. I told Kaoru to always leave the door locked, so that she was safe. I was about ready to put them in the lock when the wind blew, and the door shook open. I pressed my hand against it, the door gliding in. There were scuff marks where the lock was.

I rushed through the house. "Kaoru!" I yelled out. "Kaoru, honey, where are you?"

There were muffled sounds coming from the bedroom. I marched through the house and opened my bedroom door. Kaoru was curled up on the floor, her hands grasping her night gown. "Kaoru, Kaoru what's wrong?" I knelt down next to her.

"Ken-Kenshin," her eyes pleaded to me. I turned around swiftly, looking where the door was closing itself.

"You're so predictable Himura," Enishi cackled out. "Coming to your little whore's rescue."

I gently picked Kaoru up, noticing that she seemed a little weak and pale. I didn't put it past Enishi to terrorize her, but I feared there was something else that was wrong with her. "You leave Kaoru out of it!"

"Sure, I'll leave her out of it like you left Tomoe out of it!"

I set Kaoru on the bed, touching her stomach. She winced, but I didn't notice then. I looked over my shoulder to Enishi, backing up slowly toward the dresser where I had a few things hidden away. He lunged at me before I could get to the dresser. I grabbed him at the shoulders, but he still backed me against the wall. I still rested my hands against his shoulders. I grabbed the lapels of his jacket and threw him to the ground, stumbling a little bit. I went over to the wall across the room, grabbing an antique katana off the wall. Unsheathing it, I threw the sheath to the ground, pointing the weapon at Enishi. I had no idea how to use the weapon, but I was in danger, and it was best viable option.

For a moment, I allowed myself to look over to Kaoru who laid relatively still. That was when I noticed the blood that had began seeping from between her legs. Anger boiled up in me. I ran forward, brandishing a sword that I wasn't even sure was sharpened. It didn't matter. I struck Enishi in the shoulder as hard as I could, assured that even if the blade was not sharpened, that the blunt edge itself could do damage. He immediately gripped his shoulder as I pulled back.

His arm hung limp at his side. He began charging at me again. He hit me so hard that the air was pushed from lungs, and I was once against pinned to the wall. This time he had his hand at my throat. He brought up his near useless hand, gripping my throat. I dropped the sword. I could feel myself being pushed up the wall, a painful ripple going through me.

The only thing about Enishi being in the position he was in, was that he couldn't see Kaoru as she crawled off the bed, being as quiet as she could, and go for the dresser drawer that I hid anything lethal in. She opened the drawer slowly, all the while, I tired to make sure I was still getting oxygen to my brain. I began banging my heels against the wall, hoping that maybe that would keep my awake, because it certainly wasn't helping my situation.

Kaoru brought herself to a standing position, her hands shaking as her pointed the gun at Enishi. She pulled back the hammer. Enishi let me go. "What the..?" he turned around and looked at Kaoru, a spark of fear in his eyes. I searched his person for a place he might hid a pistol, like a shoulder or ankle hostler, or even in the back of his pants. He reached around for it in his pants, pulling up his jacket.

"Low-life sonofabitch!" I cried out, knocking into his legs. He was caught off guard, his hand falling off the gun. "How dare you hurt my wife!"

His heel came back, striking me in the face. Blood started pouring down my lip.

"You don't have enough guts to pull that trigger," Enishi said. He saw her lip quivering, her eyes twitching. I could see the color drain from her, and one strand of blood run down her calf. "How old are you?"

"What does that have to do with anything?" I asked.

"Well, sweetheart? How old are you?"

Kaoru, though hesitant, answered: "Twenty-four."

He smirked. "If you leave now, you might survive," he said to her softly. Kaoru never lowered the weapon, but the look on her face was uncertain. "Maybe you'll get smart and get away from this schmuck like Tomoe did. You'll save yourself a lot of trouble."

Kaoru never faltered, and I finally stood, putting my arms around Enishi to hold him. He elbowed me in the side before I could get a good grip, and finished by striking me over the head. He walked out of the room, a gun still pointed to his back, and I was left to wonder why he was leaving at all. For some reason, despite it all, I couldn't make myself follow him, and Kaoru couldn't bring herself to pull the trigger.

I took Kaoru to the hospital, fearing for her life as she began to grow paler and weaker. She spent three days, mostly as precaution, but nothing could be done to help the baby.

She had a miscarriage.

For the days after she came home, she sat silent, staring blankly at the house. I told her that it wasn't her fault and that would could try again. She just looked at me tiredly and said: "We should move."

"Kaoru," I hugged her tightly. "I'm so sorry."

She put her chin on my shoulder. "I'm sure you are," she whispered. I tightened my grip on her, biting the shoulder of her shirt.

* * *

When the news of this reached Hiko, he was outraged. To me, it looked like he was a candle that could no longer be contained in its jar. He was most outraged by the fact that Enishi had broken boundaries, and not only that, was low enough to actually attack a woman, and not come out straight foreword and attack me.

I told Hiko I would do anything to get Enishi back. He stopped me. "Two wrongs don't make a right," he said, which was simple wisdom. I was still angry, too. "It wouldn't matter if you did anything anyways," he continued. "Enishi disappeared shortly after the incident. We think he's hiding from the police."

"What'd he do?" I asked.

"We're not sure," he said. "Believe me, when he'd found him, something will be done."

Somehow, I didn't think Enishi was ever going to be found. Sure it was a coincidence that he had vanished, supposedly because of pending charges, but I knew better by now. I looked around at my colleagues, I looked at Hiko, and at Sozo and Sanosuke, and I had to wonder silently to myself for a while.

* * *

A/N: Well, till next time, KenSan out!


	18. 18

A/N: And on we go

* * *

_"Aoshi was always my friend, even through rough patches. I guess you could say...I trusted him more than I trusted most men. I trusted him more than Kaoru sometimes. I know that sounds dangerous, but it's true. _

_"The trouble was no one really saw this trust, since it was more of a nonverbal thing than anything. Then one night he called me late, and I wasn't sure why, and I had an awful feeling inside."_

_-Kenshin Himura_

* * *

"One of our accountants..."Hiko grit his teeth.

It was now 1982. Kenji was eight years old and hard as hell to control. It sometimes felt like I could so nothing to control him, and it seemed like sometimes there was nothing that could appease him. At the same time, Kaoru had changed on me. From the time she miscarried, she seemed a little less energetic than she usually was. Eventually her fervor for life came back, but it wasn't the same. We argued sometimes, and they were over little things that bothered her. She no longer made effort to have any children, and often she took as many precautions as she could to keep it from happening. I knew, somewhere, that it was my fault. If I hadn't messed with Enishi, then he wouldn't have messed with Kaoru.

"What the fuck is happening..?" Hiko looked around at everyone, his brows furrowed.

I folded my hands in my lap calmly. I never kept my money with "our accountants" because I always thought it was too risky. The only bit of my money of mine that was mixed with theirs was the money that Hiko took when I was sixteen and invested. I had no cause to be alarmed by the statement of "our accountants" selling us out after just leverage with the police. If I wasn't associated with the money, then I had no reason to be afraid.

I wiped the sweat off of my brow, and looked to the hot spring we were having. The new place that we met at wasn't as well ventilated as other places, and I was always sweating. It was also where I would get nosebleeds the most, which also made it the place that I was berated the most.

I went to Megumi after a while, just so that Hiko would stop telling me to go to a doctor. I walked into her clinic one day, and it only took one look from the nurse before I was urged back into one of the examination rooms where Megumi was. She gave me this weary little smile and told me to sit. It was obvious that Hiko had already told her about what was going on, and it seemed like she was ready for anything for when I actually came around to her.

She did a small work up on me, and through all of that, it only proved to be the weather that was the cause of the ailment. Hiko begrudgingly excepted this as truth, but he told me that it was unnatural for it to have started randomly while I was in prison. He told me that it was my punishment, even after I was out of jail, for more than just the assault, but for my straying ways. I didn't attempt to argue with him. I got tired of explaining my relationship with Tomoe.

"Are they trying them together?" Sozo asked. He was like me. He didn't pool his money either.

"As an organization, yes," Hiko replied.

He'd already went through the preliminary hearing, since his money was along in the pool, but he'd posted bail. "So the question is...why'd the accountant suddenly turn into a turncoat?" Sozo said aloud. It was what we were all thinking. "What could the police possibly offer him that would be better than a large client?"

"Immunity, probably," I'izuka said. "What's also the question is how the police even knew he was our accountant. There's more than one turncoat. There has to be."

I lowered my head and rubbed my temples. I could feel a headache coming on. These meetings annoyed me anymore. I'd begun to find blame in them for their own problems. It was their own sloppiness in this more technologically advanced era that was causing all their faults. Most of the men, Hiko included, were use to a simpler way of doing things, and believed that the police would always be none the wiser. But the police were getting ahead of them, and they didn't seem to want to admit that fact.

When I kept thinking about it, the more they kept saying that there was a turncoat, and most specifically, it was I'izuka who enjoyed saying it, or at least, stating the fact, the more I was looking at all of my comrades, a scope on, feeling as though I knew something they didn't.

Of course, that might have been because I did know something they didn't, but I didn't plan on telling them anytime soon. Really, I didn't know all that much, but what I did know was that, if they ever found out what I had been doing, I was dead meat.

Let me start first by saying that I had nothing to do with the magical blabbing accountant, that was merely coincidence. No, I was more of a selective informant, if you could put it that way. I never meant any harm within my own family, but I was tired of knowing that the police were looking at us and the other families in great detail, and feeling like I was the only one that could see it. Of course I wasn't, but that was beside the point.

It happened nearly a year earlier. It was late at night, and me and Kaoru, having been through our trials and tribulations, seemed to be a little cold, at least in bed. We had our backs turned to one another, and it was at least three in the morning. We had a phone in the bedroom, something she liked to keep there for safe measure, since she seemed to spend a majority of her time in there anymore. (There was a television in our room also, something she said helped her get to sleep at night. I think it's just because she didn't like it quiet at night.) The phone went off one night, sometime in the early part of the year.

It took a few rings, but I eventually picked it up and pressed it to my ear. Kaoru was pulling the blanket around her, pretending that she wasn't intentionally trying to take them from me.

"'Ello?"

"Himura?" Aoshi's solemn voice was on the line. My eyes opened wide, and I slide my hand down my face. For some reason, chills went down my spine, effectively waking me up.

"What? Is something wrong?"

"Yes and no."

I looked back to Kaoru, who seemed sound asleep, and I got up out of the bed, picking up the phone base, taking it with me into the hallway. I closed the door, hoping that I wouldn't disturb anyone else. "What's the matter?"

"The body of Enishi Yukishiro has been found, buried along with another unidentifiable corpse," he said calmly, as if he delivered this news everyday. Shock went through me.

"E-enishi? Dead?"

"Multiple gunshot wounds."

I put my hand to my mouth, pondering a moment. I could only wonder, but of course, it seemed natural to think who had done it. The last nail in the coffin was the second body, mostly likely of the thug that Sanosuke beat the crap out of years before, while we were in the bar. I laughed ironically, thinking that Sanosuke was smart enough to become a lawyer, but dumb enough to bury the bodies in the same place. At the same time, I never thought that the original body would have been found since the place we buried it was so recluse that no one would ever think to dig it up again.

"H-how...how were they found?"

"There was an condominium being built. They dug the bodies up, told the police. That happened about two days ago," I nodded to myself.

"Took them time to ID Enishi then, huh?" I asked. Aoshi gave a shallow sound that was something of a 'yes'. "So...what should I be worried about?"

"Charges," he said. "There was a man who spoke of the second man, the unidentified one, said he remembered seeing a man with red hair the night that a patron was beaten. If it's true, you could get complicity."

"I didn't do it."

"It doesn't matter," Aoshi said. "Facts are facts. I'm assuming that it was Sagara who performed the act?"

I didn't know if I wanted to tell him or not. If I told him, I would be putting Sanosuke in danger by saying that he was the one who killed the thug, and also, unintentionally, proving that he was the one that killed Enishi. At the same time, if I said no, it would put me more at fault for everything, which was also something that I really didn't want to have happen either.

"Look," I said, hoping to steer away from the accusation all together. "Do the police have a warrant or anything?" I asked. I was thinking that this was all I needed. Not only could they try and pull me in on complicity, but a parole violation as well.

"If not they're drumming up one as we speak," he said softly. "I'm going to come over and collect you in the next few hours; Sagara as well. It's for the best."

And I wondered if it was a good thing or not. Aoshi hung up with me, and I looked at the phone curious. I started to dig at the edges of it, pulling at the sides, until it finally came open. I looked around in the wires of the phone, seeing if there was anything that I noticed out of the ordinary. It had not been tapped, at least not that I could see.

I stood up, putting the phone back together. I looked into the cracked door of Kenji's room. I walked into it, being as quiet as I could, and I stood overtop of him, watching him breath. He always slept haphazardly, the sheets and pillows strewn about. He had a small stuffed dinosaur tucked under his arm neatly. I ran my knuckles down his face, and he flinched but didn't wake.

I left from his room and went back into ours, putting the phone back where it was on the nightstand, and then went to the closet, dressing quickly. Kaoru had woken, and looked at me with bleary eyes. I went over to her, kissed her on the lips, and hugged her tightly, as if I were leaving into the purgatory.

She didn't seem much the wiser. I rose early a lot of the times of my accord. She just laid back in bed and said: "Night."

I waited outside in the cool air, my hands folded between my thighs. And Aoshi picked me up.

That night changed everything. I went from being the family's best friend to its worst enemy. The worst part was, I agreed to help them, so long as any charges against me were dropped. I gave them bits of information on cases, things that could point them in the right direction without actually telling them what was going on. They were smart enough to put the pieces together.

So as I sat in this room, with these people, and I knew that there was at least two people, me being one of them. Finally the tirades ended, and the words of fear went away. I went downstairs, the headache only getting worse, and I came up to Kaoru hugging her once again. She noticed that I wasn't myself, and she offered a meek smile saying that dinner would be ready soon.

Kenji was outside playing around with Yahiko. Yahiko had taken residence with us after his mother passed away from illness. We were more than happy to share our home with him, and it seemed like Kaoru had lightened up after he came. I suppose, to her, she felt like a mother to two boys instead of one, and it filled a little bit of that void that had been cut into her when she lost the baby. I'd come to terms with the fact that I was incapable of filling that void. I just told myself that if she was happy then I was happy for her.

I walked outside and took a deep breath of the spring air. There was a hum of insects in the distance, and the laughter of Yahiko and Kenji as they ran around the yard. Megumi was also outside sitting awkwardly on a glider. She was pregnant and I suppose she was getting very uncomfortable as the months kept coming. If I wasn't mistaken, she gave birth sometime in June, just a few days shy of my own birthday.

I came up beside her, but I didn't sit. She seemed like she needed the entire glider and I wasn't about to make her uncomfortable. Sanosuke had been on everyone lately. When it came to his wife and his child, he was the ultimate protector. It was cute to watch him be so loving. He stayed home with Megumi so often it seemed as if he had disappeared. I knew he was proud though. He was going to be a father. I could only imagine how he was going to raise the kid though. He seemed so volatile at times. I kept telling myself that the baby would change him. Everyone in the family was looking for a change.

"I can't wait until then," Megumi sighed out. "Seeing my little boy run around."

"You think it'll be a boy?" I asked her. She shook her head.

"I know it will. It's that maternal instinct."

I cracked a grin. "The kid isn't even here yet and you already have maternal instinct?" I asked. Megumi nodded proudly. There really was no other person for Sanosuke. Megumi was the perfect package. She was sweet and sincere, but at the same time she could rule with an iron fist. Even if Sanosuke was known as a brute in the family, Megumi held his balls in her hand and she could squeeze at any time. I would dare to say that if she were a man, she'd be worse than Sanosuke. But she wasn't. She was just a smart woman who managed to grab a wild husband.

"Mr. Himura!" Yahiko called out. He had Kenji hanging upside down in his arms, and Kenji was slipping quickly. I went over to the two of them and grabbed Kenji. The moment I did he started to kick around.

"Let go Dad!" he squirmed until he hit the ground. "Geez!"

I wanted to laugh, but somehow I couldn't. I looked back to the house to see where there were a few other people at the door.

Ever since I became a selective informant, I felt that there were eyes constantly on my shoulder. Everyone from Sanosuke, to Sozo, to I'izuka and even Hiko (though strangely, he was the least suspicious). I knew it looked bad to be constantly looking over my shoulder at everyone, but I couldn't help it. There was that cold chill rushing through me all the time. The bullet scars on my arm would tingle, and I would be waiting for somebody to come up and point a gun at my head and blow me away. That was how it worked. They came up when you least expected, made a mess, and left without a trace. I'd seen Sanosuke do it enough times that I didn't have to guess how I would go if anyone ever found out about my part time "job".

"Dad?" I looked to Kenji. He itched at his upper lip and I knew what he meant. I wiped my nose on my wrist without a second thought, and then I brought out a handkerchief, mildly stained from a previous time. "When are we going home?"

"Soon," I said quietly. I picked him up, and this time he didn't try and squirm away from me. "Is something the matter?"

He shook his head. "I want Mommy," he said. I set him on the ground and he ran towards the house, disappearing behind the door.

* * *

Several weeks later I was doing nothing of importance. I wasn't ever doing anything of importance anymore, even when I went out on late night escapades with Sanosuke, or was running the kitchen during big rushes. Hiko was gone so frequently I was named the head of the entire establishment, and I was often on the phone, or working with those outside the business (the real business that is).

In the middle of doing hardly anything, my day suddenly became interesting. The back door came flinging open, a rush of warm spring air flooding into the kitchen. I put down my knife momentarily to see who it was that had burst through the door. My heart had skipped, naturally, because good things rarely came through that door. I was intrigued to see that it was Yahiko, who was just making it for his shift.

"Sozo! Mr. Himura!" he called out. He rushed through the kitchen pushing through the rest of the workers to try and find us. I was the one that he came to first. He was out of breath momentarily, so I let him suck in a few before he tried to speak. By that point Sozo was at my side trying to coax Yahiko into telling us whatever seemed to be so urgent.

"It's Sano!" he said. His eyes were fiery, but I couldn't read the difference between extreme happiness and a queer sadness. My stomach flopped a couple of times, as I imagine Sozo's did before Yahiko said: "He's being made."

I lit up immediately, but just by seeing Sozo's calm reaction I knew that he was already aware of this fact. Of course Sozo knew though. Sanosuke was his son. Who else would he have told first? Sozo's grin was wide. I wondered why he never told anybody that Sanosuke was being made. Obviously it had been made apparent to Sozo sometime prior, and he never felt like it was important to tell us. Maybe he was just trying to keep everyone calm. Or maybe he knew something that we didn't.

Either way, I was happy. Since Hiko was away that day, I felt like I would be generous in his place. I was sure he would have done something like it (seeing as Sanosuke was somewhat like a son-maybe a half-son or something). I pulled out a wine bottle and a few shot glasses and let everyone have a drink. Sozo declined and kept at his work.

The next opportunity I got to talk to Sanosuke, I did. I went over to his place, chatted with Megumi for a few moments, and then met him downstairs. He'd been fixing up the baby's room and was doing it on overdrive. When I got there he was painting. "I didn't know you could be made," I said to him. He flung around, throwing paint from the roller. "I didn't know you were full-blood."

"Yeah, well," he shrugged. He didn't know what to say about it either. Sometimes a lack of words was the best thing though. You could feel the emotions instead of having to describe them. It made them much more meaningful, at least, that was what I thought.

Sanosuke hugged me. "Man, I wish you could be too," he said. "But hell, you already are. What with Hiko and all."

"Why didn't you tell anybody?"

"I didn't want to make a fuss," he said. "I've been busy lately. Megumi's kept me home," that was his cover for his softness. Megumi was keeping him home. Family was important, so no one really cared if Sanosuke was slacking some because of it. "I told Dad. I figured he'd be a damn blabbermouth and tell everybody."

"Yahiko did," I told him. "Came in and told the whole shift."

"The ceremony of...rite...or whatever the hell the thing is the makes it complete is in a few days."

"Good luck working your way up the ladder."

Sanosuke smiled. "Maybe I'll be as big as you."

"Please..."I shook my head and sat down. We continued to talk for the next half hour, inflating each others egos. I could help but feel proud. Sanosuke was my best friend; my brother. Of course I was proud. He would have been just as proud of me too, I was sure of it. Somehow he was like his Dad though. Reserved about the entire thing. It was like he wasn't as proud of himself. I figured maybe it was because he was a bit of an informant himself. He was more selective than I was; probably because I was the one that told them anything and they rarely had to use him. I knew he was probably thinking about what would happen when he became a part of the inner ranks. The police would want to know what went on at that point. They'd be shoving him with questions like they were stuffing a teddy bear. And yet, he found some glimmer in it. That was Sanosuke. That was the strange man he was.

Was...

* * *

A/N: I realize it's been forever. I've been busy with school and AP classes and working on solo things...I'm graduating this year, so I'm focusing in on college. I haven't forgot you, my faithful readers. Just give me some leeway. I'll keep 'em comin'. Honest to goodness...


	19. 19

A/N: Welcome back...what will happen...hm...

* * *

_"I questioned a lot. I questioned the...institution...we were a part of. I questioned the relativity of who we were. I questioned the men around me, because they changed in the time that it took me to blink. These were men that I trusted all my life. Men that knew me as somebody they could trust. I never did anything to hurt them...until I led them. _

_"There's something strange about a change in power. You don't feel that cataclysmic shift until it's too long to be able to do anything else. At that point you're running for your life...protecting your assets. You're just a moving target. Leadership isn't all it's cracked up to be. Makes your hair turn gray; makes your mind go numb; makes you see without seeing. You do good and bad at the exact same time. Really I needed to question myself. Why was it that everything was falling apart? It wasn't doing this under Kogoro. But...he was a different kind of leader. And the children after us were not the children before us..._

_"They were too smart and dumb for their own good..."_

_-Hiko Seijuuro_

I rushed through the parking lot to get out of the endless rain. Once in the kitchen, I shook out the umbrella and hung it with my coat, quickly grabbing my apron and suiting up. There were a few hellos, but everyone was hard at work. I searched around the kitchen and was surprised to see Hiko talking with Sozo in a corner. I didn't bother them; they were in a deep discussion. Still, I kept my eye on them. I could only imagine their conversation, but I didn't doubt that it had to do with Sanosuke. There was a sense of both pride and urgency in Hiko that I couldn't quite understand. When they ended their conversation in laughter I untensed and waited for Hiko to pass me and say something. He stopped by my station and placed a hand on my shoulder.

"Something wrong?" I asked.

"I need you to do something for me," he said. I turned back to him and looked him in the face.

Hiko had changed.

His face had a way of sagging around the eyes. Maybe it was just him getting older (he was 53) but it didn't seem normal for him. I could see little gray hairs starting to pop up. I could see the way he took things slowly anymore. He always thought before he did anything, now it was even more so. And always in the back of my mind was his heart. There were a few scares since his first heart attack, but nothing major. I could see it taking its toll.

"What?"

"It's nothing major, but there's a runner that..."

In hindsight I should have realized that the reason he was always stressed out was because he cared about every little detail of things. He dealt with things like runners and bookies that capos should have been worried about. It was people like Sozo who should have dealt with these things and left Hiko to the bigger fish. "Don't tell me another runner took money," I griped.

"No; there's a guy that nearly got whacked a few days ago. Some street thugs. It's not really important, but I need you to go take his place for a few days. It's not really running the numbers, but I need you to collect from the runners and turn the numbers into us and, of course, if anyone wins then distribute the money."

I looked at him for a moment and I began to wonder why he giving me this task when he was well aware that I already ran numbers and, especially, knew how to be a leader of the number runners. I didn't take it as anything. I figured he was frazzled and just needed someone fast. I guessed that it was Sozo who had told him and he needed someone out there pronto. I nodded and began pulling off my apron. He gave me the district that I needed to go to and I left without a word.

The entire day was kind of mind numbing. I sat in a pizzeria, talking to the guys that were in there while they let me have free Coke (I didn't want to know who owned half the pizzeria). Runners were coming to me gradually, in their respective shifts, others with their problems. I had to straighten a few things out but there was nothing all that major. These were the moments when things seemed dullest. When you sat around with other guys who did the work; I always believed in hard work because it got you somewhere.

The rain never stopped that day. I had to run out a few times to a payphone so I could call Hiko. It didn't take but two seconds for me to get drenched. When I went and called him around 5:30 that evening, he told me that Sanosuke was trying to get ahold of me. "Since when?"

"He called about a half hour ago," Hiko said. I nodded.

"Was he calling from home?" I asked.

"He left a number," Hiko said, and he read it off to me. I knew that Sanosuke wasn't at home, and I wasn't about to guess what he was wanting me to do that he had to call Hiko to get ahold of me. I hung up the phone and dropped a few coins in the slot, dialing the number that Hiko had given me. It rang a few times, and I was half expecting someone crazy to answer the phone, possibly stoned out of their minds. Thankfully it was Sanosuke.

"Hey," he sounded less than jovial. The corners of my mouth downturned. I hugged my drenched coat against my skin and momentarily looked to the sky as a bolt of lightning struck across it.

"Hey Sano. What's up?"

"Nothing, I just..."he paused a few moments. "I wanted you to come over before the night got late."

I knew he wasn't going to say anything to me, but I could guess what it was that he was doing this night. I was proud of him still. "Where are you?" I asked, praying that it was in the district.

"I'm at a friend's place," he said. There were so many questions that were buzzing in my mind. What friend? And why, if he was so nervous, was he calling me if he was at a friend's place? And why was he so nervous in the first place? I couldn't piece it all together. I didn't really know it Sanosuke was nervous, to be perfectly honest, I was just guessing. Still, the less than enthused voice he gave me made it all seem kinda clear. "You know him...near that one bar that we've stopped at a coupla times."

Strangely, I knew what he was talking about. "Look, Sano, I can't," I said. "I got runners coming to me, and I can't leave until like...8...at least. Why don't you come here, to Manny's Pizzeria, I'll be sitting at the counter."

He told me that he couldn't leave either. I didn't know why, but I didn't ask. Like so many things this day, I know that hindsight has become one of those hated things of the human race. Still, I hung up with him after we realized that we couldn't leave our respective places, and I hustled back over to the pizzeria to try and dry off.

I went home that night and sat with Kaoru, Yahiko, and Kenji. We had Chinese and watched television. There was something cozy between me and Kaoru that night. I held her hand and she rested her head on my shoulder. Normal.

But what is normal? How to we measure what we consider to be normal? I mean, in reality, the last thing that people want to be is normal. They never seen to want to be the person with a steady job, with a steady paycheck, a house, some kids and spouse. They'll settle for it; they're happy with it, but people always want more than normal. They want to be someone. They want to be something glitzy, glamorous, or dangerous even. I've taken notice that greatness either comes from strong ambition or sheer luck, heck you could call it stupidity in some cases. The wonder to all this is that those that aren't normal always strive to be so. So I hug my wife and I pretend that I got home from the factory, and that my son was ours.

We can pretend all that we want, but it doesn't change reality.

I got up when the phone rang; I walked away from my bliss to answer it. Kaoru looked at me in the way that children look at their parents when they realize they got to be separated. It was only to the kitchen, but I was happy to think that she had some semblance of herself left.

I stood in the kitchen, silent, listening to who was on the phone. For the longest time I wondered what Kaoru must have thought in those first few moments. I could see her peeking around the corner, curious as to who was calling. I stood my ground; my spine had went completely rigid, and my muscles had tensed terribly. "Y-yyyou must be joking, right?" I asked.

If I could recall who I was talking to, I would tell you. But I can't. I was so frozen and numb that I couldn't bring myself to even recall most of the events that night. Except Kaoru. She always could tell what was wrong with me, even before I told. I couldn't even hang up the phone, I just let it fall from my hand and bang against the wall, bobbing for a few moments. It didn't take long for the person to hang up.

Kaoru put her hands on my shoulders. "Ken..."

My lips wobbled, and my jaw ached from clenching it. "Sano..."

"What about him?" she asked, gradually pushing her nails into my shoulders. "Was he arrested?"

I shook my head. It was hard to tell her. "I need to call Megumi..." I said numbly. I didn't know why I was calling her, but something told me that I needed to. I was sure that she had been told already; I guess maybe we needed to console each other. I leaned against the wall, picking up the phone and dialing her number. Kaoru didn't wander far away from me, and even Yahiko had come around the corner and peeked into the kitchen. Megumi picked up. She was sobbing.

* * *

Hiko closed the restaurant, but I came anyways. It took heavy breaths to gather myself the night before. When I entered the restaurant I sat at one of the tables and thought. Some of the other guys had come as well, and they sat and stared at me, or each other, or anything that they could. We all had the news now.

"Himura," Aoshi pulled up a chair and sat beside me. He seemed the least concerned, but I knew better. He had grown up with Sanosuke just like I had. When he put his hand on my wrist, I knew that was something important. It was like he was crying in front of me; sobbing even. "Hiko's in his office."

"I know," I said. "I just...don't really want to talk to him."

"He wants to talk to you."

I didn't want to, but I went into Hiko's office. I leaned against the wall, and I didn't bother to close the door. Whatever he was going to tell me, he might as well tell everyone else who wanted to hear. He wasn't in his seat, instead he was pacing. "I guess..."he began, searching for his words. He was ill-composed. He was sweating, and he seemed out of place. Jittery even. I knew it was because he thought of Sanosuke like a son, in whatever sense it could be said. "I guess I should have...thought," he said. "But I didn't, and neither did anyone else."

"If you're giving a eulogy, is it alright that I leave?" I asked. I didn't want to hear about how Sanosuke was a great guy, or a great friend. He may have been a good friend if you were lucky enough to be considered, but I knew that if you weren't you were bound to be left pulpy in some alley way. It made me realize, unintentionally, how much of this was caused because of his personality. He was a show off; a brute; the part of the business that gave it its bad reputation. He was the stink that drove you away, but he was also the lifeblood of an organization that needed to protect its assets. I had already given Sanosuke his eulogy in my head a hundred times between the news and talking to Hiko.

"I'm not. I have some stuff I meant to tell you," he said. He must have been thinking aloud. He pressed his fingers to his temples and rubbed them, in pain. "I know why this came about. You can't go whacking other made men and expect to let them into your glory," Hiko said. Despite the morbididy, I knew what he meant. I thought about the body of Enishi found, and I knew that this was the punishment. For a long time I wondered if maybe they were making him a made man because they knew that he would be most vulnerable at an initiation ceremony. It wasn't too far fetched; not in our business.

"Yeah. I understand."

"You talk to Megumi?" he asked.

"I did. She wasn't doing well," Hiko nodded.

"I...I know," I wondered if he was thinking about the baby like I was. How soon was it going to be until she had it? I didn't remember, but I knew that she was ready to burst. "Everything's being handled accordingly."

"That's good to hear," he couldn't say much else, and I pretended not to notice that he was massaging his chest as I left.

That night I laid with Kaoru all night, my hands tight around her. She asked me several times about what would happen if I were to go, but I couldn't answer her. I wanted to tell her that I would never go. I knew that I couldn't convince her of that. Sanosuke was the strongest person she ever knew, I'm sure, so she must have thought that if Sanosuke could go, then so could I. I just consoled her, feeling that she was as depressed and as heartbroken as I was. A pang went through the whole family. How could it not?

If you rip a vein out of a body, aren't you going to feel it?

* * *

A/N: Morbid, yes. Character death, yes. I'm sorry. It was how I planned it for a long time. Don't flame. I love Sano dearly. Till Next time, KenSan out!


	20. 20

A/N: Been a while, hasn't it? I've been so caught up in Yu-Gi-Oh! I've forgotten about Rurouni Kenshin some. That, and I'm in college. But fear not! I will get around to it. I promise. Just let me...think I guess. I've been in writer's block on a lot of stuff lately, so I'm glad to pump this out. Enjoy.

* * *

"_Every time Megumi walked in the room, it was like there was something that held her feet hard to the ground. Like something tugged on her ankles. And anyone would look up to her and smile, and offer her to sit beside them. And we'd talk about the weather, and what was crappy on TV, and things that we wanted to do. And we almost pretended that nothing had ever happened. _

"_Almost…"_

_-Kaoru Kamiya_

* * *

Chapter 20.

I tried to douse the flame of depression by working. I took extra hours at the restaurant, I worked numbers running in early mornings and gambling halls at night just so I could keep myself from thinking about things. But no matter what I did, no matter how long I worked or paced or busied, I would still close my eyes at night and think that there was something that I could have done.

But what?

It all drew down to those moments where he begged me to see him, like he knew that something was going to happen, and I hung up with him thinking that everything was great and that I would get to congratulate him later. There were no congratulations, only mourning. And when I laid down at night, I tried not to close my eyes, and they ended up closing when I almost seemed dead and needed sleep.

I saw his in-print on me. Bringing home sacks of rocks so we could play, never getting around to it because our shoulders were worn out by the time we got there. Just all those stupid things kids did together. And thinking that we weren't so close when we kids, even if we were best friends. We were in own little worlds. And then my Dad died, and Hiko took me in and suddenly we were like blood brothers.

The only reason that I ever got out of this grief-stricken faze was because of Kaoru. It was because of the way that I took it, sleeping only when I passed out from fatigue, that finally became my downfall. I was forced to go through the processes after I passed out on the front lawn while watching Yahiko as he cut the grass. He had refused to let me do it earlier, but I still paced, eyeing him to give myself something to do.

I fainted in the carport, fully intending on going inside. Yahiko only noticed when he finished cutting the grass, coming up to me as I was coming back into the conscious realm, my forehead hot and my eyes heavy. I didn't want to get off the ground.

"Mr. Himura?" I was up on my elbows, trying to figure out what happened. And I choked for a moment, thinking maybe it was cliché that my tired eyes saw his figure as though it were illuminated before me, smiling with his arms almost lamely at his sides. And he laughed, though I didn't hear anything. I could just tell that was what he was doing, because when he laughed, his whole body moved. Like wind ripped through him and every muscle began to spasm. And in one blink, he had faded away from me. I wasn't a fool. I didn't get up and run to him. I just made myself stand, my body having become extremely weary. Yahiko was at my side, looking like he was bracing me.

"Mr. Himura?"

"Hm?"

"Are you alright?"

Kaoru came out the screen door and was before me before I was able to say otherwise. Her hand was on my cheek, one of the most loving gestures I'd felt in the longest time. "You're warm."

"I think he just got heat sickness."

"C'mon, get inside," Kaoru said, pushing me through the door. She sat me down at the table. Then, she got ice from the freezer and balled it up in a rag, pressing it to my face to try and cool me down. "Do I need to call an ambulance?"

"No. No…"I was breathy, my lungs suddenly unable to fill. "I'm going to go lie down."

And when I got up, an idea seemed to strike me. I looked to Kaoru as if I had suddenly realized the cure for cancer, and I said: "Megumi needs to come live with us."

Her brows furrowed, and so did Yahiko's. "Are you sure you don't need an ambulance? Yahiko, get the phone," Kaoru said. I pulled on his arm as he passed me.

"No, I'm serious. She's alone, and she's going to have a baby. And she'll be in that house with just the baby. Maybe if she was with us…"and I left it open, letting Kaoru ponder that. I dropped Yahiko's arm and went into the bedroom, lying down and sleeping the best that I had for weeks. And I dreamed of Sanosuke for the last time, as far as I know. Which is almost as pleasant as it is tragic. Knowing that my friend is now something I only see when I wake, looking at pictures, thinking of memories pleasant or not.

When I woke, Kaoru was beside me, wiping my brow. She was still afraid of me having heat sickness. She pulled the cloth away and smiled.

Needless to say, my suggestion was taken seriously. And it didn't take long before Megumi was convinced that it might be good for her to get out of the house and depart from all of the memories for a short while. We moved a few of her things into the house, Yahiko and Kenji sharing a room for a short while.

I came in and spoke to Megumi as she sat on her bed and stared across to a vanity. Any day now, I knew. She was late and we were all on our toes. "It's like the baby knows," she said to me as I sat down. I was surprised. "You think it means anything?"

I shrugged. "I don't think Sano would make you suffer any more than you got to."

I put my arm over her shoulders, and she dug her head against my neck, beside my cheek, and I saw her smiling a little bit. Her lips wobbled. How do you explain it to her without being gruesome? Without telling her all of the things that her husband did and all of the things that he was into? Because she knew, on some plane, what he did. On the flipside, there was only so much that Sano would let her know. Better she be clean in conscience. That way no one could come after her and torment her with the ideas, right? And I wasn't about to tell her anything. I wasn't about to tell her why he had to abandon the family so critically. Why he was pulled out of this world and into a world of spiritual hands, whichever way he went.

She just leaned on me, and I let her get comfortable. "You can stay as long as you need," I said. And then I noticed that a crib was being brought into her room. The same crib we had given her as a shower present. Somehow, I knew what I was doing when I said that she could stay. I hugged her in the position we were in, and then I stood and told her that I was going to go get the rest of her things. She nodded and let me up.

* * *

We hadn't even finished unpacking when she went into labor. I got her in my car and rushed her to the hospital, her bag settled on her lap while she took deep, therapeutic breaths. Kaoru was following shortly behind. I charged her to take to the phones and alert everyone. Because I knew everyone wanted to know. She got to the hospital about an hour after I did.

It was Kaoru who was with her through the tough part. She did the second job that Sanosuke was meant to do. She held Megumi's hand and coaxed her to breath. I sat outside with my head against the wall.

Soon, Sozo was sitting beside me. He was quiet, and I was the first to say anything. "Anxious?"

"Yeah, a little."

I nodded. It was going to be tense, we couldn't stop that. "Kaoru's doing a good job with her I think."

"Yeah. She's a good little nurse for Megumi. They've been friends forever haven't they?"

He was deflecting. Which was fine, there was nothing wrong with that. "Yep." I had a feeling he was about to tell me something, and I changed the subject to something that could swivel into whatever he wanted to say. "Where's Hiko?"

"He's busy. Said he'll come back as soon as he can. I just got a phone call that he should be on a plane from Chicago in an hour or so."

"Alright," I crossed my legs. Sozo turned his entire body towards me.

"Ken, there's something we need you to do." I knew it was coming. I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath. "Hiko has been using a few suppliers from Tampa and Miami. He wants to send you down to talk some sense into them."

I snapped my eyes open and looked at him seriously. "What's the problem?"

"Not sure. They're not giving us what we need and we're losing money in the deal. Paying too much for something we're not getting full quality on."

"Are they getting it directly or are they sending it through a middleman?"

"I don't know. Either way it's getting degraded and watered down. We just need you to go down and talk to a few people. Nothing too hard."

Sozo handed me a slip of paper. "How soon?" I asked.

"As soon as you can."

And that meant it would be in my best interest to leave about now. The sooner I got the job done, the better.

But I hated to go down to Miami. If there was one part of the business I did not like to be a part of, it was the drug trade. It wasn't because it was filthy or dishonest. In retrospect, it seemed a little better to me than the pornography and prostitution, but not everyone has a clean way to make a living. No, I knew the reason that I didn't like it was because of Tomoe. The image of her strung out eyes as they glazed over me, tired, and then the splitting image of her as she hung against the railing in my old apartment nearly a decade before.

But it didn't seem to matter. It was direct orders from Hiko, and I wasn't about to disappoint. But before I got up and left, I looked to Sozo and asked: "Am I doing this solo?" This sounded better, respectfully, than asking who my partner was going to be. I couldn't remember the last time I had done a job solo. At least, a job like this.

Sozo looked at me with sad eyes. "I'm sure it's not a problem to have a little muscle," he said.

We couldn't continue the discussion. Kaoru burst out the door and looked at the both of us, beaming: "It's a boy." She said, and she seemed withered as if she had been the one giving birth.

* * *

When I went down to Miami, I took Aoshi with me. It seemed like the perfect fit. I knew Aoshi closely, and he was the kind of guy that was intimidating just because of the way he seemed to look out into the crowd wordlessly.

We didn't spend any time seeing the sights. As soon as we got off the plane and rented a car we were on the job. Aoshi was driving, and I had pulled out a gun and was slowly loading it as we drove along. "What are we doing, exactly?"

"Gathering information."

"Hm." Aoshi didn't really believe me, not with the way that I was playing around with the gun, but I couldn't help it. That was about all I believed. We needed to know why something wasn't going on the way that we wanted it to go on.

"Am I Sagara's replacement?"

"No." I could feel my voice quickly becoming steely.

"Then what am I?"

"You're my friend, and I'm not doing something like this alone," I said. At the time, it felt as if there was something that I needed to add. Like there was something right on the tip of my tongue. Somehow I couldn't manage it. Now, of course, it's pretty clear what I should have told him all those years ago:

No one could replace Sano.

When you deal with drug dealers, you're dealing with children who think they're a part of the big times; especially when they have customers who, themselves, are in the big times. Let me put it as easily as possible. Technically we were middlemen for the middlemen. They transported the product, and then they gave to us and we transported and distributed to wherever the market was. We had a large market to cover, so we always had a large amount of product shipped to us. But, there are two middlemen here. And in between, things were happening. So how do you deal with that problem?

Cut out the middlemen.

We had a polite enough chit chat with the dealers from Miami. We sat on a hotel balcony staring out at the beaches. Well, I sat and Aoshi hovered over me like he was some kind of a body guard. I kept looking into their faces, noticing there wasn't much concern as I told them of the problem. "Doesn't matter how addicts are. They know quality, and if it's not good, they're going to someone else," I told him. I was picking a string off my pants, looking uninterested. "If we've somehow offended you with our business practices, we'll try and make amends. We're helping each other out."

See, we were paying them to bring the product into the country. Kind of like a tax. For so many kilos it was so much money. We were willing to pay because the profit well outdid the cost of shipping. "More money."

I leaned back and crossed my arms. "Why? We're paying you a fair price."

"My men are going down like flies. Feds, customs."

"That's not my problem."

"Then you will get no more. I am making no money like this. Constantly hiring new men, paying off officials. I make nothing."

"That's doubtful," I said, and I made sure to look him up and down when I said that. He was in the kind of suit that Hiko wore. Nice and expensive. You knew who he was the moment you looked at him. And as I sat there, staring him down, I realized that I was channeling some part of my guardian without my own consent. But then, there was no other way I could be when I facing these men. There was no other way that I could be anything else but cold, hard, and brutal. If you give any hint of weakness in front of those who you think are your friends, they will quickly become your enemies; steal the money right out of your pocket. Which, that was really what all this was about: money. We were friends because the money and the business were good. It was like a partnership. Sometimes you didn't really want to be friends, but for the mutual benefit you'll shake each other's hands, kiss a few cheeks, and say a few polite words.

"Doubtful?"

"We pay you the amount that you requested after you had calculated these costs. There is no reason that it should change. And I find it hard to believe that you're making no money," I pointed to the two men that stood behind him. "But, if you want to be that way, fine. We'll find someone else." I stood up. He did too, and he advanced on me.

That was the first time that Aoshi had moved during the entire meeting. "Good luck with that, buddy. You have a black mark on you now. No one will do business with you. I can make sure of it."

"You're not special," I quipped. "Exposable. We have more connections than you'll ever manage."

And maybe I was angry and on edge since Sano had passed away. I don't quite know what it was. But even as Aoshi hovered close, as a protector, the moment that the man lunged at me, his hand at his waist, I turned and grabbed him by the collar, pushing him up against the balcony hard enough that he was leaning over, his feet off the ground.

Aoshi has moved to create a kind of blockade where the two bodyguards had approached. "Unfortunately for you, I'm not in a very pleasent mood lately. Either you accept the current rate, or we cut you down and take over the business ourselves. Save ourselves some money." We had men in Philly that would be more than willing to take the job.

He wasn't panicking. Even as he stared down a seven story drop to a blacktop parking lot. "You're sloppy," he choked out.

I looked back and saw where Aoshi was almost battling, holding of the men with martial arts moves. I kept waiting for gunfire, but it never came. "I don't think so," and I hoisted him over further. I was holding on his belt (which was leather, I remember) and he hung even further. "You have three seconds to make up your mind."

"You're product will still be…"

"One."

"..worthless. I wouldn't give you the goods for the pennies you give…"

"Two."

"…us. You'll just continue losing money until you come crawling…."

"Three."

I let go of his belt, both hand in the air, and I let him fall. It was something Sano would have done. Something I'm sure Hiko would have done, only with a little more suave. My blood curdled as I heard him screaming. I looked back at the bodyguards, stopped by the suddenness. I guess I was a little struck too. It was the first time that I had killed a man. Well, first time if you didn't count Koshijiro. Which really, was only a matter of technicality.

"C'mon Aoshi," I said, somber. It only hit me after I did it. But then, I was given the leeway to do as needed to be done. Though, like the man said, it was a sloppy hit. Still.

I looked to the bodyguards. It surprised me how they stopped so suddenly. "You might want to go clean him up," I said, looking over my shoulder. "He slipped, right?" I asked, reaching into my pocket, my hand against my wallet. They nodded. "Sorry for the trouble."

Aoshi and I went back through the room and to the elevator. I almost didn't want to go down, because that meant I was going to be looking at my mess. But we went out and to the car, getting in. I just sat there a moment, taking deep breaths. "We need to get a hold of Hiko. Tell him what happened."

"You have no plan."

"I have a plan, I just deviated from it."

"Hn."

"We need to go," I said. But I could feel where Aoshi had revved up the car already. As we drove down the street, we saw where police and ambulances were rushing in the opposite direction. I was as sick as I was pleased.

By the time we were on the plane, I was just sick. I looked over at Aoshi and I said: "I don't know any good contacts," I said. "At least, not that can form a whole chain."

"You haven't been yourself." Aoshi offered. "You're more rational than that."

"I know I am," I rolled my shoulders. "We could always go to the Yukishiros."

"They want your head."

I sighed. "Right. I forgot."

We were silent after that. There was nothing left to say.

* * *

I didn't go see Hiko because I couldn't make myself face the wrath. The hit did nothing to benefit us. If I was lucky, it might be a sign to the cartel that we meant business. But they were as stubborn as we were. We both wanted to make money, so neither of us was going to back down.

I, instead, stayed at home, watching Megumi as she nursed her son. It gave me a little bit of comfort, I suppose. It was like looking at Kaoru as she cared for Kenji when he was young. But of course, you can't hide from something forever. And Hiko did something he usually didn't do, especially since was so busy. He made a house call.

I was on the floor, watching Kenji as he played with toy cars, making funny noises and voicing the people that were in the cars. Which was hilarious because he was probably imitating the things he heard while I, Kaoru, or others were on the highway.

Somehow, when I heard the knock on the door, I knew something was up. But I didn't get up. I let Kaoru answer it, because he wouldn't be harsh to her. "Oh, afternoon Hiko. Its' been a while."

Kenji shot up off the floor and ran into the foyer. "Grandpa!"

I got up slowly, listening as Hiko spoke quietly with Kenji. When I got in the foyer, I saw him pulling something out of his jacket, handing it to Kenji. If there was one thing that was true, it was that Kenji was spoiled to no end. Hiko was the worst. He was always giving Kenji gifts and money whenever he came around. In the least we could bank the money for him, but the gifts were something else.

He immediately ripped it open, looking at the small car that Hiko had gotten him. It was Kenji's favorite gift, the cars, because he usually ended up destroying them somehow. The thing was, Hiko never got him the same car twice.

"Thank you, Grandpa." Kenji looked back and saw me walking into the room, and he showed the car to me, smiling. "Look what Grandpa got me."

"It's nice," I said. "Why don't you go play with it, hm?"

Kenji nodded.

Once he left, I was looking at Hiko wordlessly, my voice caught in my throat. "You didn't come to report."

"I figured that the news would reach you."

He walked into the dining room. I reluctantly followed him, sitting down at the table. "You want to know what got to me?" I could only imagine. "The main man is dead. Fell off of a balcony. Funny, on the same day that I sent to you."

"Yeah, funny." The implication was clear.

"What was even funnier was that, all of a sudden, we got a shipment of product. And there was a note that was attached to it which told us that we didn't have to pay for it. Now, I was curious, what happened down in Miami to cause these results?" And he eyed me, waiting for me to break down in his gaze. But I was confused, mostly. At least, with the partially positive outcome that had started.

So, I told him what I did. His gaze was still that steely look; it never changed. I was expecting him to yell at me. To get angry, to tell me that I was out of line and punish me in some maniacal way. But he was thinking. He folded his hands in his lap and lowered his head. After a while, he cleared his throat.

"You have a stomach," he said. "I'm surprised. I congratulate you for doing it. Though, I wouldn't have negotiated it that way."

"There was no other direction that the meeting was heading. It seemed like the only thing that would work."

Hiko rolled his eyes and sighed. "Of course it would work. Whether it's to our benefit in the long run, we don't know. Right now, it's fine." He shook his head, like he was stuck between wanting to be proud and disappointed. "You're going to follow up on what you've done. We might as well cut ties and find something else."

"That's the problem."

"You're smart, you'll figure out something." It didn't surprise me that he couldn't help me. He got up after that and walked out of the kitchen and towards Kenji's room. I just sat at the table and tried to figure out what I could do, who I could turn to.

* * *

Of course, I did figure out something. Having been in prison, I knew people. They weren't in my address book, but from the connections I had, I was able to connect to guys in Philly who were willing to help out. Our new middlemen. They would go down to Miami and then give it directly to us. All they asked was a small cut of profit. They didn't really need the money, per se; they were already running their own businesses. I guess maybe you can tell this was a matter of families helping families.

It went well. I had successfully created a new and more profitable circuit of the drug trade for our family. Which was ironic despite my heavy distaste for it. What was worse, I suppose, was when we had to move it from Philly, either I or someone close to me was doing pickup. Sometimes it was me and Aoshi, sometimes Sozo was kind enough to come with me. Once Yahiko did, but that was all. Most of the time, Kaoru was with me. Why? She was keeping tabs on me. She knew what I did most of the time, there was no fooling her. That and she had heard the conversation between me and Hiko, so there was no getting around it. She helped me bring it into the city. She was with me as I made deliveries. I think after a while I liked my partner in crime. I was surprising as comfortable with Kaoru as I was Sano, maybe more. But then, the dynamic was different.

I'm sure something that a lot people are probably thinking is that my life seems to parallel Henry Hill's. At least, some. I'm sure that a lot of people have seen Goodfellas. I did too. I liked it, because it seemed so real.

Except there was no Lufthansa heist. There was no cheating, there was no doing drugs. I ran them, sure, but I never did them. Not after Tomoe. And there was no special Hollywood quality of my life. My parents died, I turned to an organization that could pick me up, and then they sucked the best qualities out of me and used them to their advantage. I killed two people, I subjected my wife to torment, I was out of my son's life so much he hardly turned to me. What was worse was that I was the inspiration of someone else. Yahiko looked up to me like I looked up to Hiko with his slick suit and white gloves.

The biggest difference is that I lasted about five years longer than Hill did. That wonderful little drug circuit lasted until 1985. One night Kaoru and I pulled into the driveway. She was driving, it was so late, and I was tired. It was a warm summer night, the windows rolled down. And all of a sudden, as I opened my eyes, I saw someone at my right, gun at my head. "Kenshin Himura! Step out of the car slowly!" Kaoru was freaked out, shrieking when she looked over and saw that there was one at her window too. I got out of the car. The officer pushed me against the car, my hands behind my back. Another had escorted Kaoru out and was holding her by the arm. She was staring at the door where the lights had flicked on inside. I was staring at the truck of my car as they pried it open with a crowbar.

Of course, it wasn't any Narcs that had gotten to me like Hill. That was just a side to everything else. No, it was my friend. As I was taken into custody, taken down to the station and sat down as they unpacked the bricks that had been in the back of my car, I saw Aoshi as he came through the door. Not only him, but a wild haired blond and Hajime Saito. Except Aoshi looked different. I saw the badge that hung from his belt. He wasn't just a police officer. He was a Fed.

And I had the nerve to look at him and ask: "Why?"

Some part of him looked guilty, but not enough to make me comfortable. "You realize what's against you?" he replied.

A plethora. All the things in my life I could conjure. Murder, complicity, conspiracy, drug trafficking, robbery, racketeering, tax evasion, parole violation. Well, maybe not tax evasion. I think there was something set up to prevent that one, but I wasn't so sure.

"Where's Kaoru?"

"In interrogation. Which is where you're about to go."

What was to interrogate?

* * *

A/N: Well, I think this is wrapping up. What do you think's gonna happen afterwords, hm? What will Ken do? Till next time, KenSan out!


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